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𝐍𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐈𝐈

Summary:   There is tension when the reader/oc has something bad happen to her because of her relationship with Negan. The couple both handle what happens very differently leading to a tense interaction between the two of them. 
Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Lucille, etc.
Warnings: Swearing, angst, smut, choking, rough sex, etc.

After a long day of classes, Y/N was eager to get home. It had been an extremely long week and she found herself ready just for a nap. She was hoping today was one of those days where Ghost was tired and just wanted to crawl in bed with her and cuddle. That was a lot to hope for with an energetic puppy, but after the emotionally tolling last few weeks and all the hard work she put into school, she just really needed a day of rest.
Walking up the driveway, she could see that there was a car there and she gave it an odd glance. Moving up the sidewalk, a confused sound fell from her lips when she spotted her mom on the porch waiting for her. A relieved smile expanded over Y/N's features when her mother looked up at her. For once, this was a nice surprise. It had been so long since she had been able to see her mother and after she had denied her parents' offer to take her out for her birthday; she was excited to actually get to see her. It wasn't until now that she genuinely realized how much she was looking forward to seeing her mother's face. After Negan had ditched Y/N on her birthday, the amount of guilt she felt for not being with her parents was indescribable.
"Mom, it's so good to see you," Y/N boasted, moving up the sidewalk toward the front of her house. Gradually her mother stood from where she was seated on the porch and Y/N had wondered how long she had been sitting there. Y/N clung to the backpack that was hanging over her shoulder and flashed a bright smile. There was an urge to throw her arms around her mother to hug her, but something looked wrong and Y/N could feel her heart sinking. Instantly, her mind went to the worst case scenario that she could think of. Why else would her mother show up at her house unannounced looking so unhappy? "Is everything okay? Is dad alright?"
A moment later Y/N let out a yelp when she felt a firm, unexpected smack across the side of her face. The motion caused her to stumble backwards and she was in a state of shock when she realized that her mother had struck her. Reaching up, Y/N placed her hand over the spot where she had been smacked. Unfortunately, it was a smack that had quite a bit of passion behind it and it caused Y/N's heart to pound harder inside of her chest. Straightening her posture, Y/N slowly turned on her heel to meet her mother's glare. The way her mother was breathing showed just how angry she truly was and Y/N let out a tense sound, not sure of what to say.
"Mom?" Y/N simply muttered. It was clear she was confused, but her mother's response was to roll her eyes and begin to pace. "What's going on?" 
"What's going on?" her mother repeated, almost as if she was mocking Y/N for asking that question in general. It seemed like it offended her that Y/N truly had no idea what was causing this outburst from her mother. 
"I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is," Y/N began again only to feel another firm smack of her mother's palm across the side of her face and she dropped her bag onto the sidewalk. Tears burned at her eyes and she swallowed down hard. Her mother had never truly hit her like that before and she wasn't even sure how to respond.
"You are a horrible embarrassment to this family," her mother snarled and Y/N could feel the warmth of the smack radiating through her face. It was stinging and the heat was spreading down her neck. "And to think this whole time I thought we had a good child, but you're just a dirty little slut."
"Mom..." Y/N began; feeling like the world was spinning around her as she stared out at her mother. "I don't know..."
"Don't you dare lie and tell me you don't know what this is about," her mother retorted and Y/N swallowed down hard. "You slept with your father's best friend?"
"Mom," Y/N stammered feeling her heart sink. The tingling at her skin made her body feel like it was on fire everywhere and Y/N was attempting to think of what to say to get her mother to calm down. Her mother was glaring out at her and Y/N wasn't sure what to say. It was obvious that her mother knew about Negan so there was no denying it. There was no lying. It was something she clearly couldn't hide from. "I don't know where to start."
"You don't have to say anything. Your father and I saw it all," her mother snorted and Y/N felt like the world was ending right then and there. They saw it? How exactly did they see it? "Your father brings his best friend into the house because he is having troubles with his marriage and you decide that's the perfect time to sink your teeth into that poor, vulnerable man?"
"Wait, what?" Y/N's face twisted with confusion. After everything her mother had said about Negan during the summer, the fact her mother was calling Negan a vulnerable man made her so tense. "You're blaming me for Negan? You're calling Negan a vulnerable man? You were the one that was going nuts over the fact that he was bringing dates to our dinners. I love Negan, but you know just as well as I do that Negan was sleeping around long before I ever slept with him. I remember walking in on fights with you and dad over the summer because you were disgusted with Negan for sleeping around."
Silence filtered through the air and Y/N half expected her mother to say something. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she had no idea just what to say. The expression over her mother's face was something she had never seen before. She couldn't believe that her mother was so upset with her over this and blaming her for everything that was happening. Stepping forward, Y/N reached out for her mother and attempted to touch her, but was quickly met with another strike against the side of her face. The power caused her to stumble backwards. This hit was harder than all the others, giving her the warning that her mother didn't want to be touched by Y/N one bit. Tension filtered through the air and the smack Y/N had just received almost knocked the wind right out of her. It took a moment for her to gain her composure and finally face her mother again.
