Nick Adams Coffee Shop AU

Mr. Adams

I was waiting to pick up my hot black coffee when I noticed a table full of suburban white women having a spirited conversation nearby.

I’m not usually one to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help but notice they were talking about President Trump’s CNN town hall. Three of the four women were blown away by the President’s performance and admired the strength and policy prowess he showed during the event. “He looked so presidential last night,” one of the women remarked, “he looks like he hasn’t aged a day since 2016. I haven’t seen him on TV in so long that I honestly forgot how good-looking he is.”

I gathered that these three broads were swing voters who voted for Trump in 2016 but shifted to Biden in 2020 and regretted it. When they started discussing foreign policy, I noticed the fourth woman chime in with some unkind words about President Trump.

She was sporting a short haircut with a bright pink streak down one side, Ukraine flag earrings, and a nose ring, so her ignorance was no surprise. “I just don’t understand how you can support someone like him again after everything he’s done to attack marginalized communities just because he nailed one town hall on CNN,” she spouted, “it’s disgusting!”

The other women tried to dismiss her and move on, but the woman with the nose ring wasn’t budging. She grew louder and more animated as she rambled about Putin and Ukraine, eventually standing up and slamming down a few packets of Splenda in disgust when proven liar E Jean Carroll came up in the conversation.

The Splenda slam was the last straw for the other three women. They also rose their feet and began shouting. “We are facing climate catastrophe RIGHT NOW,” the woman with the nose ring said. “I support solar energy too, Jessica,” one of the other women responded, “but President Trump is right when he says we need fossil fuels to…”

It was at that point the woman with the nose ring snapped. She lunged at her friend, eyes filled with untamable rage.

An all-out catfight had broken out in front of my very eyes. It was pandemonium. I knew I had to act. Without regard for my personal safety, I stepped between the women and pulled them apart, separating them at arms’ length from each other.

“Ladies, calm down, or I’ll call your husbands and have them come deal with you,” I told them firmly yet calmly. The cafe fell dead silent and I chastised the woman with the nose ring. I corrected her in a masculine manner, using facts, statistics, and a strong deep voice. I told her to educate herself, tune out the liberal propaganda, and join a good church.

After I finished, the cafe began to slowly come back to life. I grabbed my coffee and headed for the door but stopped short. “One more thing, Jessica,” I said as I turned around. “I’m going to need those earrings.”

She hesitated momentarily, then removed her Ukraine flag earrings and placed them in my outstretched hand. “Do you know why I had to do that, Jessica?” I asked.

The woman with the nose ring tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled before looking up at me, “Because we’re putting America first from now on, Mr. Adams.”

“Good girl,” I said, taking my first sip of hot black coffee. “Good girl.”