Similarities and Differences

New Starts

  I'm not one for change especially when I didn't have a choice, it's honestly a struggle for me because it gives me so much anxiety to completely change my entire life. Not that I had much of a life to begin with but still just thinking about uprouting my life unsettles me and meeting new people, how horrifying. The only good thing about where I decided to move to was it's so quiet and not surrounded by a billion people like when I was living in New York. I think my favorite part about living in Louisiana is the diverse culture, their afforable living cost unlike where I used to live, their amazing scenery and the population isn't suffocating. To say I don't know where to go from here was an understatement because I didn't think this far ahead, my only goal was to get the hell out of New York and to get away from every toxic person that was strangling my very existence. As I watched the train started up it's engine and tires rolling away from me I felt some sort of relief as if my old life was completely behind me and my new life in Louisiana could finally begin, when the train actually started moving I could feel the breeze against my already cold skin, I felt like I could finally breathe so clearly.

  As I made my way through the crowd of people I felt overwhelmed instantly because I could feel peoples shoulders brushing past me along with their body heat rushing past me in a wave and I certainly didn't feel that southern hospitiality that I thought I was gonna feel but I just had to keep telling myself that I had to get out of this crowd and find a place to stay. Back when I had a job in New York I had saved tons of money and on top of that I had my inheritence my family told me I wasn't worthy enough to have it but I got it out on time. As one foot moves in front of the other I could feel the weight of each foot, I couldn't tell if it was the anxiety of being around all the people surrounding me that were coming in and out of the train or this new life I was gonna be starting. As I found my way to the main street a coffee shop had caught my eye considering it was very flashy with all the LED lights around the building, I wasn't paying much attention to what was in front of me and before I knew it I ran into what felt like a boulder and dropped all my luggage and my cellphone and as I looked down with all my belongings splattered on the floor I saw my cellphone had landed in a puddle of water. I closed my eyes regretfully and sighed heavily, I didn't even attempt to look upwards at who I ran into because if I did I felt like I was going to explode as I reach down toward the ground to grab my phone from the puddle I saw and rather large hand grab my phone from the puddle and waved his hand trying to get the excess water off the phone. I looked up and much to my surprise was the sexiest man I've ever seen.

  "I'm so sorry, I apologize I can buy you a new phone! I wasn't paying attention to what was in front of me" the man said apologetically, pleading for my foregiveness. If I'm being honest I didn't care about my phone the only thing I was focusing on was how drop-dead gorgeous this man is, he had a razor sharp jawline and his eyes were this bright ocean blue and it was so captivating that I couldn't stop staring into his eyes that I was probably scaring him. When I actually decided to look somewhere else that wasn't in his eyes I saw that this gorgeous man was holding out my phone for me to grab and I hesitated for a minute but then reached out and grabbed my cellphone.

  "No it's alright, I wasn't paying attention either, I got too distracted I'm sorry it's really my fault" I said while waving my hands around. After I stopped talking I realized how much hand movement I was using and got instantly embarrassed and if there's one thing I hate about myself is how self aware I am about every movement, dialogue, eye contact or lack of and it drives me insane. I reached down to grab my luggage and I swung the luggage around my shoulders, and just as I was about to leave the man had looked up at me as if he wanted to say something else so I stopped myself from from moving.

  "Are you new here? I haven't seen you before it's a very small town... I don't mean to pry just curious" the man said as he was raising his eyebrow with a curious look and was leaning towards me, I mean this is better southern hospitiality than I got when I got off the train but he's very personal. Or maybe this is how people socialize I'm not quite sure because I don't socialize very well but it's kind of odd I'm not having trouble actually speaking to him as I usually would be, the anxiety would've thrown me for a loop and scared me too much to even spit out two words so it's nice to have a change in pace this time because it came with such ease to talk to him and it felt kind of surreal. Not even and hour in this town and I got relief that maybe this will be good for me, that this small town may be good for me in a way of possibility to break me out of my shell or even just a small crack would do, so now I don't feel like I'm regretting my decision to move to a town I know nothing about and know on one. This fresh start sounded better and better.