"Negan and I spent a lot of time together over the summer when it was just the two of us in the house together. I know you disapprove, but I couldn't help falling in love with him. The two of you were always gone and we just...really got to know each other," Y/N explained, trying to control the way her body was involuntarily shaking, but she couldn't find it working. Reaching up, she clasped to the side of her face and felt it pinging where her mother had hit her multiple times. "I don't want to go into details, but..."
"I don't want to hear it. He was a married man. I don't care what he was doing with other women, I  care about what our daughter was doing with him," her mother cut her off and Y/N felt herself panicking with how angry her mother was at her. Never had she thought that her parents would actually find out about what happened with Negan, but now that they were here, she never thought this would be the way her mother would react. She almost figured Negan would get a lecture from her mother, not the other way around. "You knew he was married."
"I didn't," Y/N refused, trying to defend herself from her mother's claims. At first, she really had no idea that Negan was married. That's why everything hurt so much when he left. "I had no idea that he was married when he was at our home and he never led me to believe otherwise."
"Bullshit," her mother grumbled and Y/N had no idea what to say or what to do to get her mother to listen. "We've been having Negan over for years. Which means you ultimately met Negan's wife as a child. You had to have known. I can't believe this whole time we thought we were raising a good child when you were really just a little slut."
"I'm not a slut. I've only been with Negan," Y/N replied and her mother didn't want to hear it. The situation had her mother thinking in a one track, narrow minded view and nothing was going to change it. Her mother threw her hands up, attempting to get the talking to stop all together. "Please...I know you don't understand, but I'm in love with him. I know this is an awkward situation because of the age gap and him being dad's best friend, but..."
"That poor man and his wife," her mother brushed passed her and further down the sidewalk making Y/N's heart skip a beat. It hurt to hear that her mother had empathy for Negan and his wife, but wasn't even trying to understand that this all started with Negan in the first place. In her mother's mind, it seemed like she felt Y/N was the villain in this story and it broke her. "Being seduced by a young girl who tried to ruin his marriage because of a childhood crush..."
"Poor Negan?" Y/N repeated her mother's words and she shook her head. "He's just as much at fault for this as I am, if not more. He slept with me knowing that I had no idea about his wife. He was the one that led me on. He was the one that made me fall in love with him. If you want to feel bad for Lucille, I understand, but Negan was the one seducing me the entire time..."
"I don't care to hear what you think happened. I just don't want to hear any of this in general," her mother announced, moving forward and pushing Y/N aside. Following her mother to her car, Y/N watched her mother pull open her trunk. Panic flooded through her veins as Y/N watched her mother begin to toss Y/N's personal items over the front lawn. They were some of the things she had still had in her bedroom when she had left for school and she was confused why her mother was doing all of this. "Your father and I want nothing to do with you."
"Mom, please stop..." Y/N begged while her mother continued to recklessly throw Y/N's things over the yard. Hoping this was a scare tactic; Y/N tried to appeal to her mother and reached forward trying to pull her mother to face her. If she just could get her to listen, maybe her mother would just give her the time of day to explain. "I just can't help who I've fallen in love with mom. I'm sorry and I understand that's embarrassed you, but I love him."
"Love? You really think you are in love with Negan?" her mother almost mocked her with a laugh and Y/N swallowed down the lump that developed in her throat. Why did people act like this every time she spoke about loving Negan? There was something she felt with Negan that no one else had ever made her feel. People were so quick to judge her, but she was confused. Why was it like this? "You're a sad little girl if you think you have anything with Negan."
"If you would just listen, I could tell you," Y/N attempted and her mother threw her hand up in the air to cut Y/N off.
"I don't give a shit," her mother continued to throw all of her things out of the car before slamming the trunk closed. "All that's on the front yard is all you are going to have. Everything else at the house your father and I decided you didn't deserve. Most of it was something we paid for and we don't think you deserve those things anymore. Not after what you've done to us."
"What have I done to you?" Y/N reasoned with her mother not understanding what was happening. "The only people that know about Negan are the two of you. I've not done anything to publicly embarrass you, so don't you think this is a bit extreme?"
"We're done with you," her mother announced and Y/N found herself shocked with her mother's confession. "We never want to see you again. Do you understand me?"
"No, no I don't," Y/N immediately spoke up and felt an anger growing inside of her. She was crying and she couldn't help it, but she had a hard time understanding where this was all coming from. "No one is going to know about Negan. Your friends won't judge you. It won't get out at work, so where is this coming from? Why are you both so upset that this happened? It doesn't make sense."
"You don't have the right to tell us what we can and cannot feel," her mother retorted with a scowl and Y/N felt her body absolutely trembling at this point. "As far as I'm concerned, we no longer have a daughter. What I did here was a gift for you. Your father didn't even want me to come here today. He just wanted me to drop you completely. No warning. No explanation, no nothing. When I say we're done, I mean we're done." 
