Shutter

Disintegration

I'm just gonna leave this here........ 

SMUT alert!

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Jennie's POV 

I typed on the keyboard like a maniac, hands darting over the keys, hitting them with extra force as I place notes and corrections on the articles I was editing. My eyebrows furrowed in concentration as I go over the articles one more time before I send it back to the office.Satisfied, I click on the mouse and watch as it sends. 

I stared the screen for a moment, unblinking, unwavering. Now, there's nothing else to do. I leaned back on my office chair and gave my arms a good stretch, craning my head from side to side, hearing the satisfying creak of tense bones. 

I'm nervous. I'm seriously fucking nervous. Oh god. Ever since I dropped Lisa off her flat this afternoon and she promised to come over tonight, I made sure that I have something to busy myself with because I'm sure my underlying nervousness would eat me whole if I stay still just for a second. 

I'm scared too to be honest. But I'm ready, I know I am. I'm just not sure if I'm what Lisa wants. Can you blame me? I haven't been with anyone for four years and I haven't been with a girl for seven and it's not a secret that Lisa has been with lots of girls. My confidence's not that high at the moment. I rubbed my hands on the fabric of my jeans. "Jesus Christ Jennie, get your shit together."

I decided to take a bath, figuring it would help me calm my nerves. I stripped my clothes off as I fill the tub with water, sprinkling bath salts when it's full. Easing myself down the water, I leaned back on the tub, sighing at the feeling of hot water relaxing my overwrought muscles. I laid still, letting my mind catch up what happened this afternoon. 

I told Lisa about Nathan. I did it. No one besides my parents knows about what happened. Even Jisoo doesn't fucking know. I wonder why I told her in the first place. Right, because she showed me that after all these years, I deserve to be in a relationship where I could be happy and cared for. Like I did before with Nathan.

I let out a shaky sigh. It doesn't hurt much when I'm thinking about him now and it scares me a little because I know Lisa's the reason why every day, every minute, every fucking moment, the seemingly always fresh wound in my heart's developing into just a dull ache. And I'm scared it would permanently go away because I don't want to forget about him. Nathan wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my best friend too and I shared myself to him way more than I did to anyone, even my parents. He made me a better person, a happier one. But when he died I was the saddest person that could possibly walk this earth. 

Stop thinking. You're not forgetting about him, he'll always be there and this is what he wanted you to do. To be happy. A small smile spread across my lips. To be happy with Lisa. Yes, I think I like that. 

Lalisa Manoban. My lion- hearted blonde lover. I have to give it to her; she was very patient with me. When things gets heated up and being the twat that I am would always stop because I think I'm cheating on my dead boyfriend, she doesn't push although I know she's a walking sexual frustration after. I got to admit though; it's adorable when I see her restrain herself after. It made me feel bad too that I couldn't properly give myself to her.

Exhausting myself with thinking, I soaped myself up and washed my hair before I stepped out the bath which is already debilitating. I went to my bedroom with just a towel on and pulled on a shirt with a picture of a pig in front and a pair of gym shorts. I put some music on in the living room stereo before plopping down the couch and proceeded to read the new copy of The Examiner. 

I was on page 32 when I heard a knock on the door. I open it to see Lisa. 

"Hey." 

"Hi. Come in," I said taking her hand with mine. I felt a tug and I was pulled back. "What?"