  "Actually yes I am, my name is Olive...sorry I never caught your name, it would be nice to know someone here" I said fidgeting with my hands trying to hide how anxious I am and he didn't seem to notice so it made me more comfortable, you would think that when you first meet someone the first thing that comes up is each others name or else I have to keep thinking and calling him in my head is drop-dead gorgeous guy which he still is.

  "So sorry my name is Mason I own the bar just down the street and if you'd like I was on my way there so you could come with if you'd like. Maybe I could suggest some hotels or a bed and breakfast if youre interested or you could just drink if you'd like it's up to you... sorry when I'm nervous I ramble" Mason said as he lightly laughed, it was nice to hear I wasn't the only person who was nervous although I'm not sure why he's nervous I mean I know why I'm nervous but this conversation makes him nervous? Let's just hope he's not an axe murderer. It would be nice to figure out some of the better places to stay at considering I know nothing about this town and it would be nice to make a friend. Some would think it would be odd to trust a complete stranger but at this point what do I got to lose and for me it's a;ready really hard for me to make friends or let alone say a short sentences to another human being so I'll take what I can get.

  "I would love to, it would be nice to make a friend and find a place to stay tonight" I said while laughing.

  As both Mason and I walked down the sidewalk toward his bar and as we were strolling down the street I was admiring how beautiful the daylight sky looked as if you were in a blissful dream with ocean blue sky and clouds that looked like a pillow and it made me want to lay on the daylight sky. I could hear a faint voice in the background but I couldn't bring myself to focus on what Mason was saying because the scenery puts me into a state of calm, nothing like what I felt back when I lived in New York so it was a nice change of pace. Louisiana makes it so you can really hear your own thoughts, in a way I absolutely love it but in another way sometimes the thoughts can really kill me because when that does happen the thoughts can be suffocating and cause severe depression and a lack of helplessness. I could still hear Mason talking and at this point I feel really bad that I haven't listened to a word he's said but in my defense he does talk quite a lot not that talking is a bad thing but sometimes it's just not for me, I'm more of a hang with a friend in silence but with company type of person.

  "So I think that Beth and Jason's Bed In Breakfast is your best option and they owe me a favor so you could get a serious discount with my recommendation" Mason said grinning from ear to ear. He had such a beautiful smile that it was intoxicating, a bed and breakfast is just what I was looking for and a discount is so generous of him. Not even my family would be that nice to use a favor for my safety and comfortability.

  "That would be perfect, seriosuly thank you, I could use all the discounts I can get" I said with gratitude, giving Mason a slight smile and a silent chuckle. As we finally arrived to the bar after twenty minutes I looked up at the sign and the bar was called the Old Absinthe House, for a bar it went with the vibe inside. At this moment I could really go for a drink because moving to a completely different state is damn traumatizing and not that this is not what I chose because it is but to move to a place where you don't know anyone or anything around you can be a lot for one person. Especially if your someone with bipolar disorder it's a lot to feel like you're able to acheive the impossible and could do anything and everything you could think of because you feel like you're the shit, the god complex can feel like you're the whole world. Then in an instant, within seconds you feel the whole world is crumbling around you and nothing and no one can ground you, nothing could make you get out of bed because you feel like you're in a coma. It can make you feel like a burden, like your more trouble than your worth like those highs are so high you could really touch the stars but the lows are so low you could feel the core of the earth.

  "Why do you want to help me? You don't even know me" I asked questioningly, I honestly was curious I couldn't figure out why he wanted to help me. He just met me and he wants to help a complete stranger, it truly makes zero sense to me and maybe that's just what these people do or he's just a nice person but from where I come from people do that kind of shit and it usually means that they want something in return. You could say I come from a fucked up family but I already knew that my family was royal for being bitches. Mason looked at me from behind the bar pouring a drink of a combination of different bottles and I had no idea what he was making but I didn't question it and as he topped it off with a cherry on the top of the drink and pushes the drink towards me.

  "Because there's a short supply in kindness these days but also you seem different than everybody else, something tells me you need a fucking break" Mason said calmly, which made me smile and started drinking. People are full of surprises.