"Mom, don't you think this is being a little ridiculous?" she begged, reaching out for her mother, but was quickly pushed back and away by her mother. "I can't believe you are letting his turn you into something I never thought you were. I always knew that the two of you wanted to control my life, but this...I don't understand in. Would you rather me ruining my life sleeping around with everyone here at school? I've been with one man and I understand you don't agree with it, but wouldn't you rather me be with someone I loved? Someone I trusted?"
"I don't give a shit what you do, but you should have thought about the consequences before you let all of this happen," her mother insisted, folding her arms in front of her chest while she glared out at Y/N. "We're no longer paying for school. We're not going to pay rent for this fucking house and we never want to see you again. You are on your own. You are cut off and this is the last time you are ever going to see us, do you understand me?"
"So you want me to starve on the streets and have absolutely nothing?" Y/N almost screamed and she couldn't find it in herself to actually calm down at this point. Her mother had her so worked up and her heart was hammering away in her chest. It was causing her arms to go numb with how upset she was. "I embarrassed you and this is what I get? I get thrown in the ditch because of it?"
"You are a spoiled fucking child and you always have been," her mother answered and she shook her head. "After everything we've done for you, after everything we've given you...this is how you decide to repay us?"
"Mom, I swear I never did this to embarrass you. I understand that I made a mistake in your eyes and I get it, but this isn't like you," she pointed out knowing her mother would have never done something like this in the past. "I'm not asking for your money. If you want to cut me off, fine.  I never want your money anyways, but I love you. I love you and dad so much. You don't need to write me off because you both mean so much to me."
"We don't care how you feel," her mother alerted her with a firm tone. "As far as we're concerned, we never had a fucking child..."
"And what about Negan? Is dad going to write off Negan too?" Y/N scrambled for answers when her mother moved around the car in an attempt to leave. "Am I the only one being punished for this? For falling in love with a man that loves me too?"
"Please..." her mother laughed and moved back around the car to step before Y/N. "You really think that Negan loves you?"
"He does," Y/N corrected her mother and she nodded slowly. Everyone made it seem like a joke when she mentioned being in love with Negan and she hated it. It made it seem like she wasn't good enough for Negan and people were always trying to make a mockery out of her feelings. She knew how she felt and she also knew the way Negan treated her. Negan wouldn't have done the things he did if he didn't feel for her, so she hated hearing this kind of response from people. "He constantly tells me that he loves me."
"I've known Negan longer than I've known you," her mother began with venom in her tone. "That man has been fucking anything that moves for as long as I've known him, but one thing has always stayed the same. That's how he always goes back to his wife. There is only one thing that man loves and that's his penis, but if he were capable of loving someone it is his wife. You...you're just an embarrassment."
"So does this mean I'm right? Dad isn't going to write off Negan, but I'm written off?" she confirmed and her mother gave her an odd expression. It was shocking to hear that they blamed none of this on Negan and were still willing to have him in their life, but not have their actual daughter in their lives. Y/N was their flesh and blood, but they didn't seem to care. "What sense does that make? I'm your daughter."
"And you knew better. We know the kind of person Negan is, but you..." her mother shook her head and moved back around the car. "You pretended to be something you weren't the entire time. We've already turned off your phone and closed the bank accounts. I hope you're happy with yourself and what you've done."
"So just like that? I'm not welcome in your life anymore?" Y/N sobbed and her mother shrugged, throwing her hands up in the air. Y/N couldn't believe that her mother was so eager to write her off like this and not even be affected by it. "Because dad's friend seduced me and made me fall in love with him? I've been with one my man my entire life. I'm not sleeping around. I'm not being a slut, I've just been with Negan and that's worth writing me off forever?"
"You embarrassed your father and me," Y/N's mother confirmed and she let out a tense sound. "We never...want to see you again."
"Mom, you don't mean that," Y/N denied those words and watched her mother get into her car. Stepping forward, Y/N grabbed onto the window that was open on the side of the car and lowered enough to look at her mother. "I'm sorry, okay? But...this is extreme. You know I love you and I'm sorry. I don't want your things and I don't want your money, but I love you and..."
"Let go of the window," her mother warned and Y/N heard her mother's anger. "If you don't let go of the window, I will pull out of here and hurt you."
"Please..." Y/N begged again, but her mother was not lying. A moment later she felt her body tugged forward and she released the window before she could fall over onto the cement. Without a second thought, her mother peeled away and Y/N felt like the world was closing in around her.
Looking to her things that were thrown all over the front yard, she just collapsed. When she thought about her parents finding out about her and Negan, she thought her parents would be upset, but she never thought they were going to cut her off completely. Covering her face, she cried and felt her chest aching. She wasn't sure what happened, but this was the last thing she truly thought would happen with her parents.
Instead of contacting Negan or Joel, it took her hours to finally get all of her things in the house and she stayed to herself. Sitting in the corner of the living room after everything that happened, Y/N just found herself lost in all of it. Her world was completely altered now that her parents had done what they had. She wasn't kidding when she told her mother she didn't want their money, although...now everything would be different. She could no longer go to school. She couldn't afford her half of the house with Negan.
