what hurts the most!!!!

the meet

Me and my dad are moving to England Cheshire to live with my dads new wife.
My mother died a year ago after giving birth to Levi my little brother it still gives me chill and I get upset because my mom died so I can't even look in the mirror or barely at my own brother I can't talk about her either but everyone brings her up every single day if it was just two year I'd be over what my little brother did to her it's because she was not selfish to kill him that he killed her I don't tell him I blame him for what happens but I don't smile that much but a fake smile at him if course.

I fell a sleep in the car till we were at the airport we were leaving Australia to go to England how come they can't move here I don't want to leave my mother grave stone even though she isn't buried there she is from England originally so her family had her buried up there and they don't keep contact with us anymore because they didn't like my father.

I shed tears just thinking about what if this cancer didn't kill her what if she lived she wasn't selfish but me and my father were stubborn same as my mother maybe me and my grandma are the selfish ones I never forgave my dad or mom or brother for what happened to my mother I begged dad to not let her die to not let her have Levi but he just said "it's your mums time to go it's gods choice she was a angel sent from heaven to have you and Levi then to go back her job is done." which I cried and didn't believe at all. But what was I suppose to say or do I've cried myself to sleep every night.

I wouldn't even get up to take care of my brother.