While her parents had never been what she considered good parents and most of her life was spent ignored, she had truly loved her parents. The fact they were so willing to cut her off had her completely confused and it hurt her. Never in her life had she really been a bad kid so the only thing she ever did wrong was fall in love with Negan in their eyes.
It took a long time before she finally got up and moving again, but she was at a complete loss on what to do. She stayed to herself and found herself wishing like hell that this was a nightmare. That this was something she made up in her dreams, but it wasn't. She tried calling her parents from the landline, but neither one of them answered. They were sticking to their guns and she wondered if it would always be like that.
The next day she still decided to go to class, even though she felt like she had been hit by a truck. She was wondering if it was even worth it at this point after her mother told her she would no longer fund her going to school. It was hard to focus in her class while the presentation was going on. Today she had already received messages from both Joel and Negan, but ignored them both. Something just didn't feel right in writing either one of them right now. Especially Negan.
After her class, she headed out to go to her next one and dropped her bag at her side when her eyes connected with Lucille sitting by the fountain on campus. Suddenly, everything began to make sense when she saw Negan's wife sitting there, clearly waiting for Y/N.
Y/N's heart began to pound inside of her chest and the adrenaline flooded through her veins. Moving up to Lucille, Y/N lowered the hood to the sweatshirt she was wearing in class to keep others from seeing how upset she had clearly been.
When Lucille spotted her, an arrogant smile expanded over her features and Y/N shook her head, "You are a wretched bitch. I should have known that this all had something to do with you."
"Oh, so your parents got the video? So glad to hear," Lucille announced with a satisfied sound. Y/N's fists clenched at her sides as she stared down at Negan's wife and she felt her breath catch in her throat. She was an idiot to believe that Lucille wouldn't do anything. This whole time Y/N just assumed Negan was right about Lucille. That her bark was bigger than her bite, but Lucille bit and when she bit she went for the jugular. "Of course I sent it to them anonymously so there isn't actually any proof that connects me to what happened with them."
"Wow," Y/N let out a tense sound as she contemplated what to actually say. "Negan believes you are such a wonderful woman that would never do anything to hurt anyone else. I didn't believe you would actually do this with how highly Negan thinks of you..."
"I told you to break up with Negan or I would ruin your life," Lucille reminded her and Y/N let out a hesitant laugh. "You're fucking up my life so I have no empathy for whatever happened to you. You deserved whatever you got."
"I deserved my parents writing me off completely where they told me they never wanted to see me again?" Y/N snapped, her eyes tearing over as Lucille stared out at her. After Y/N's outburst, she could see Lucille's smile slowly fading and Y/N shook her head. "You are a cruel son of a bitch. My mother showed up with all my things that she thought I deserved and told me that my father and her never wanted to see my face again, but don't worry...they didn't blame Negan what-so-ever. In fact my father plans to still be best friends with him, but me...as far as they are fucking concerned they never had a daughter. I deserved that?"
"That's...that's not really what I thought they would do," Lucille admitted with a long sigh, clearly not happy to hear that that's how things went down. "I kind of just assumed they would yell at you and force you to stop seeing Negan. Actually I assumed Negan would get told off too. I didn't think..."
"Like you give a shit," Y/N barked and shook her head slowly. "Like you said, you have absolutely no empathy for me."
"I can't control that your parents are...awful. How was I supposed to know that they would do that? Most parents would usually just lecture their child and make them stop," Lucille reasoned with Y/N, standing up from where she was seated. "You just wouldn't take the hint, even after my warnings. I told you to break up with Negan and you didn't. I warned you."
"You sure did," Y/N swallowed down hard and looked down toward her feet. "Thank you for that."
"I guess this last month hasn't been that great for you, huh?" Lucille commented and Y/N could feel her cheeks flushing over with warmth. "First you have a really shitty birthday and then your parents completely write you off. I guess when you do awful things, you get payback."
"Wow," Y/N nodded realizing that Lucille clearly knew what day her birthday had been and had made sure to ruin the day that she was meant to have with Negan. Y/N stood there for a moment. More than anything she wanted to rip Lucille a new one, to give her a piece of her mind, but when she realized the kind of person that she was fucking with, Y/N reached for her bag and threw it over her shoulder. "You are an awful person."
"That's comedic coming from you," Lucille rolled her green eyes and Y/N felt like she was about to explode.
"I don't think I'm a good person, but when you told me you thought you had cancer I made sure not to tell Negan a thing," Y/N shook her head and let out a sigh. "I didn't want to cause you more trouble than I already had, but I shouldn't have even bothered."
"And suddenly I'm supposed to be thankful for that?" Lucille's head tilted to the side. "You think I give a shit what you did to make my life less miserable? You're still with my husband and have no plans of ending things with him."
"I'm done," Y/N walked away from Lucille and could hear Lucille gathering her things while quickly following after her. "I have to get to my next class. This is my last semester since I've been written off completely and I should finish things off right. I hope you are genuinely happy with the things you've done. Having my parents do what they did definitely made a point and I won't forget what you've done. So thank you for that."
"Like I said, to be fair...I didn't know what your parents were going to do," Lucille called out and Y/N turned on her heel to look back at Negan's wife.
"You just thought it would be a good idea to send a video of my father's best friend fucking his daughter to my parents?" Y/N pointed out what Lucille had done and she could see the color draining from Lucille's face. "I realize I'm not a good person, but I could never imagine doing that to someone."
"You can't judge me, you're fucking my husband," Lucille snarled and Y/N nodded. "I had my reasons to do what I did."
"Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better," Y/N went to walk away and she heard Lucille call out to her.
"You know that Negan is just with you because he feels bad about himself, right? You make him feel better about himself," Lucille tossed the idea out there and Y/N stopped to listen Lucille. Even though she knew it would get her no further in life and whatever Lucille had to say would probably upset her more, Y/N listened. "We were fine for a while until Negan couldn't give me a baby. Anytime Negan feels like less of a man, he goes out and finds someone that makes him feel better about himself. You're just there to make Negan feel like more of a man. He can get the young girl and make her fall head over heels for him. You rub his ego and make him feel good about himself. I know my husband. I know how he feels about things. He's filling you with false hope for something more, but there is never going to be something more."
Taking in what Lucille said, Y/N nodded and went to move forward before Lucille started speaking again, "You know...I have kind of a personal question for you...that video I saw, that was porn level fucking between you and Negan. It was fucking. Merely that. One of the last fights I had with my husband was over the fact he always wanted to make love to me. He wanted to be silly and sweet with me. He wanted to make it special for me and I told him just to fuck me like he did his other sluts and it pissed him off. When Negan sleeps with me, he wants to make the scenario perfect and romantic. He wants to make it perfect every time. I got sick of it. Does Negan try to make you feel special? Is it always about making love to you?"
Looking down toward the ground, Y/N felt her face getting hot at Lucille clearly trying to get her fired up about Negan. For most of her relationship with Negan, it was always hard sex. It was rough, it was animalistic and while Negan on occasion had made lover to her, it was actually pretty rare between them. That's why those moments were so special for Y/N when they happened. While they were always very connected, a lot of things always felt very sex oriented.
"My husband doesn't love you, he's just happy to be getting young pussy," Lucille dug in further what she believed Negan truly felt. "I almost feel bad for you for believing that you actually think you have something special with Negan."
"And I feel sorry for Negan because he genuinely believes he's married to a good woman," Y/N finally announced and she looked over her shoulder at Lucille. "I think he'd be so disappointed to find out the woman he is really married to."
"And what does that mean?" Lucille called out, "You think Negan will actually believe that I'm the person that sent that video? There is no proof of it other than your word and you think he will actually believe you? My husband is only with you because he can't get me knocked up so he has to find positivity in his life somewhere else. You're a phase and the fact you can't see that...that makes me feel bad for you."
Ignoring Lucille, Y/N walked off and went to class late.  She was done with dealing with cruel people and she couldn't handle it anymore. Clearly Lucille wanted to continue to fight and Y/N just didn't have it in her.
Later that night when Negan had showed up at the house for his day with Y/N, she had unloaded on him about everything that happened with her parents. Negan sat there and listened to everything she was saying while at the opposite end of the couch. There was no doubt that he was paying attention to her because his hazel eyes never left hers.
"We can fix this," Negan suggested after she got done telling him what happened with her mother and Negan let out a long exhale. "Maybe it had something to do with the cloud and when I sent it to you, they somehow got it too. All I have to do is talk to them and then..."
"Negan, they made it clear they have no problem with you, it is me they have problems with," Y/N explained reaching up to wipe at her eyes to get the dampness from them and she let out a shuddering exhale. Her mother made is clear that her father still wanted Negan in his life because they 'knew' who Negan was. "My mother made it clear that her and my father never want to see me again."
"They are just shell shocked right now and shit. They don't fucking mean it," Negan tried to assure her and he could hear her start to cry again. Scooting across the couch, Negan reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. This was never a topic he thought he would have to approach with Y/N anytime soon. Hell, not for years. Negan always felt like he was so careful and truly wondered what he had done for it to happen like this. "Don't worry about it, okay? I'll take care of the cost of the house and I'll pay for the things they took away. I'll get you a phone and then I'll pay for your school."
"You can't afford my school," she reminded him and Negan shrugged his shoulders. This wasn't why she had vented to Negan. She didn't want his money. She didn't want anything from him other than to share her feelings with the man she loved. "You're married and you could never be able to do that."
"I can..." Negan swallowed down hard, reaching up to rub at the side of his face with his free hand. Negan's fingers dragged through his short beard and he clearly was thinking of something to say. "The house will be no problem and fuck...with the school I'll sell the car."
"No," Y/N denied his offer immediately as she reached up to wipe at her face. "You love that car and you worked so hard to get that car. I couldn't do that to you."
"I don't care, I love you more than that car," Negan insisted, reaching out to caress over the side of her face. "I'll pay for everything that I can. I'll take care of you and I promise. I caused this fucking mess with your parents, I will make sure to take care of you."
"This is on my parents, not you..." she shuddered and she could feel that her body was still shaking. All the stress was building inside of her and she really had no idea how to handle all of this. The ache her body was feeling was incredible and not in a good way. Everything hurt, but she just felt like she had been hit by a car...several times.
"No, this is my fault," Negan admitted, pulling his arm from around her shoulders and he shook his head slowly. "I knew it was wrong to go after you, but I did it anyways. If they don't wake up, it's my responsibility to take care of you and I will. I don't need the mustang. I have a truck already. The mustang was just the little kid in me wanting what I've always wanted, but I have more than that with you by my side."
"Fuck," Y/N lowered her head feeling her chest ache when Negan said it. The words her mother and Lucille had said were swimming around inside of her head for so long that Y/N truly had thought Negan felt nothing for her. Yet hearing what he had just said really knocked her off her feet. Was this how Negan really felt or did he feel like he had to do this to help her? It had honestly confused her after the fears her mother and Lucille had implanted into her head about Negan. It was such a sweet saying, but maybe he felt obligated to say what he did. "Some days you are the most amazing man in the world that says the sweetest, kindest things and others...I just wonder if I'm here to make you feel better about yourself."
"Why would you say that?" Negan tilted his head to the side and cracked a smile. Of all the things for her to say, that just seemed...odd.
"I need to talk to you about something," Y/N claimed, hating that she was letting it get to this, but she had to talk to Negan about everything. Negan deserved the truth, even if it was exceedingly late. Maybe if she would have been honest with him from the start, none of this would have ever happened in the first place. Negan could have taken care of it and her parents would have never been involved. "I need you to promise me that you won't get mad."
"Why am I going to get mad?" Negan's right eyebrow perked up and he shrugged his shoulders. The look she gave him showed him she was expecting him to promise and he snickered. With an opening like that, he wasn't really sure what to say, but he was going to give her what she wanted. "Okay, I won't get mad."
"It was Lucille that sent the video to my parents Negan," Y/N informed him and Negan's smile expanded and he shook his head like she was joking. There was a clear sense of denial flooding in Negan's mind while he gave Y/N a shifty eyed glance. "Negan, Lucille found me and she threatened me that if I didn't tell you that I was breaking up with you that she would ruin my life. She's the one that sent my parents the video."
"That's fucking bullshit," Negan denied the claim she gave him and he shook his head. A half laugh fell from his lips and his brow line tensed. There was a clear uncomfortable nature in the way he was standing before her when his hands rest in over his hips. "Because if that was the case you would have fucking told me that because you are supposed to tell me everything."
"She made me feel guilty Negan about her potentially being sick. I just figured..." she watched Negan's hands rise to cut her off and she felt her throat go dry. So far it seemed like Lucille was right and smart in making sure that it couldn't lead back to her. Negan wasn't going to believe her about Lucille and that hurt. "Negan..."
"You're going to go immediately to blaming Lucille for this?" Negan snapped and she felt her chest tightening while she stared out at him. It was obvious he was frustrated with what she was saying and just didn't want to believe it. "For all we know it could have been your boy Joel since you tell him every fucking thing."
"Oh yeah, it was Joel. He snuck onto my phone, somehow figured out my passcode and sent the video you sent me of us fucking in the bowling alley to my parents. That theory makes total sense," she blurted out and shook her head. "What the hell kind of shit would Joel gain from that?"
"I just know it wasn't Lucille," Negan held his hands up in the air and blew off Y/N. "I don't know why you have it in your head..."
"I don't have jackshit in my head Negan, it's true. She showed up at my school and threatened me with the video on her phone. Told me she had the video for a long time, but never thought anything of it because you are a fucking cheater," Y/N recalled her interaction with Lucille and Negan's breathing got heavier. "What really made her think more about it was the fact you kept sneaking off. That you were always on your phone. She found me while you were looking at a photo book together. She found me at my school Negan and threatened me. Told me that I had to break up with you and I wasn't allowed to tell you why. She told me if I didn't that she would ruin my life. So yeah, your precious little wife really is capable of all of this. She sent the video of us fucking to my parents. So while you think you are safe, Lucille knows how to get into your phone Negan."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Negan's nose wrinkled and it was clear that he was angry with how things had turned out. "You're supposed to be honest with me about everything. If this really happened you should have come to me immediately."
"I was going to tell you. I called Lucille to meet up with her again. I told her that I wasn't going to leave you because you were everything to me. You were my happiness and the only thing that would actually ruin my life was losing you," she admitted and Negan gave her a glare as he stood up and paced. The way he paced made her uncomfortable and she moved over toward him. "I told her I was going to tell you and she brought up her being sick. Made me feel guilty and I figured since I already put her through so much that I wouldn't tell you. I just thought she would say something to you, but..."
"That's not your decision to make. You should have told me because that was my fucking wife," Negan snapped and she felt her heart hammering inside of her chest. "You had no right to keep that from me."
"I'm sorry, I know," she tried to explain and Negan turned on his heel, burying his face into his hands. A loud groan escaped his throat and she could tell that he was upset. "She did this Negan."
"And you have proof that she did?" Negan confirmed and Y/N threw her hands up in the air. Of course Lucille had to be right about this and Negan didn't believe her. It was why she was so proud of herself that there was no proof that she had actually sent it to Y/N's parents. It hurt that Negan didn't believe her. "Show me the proof."
"She found me at school again and came to gloat about it," Y/N recalled and could see Negan's jaw flexing while he stared out at her. "She was very proud of herself for what she had done and said a lot of nasty things, believe it or not."
"It's hard to believe it because you are basically explaining a woman that I don't know. Sure, she's been fucking aggressive with me, but I don't see her being the kind of person that would purposely ruin a young girl's life like this. I don't see her sending a sex tape to someone's parents," Negan threw his hands up in the air and she felt her heart begin to pound faster in her chest. "Lucille just isn't that type of person."
"So you think I'm lying?" she looked Negan over and he tilted his head the side and let out a loud huff. "Wow, this is great. Maybe you just don't know your wife like you think you do Negan."
Turning away from Negan, she started to head for the stairs and heard Negan following her not far behind, clearly not ready to end their discussion. When she had moved for the bedroom, Negan slammed the door shut and forced her to turn to look at him.
"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just hard to picture," Negan insisted with a bit of a growl in his tone. While he wanted to believe Y/N, there was still the fact that he had known Lucille most of his life and she never seemed like the kind of person Y/N was claiming her to be.
"Do you know both your wife and my mother were insistent that you don't love me?" she informed him and Negan bit at his bottom lip while his hazel eyes stared into hers. It was words that were repeating in her head. While she wanted to push them aside and pretend that it wasn't true, the fear of what they were saying be true still resonated strongly in her mind. "Apparently, according to your wife the only reason you are with me is because you couldn't get her knocked up and you needed someone to make you feel good. I'm just a phase. Every single one of them made me the bad guy. Told me that I'm just going to be left because if one thing was for certain, it was that you always go back to your wife."
"I love you, they don't know what they are talking about," Negan stated with a long sigh and he lowered his head to look down toward the ground. Giving it a moment, she realized that Negan actually seemed worried and she half laughed moving into the bedroom. "What?"
"They are right, aren't they? I really am just a phase?" Y/N tried to confirm and Negan shook his head. The way he was acting made it seem like he was more concerned with Lucille actually knowing about the two of them being together than he was with what happened to her. It wasn't at all the way she thought he would react after he had told her so many times in the past that he wanted to be with Y/N after he found out that Lucille would be okay. "Negan, I don't think you are upset about this, I think you are upset that Lucille knows that you are with me."
"Well it is fucking concerning that she knows and hasn't said anything," Negan responded with a hesitant sound. In the past if she would have found out that he was cheating, she would have never just stood back and done thing. If what Y/N was saying was true, then Lucille was doing something that scared him and was completely unlike her. "What's her plan?"
"To ruin my life so she can have you all to herself?" Y/N answered and Negan frowned, folding his arms in front of his chest.
"How much did she fucking know?" Negan was tense and he seemed nervous as all hell. "Like, does she know everything about the two of us?"
"I don't think so. I just think she knows that the two of us are sleeping together and you are interacting with me a lot," she recalled everything that Lucille had said. It was pretty clear that she had no idea how close Negan and her truly were. "I don't think she knows we have the dog or live in the house together. I just think she knows we're...close."
"Are you sure?" Negan confirmed holding his hand up as if being cautious with the idea.
"Pretty sure Negan, but I think we have some bigger things to worry about here," Y/N snapped, not exactly appreciating that he was lost on just how much Lucille may or may not know. She knew and that was the point of it all. Why did it matter how much she actually knew? "They all blame me for this. When it was you to begin with that was coming for me and seducing me. Apparently the person who is mostly to blame is innocent."
"You know...you weren't telling me no," Negan reminded her and she tilted her head to the side, giving him a confused look. Why did he have to go and say something like that when she was stressed about the situation? "You could have told me no when I was coming onto you, but you liked it."
"I never said I was innocent in all of this because you know how I feel about you," she scoffed and could see that Negan appeared to be angry with her even after he promised he wouldn't be. "What is going on here Negan?"
"I don't know. It kind of seems like you are offended that they are putting all the blame on you because you think all the blame should be on me," Negan replied, tossing his hands up again while he spoke. "I can't help your parents are assholes."
"I never said you could," she retorted with a frown. The way that Negan's face twisted both with confusion and fear really brought forth the things that her mother and Lucille had said. Maybe Negan didn't love her like she loved him. "Negan...do you still love your wife?"
"I told you I'll always love Lucille," Negan answered firmly and he reached up to brush his fingers through his hair almost in a nervous sweep. "But I'm not in love with her like I am you. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."
"Yet you didn't believe me when I told you what she did," Y/N grumbled and Negan half laughed. Negan's hands slid down to his hips and he stood in front of her with a tense expression. "Are you really with me to punish her Negan? Are you sleeping with me because you are upset that you couldn't get her pregnant, so that's why I'm here? I just make you feel better about yourself."
"That's a stupid question," Negan rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. "Clearly I care about you. I offered to sell my mustang to help you go to school. If it was all about Lucille, I wouldn't do that. I think you need to get your shit together a little bit here. I wouldn't do half the shit for you that I do if I didn't fucking love you." 
"Well according to her you couldn't finish the deed so you've been sleeping with me because I'm young and I'm building your ego," she dug her words in, repeating what Lucille had said to her. It was something that had stuck with her and Negan's face scrunched up when she said it. "Apparently you're just not man enough to..."
"Watch it," Negan cut her off, lifting his hand to point out at her. There was a vein protruding at the side of his temple and it looked like he was trying to hold back his anger on her.
"Are you serious? This isn't stuff I've said. It's stuff that your precious wife has said," she almost mocked him and Negan stepped forward. The sound of his breathing was loud and she could tell that he was angry with her. "Is this love or infatuation Negan?"
"Listen, I don't know what fuck you're getting at, but I know what I love," Negan snorted and she snickered. It was an uncomfortable laugh. She didn't actually find this amusing. More so she was confused why he was so upset with her when she was being honest with him and sharing her fears of everything that was happening. "Maybe you're the person that needs to ask yourself that question. Are you in love with me?"
"I'm not the one that's married," she pointed out and Negan's angry smile expanded over his features and he nodded slowly. "Would you even be here with me right now if you were able to get her knocked up? I mean you were attempting to still get her pregnant while dating me. What would have happened if it had worked? I can't imagine having a child with that woman, she is vile..."
"Stop," Negan ordered and she felt him cornering her in the bedroom. It wasn't often that Negan intimidated her, but right now he was. The tone of his voice and the way he was looking at her wasn't really normal for Negan and she didn't know how to respond. "I understand that some bad shit went down between the two of you and eventually we will deal with that, but you're still talking about my best friend. The woman I've been with since I was a kid."
"Wow..." she looked up at Negan and could see the way his hazel eyes were full of anger. After the way that Lucille treated her, she almost expected Negan to think differently of Lucille as well, but he clearly wasn't. It was vile to send a sex tape to someone's parents and the fact he wasn't seeing what she was like really upset her. "You were never planning on leaving her, were you? This whole time it was just a bunch of bullshit to keep me hanging on. What she did to me was wrong and if you think it's not then you are just as bad as her. You know she told me she purposely ruined my birthday."
"You ruined your own birthday," Negan scoffed, placing his hands on the wall beside her and she felt suddenly closed in with him blocking her off like he was. "You were acting like a child. You knew what you were signing up for when you got with me. You knew this was a possibility. I pour my fucking heart out and get you something special. Instead of being thankful you have to fucking whine."
"You don't regret doing what you did on my birthday, do you?" she swallowed down hard and could see Negan's eyes narrowing out at her.
"I felt fucking awful about it actually, but you sure as hell made me feel fucking terrible after what happened. I'd say we're more than equal after everything," Negan answered her with a huff and she snickered, clearly offended that he thought they were equal after what he did for her birthday. Negan felt her try to move around him and he grabbed a tight hold of her jaw to push her back into position. "I was so proud of what I had done for you and I found a majority of the cake still left over in the fridge. The giant teddy bear I got you is just sitting there in the corner of the living room and you don't appreciate the rings at all."
"You have no idea how I feel about the rings. I'm wearing the ring, aren't I?" she held her hand up to show that she was wearing his promise ring and Negan gave her a glare. His eyes surveyed the ring before he licked his lips tensely. "Yeah, I find it to be a weird concept when I know that I will never be yours Negan, but I wear it because I love you and you mean the world to me. As far as the cake, how do you expect me to eat a giant sheet cake all on my own when you are rarely here lately? As far as the giant teddy bear, what do you expect me to do with it? It scares Ghost. Do you think I should be sleeping with it in bed at night? Pretend it is you when I'm lonely and alone in bed at night?"
"You have an answer for everything, don't you?" Negan's eyes stared into hers and they were hooked on her. "It still doesn't change the fact that the way you acted about the rings hurt me."
"Oh, my bad," she tried to place her hand over his chest to place a bit of distance between the two of them. There was an immense amount of heat filtering through her face and she felt uncomfortable with him towering over her. "Maybe if I would have thrown a glass at your face we would have been better off."
There was a silence between them when Negan's eyebrows perked up and she found herself angry as hell that Negan was getting mad at her over the fact she had dissed Lucille. The fact he was so mad at her when Lucille had in fact thrown a glass at his face in the past was bothering her. Reaching up to shove into the center of Negan's chest, she heard him wince, but he didn't move, "You're lucky to have me you know because I have a big heart and when I love, I love with everything that I am. Anyone would be lucky to have me. Other people would love me too. You said no one would love me like you do, but someone out there might want me to be their one and only. Someone out there might..."
"Stop," Negan rolled his eyes and shook his head while she rambled on about the things that he said that clearly upset her. "The only thing you are is what I've made you. Before me...what were you? You were just some shy, innocent virgin girl. It took me breaking you out of your shell for you to even get notice from people, so zip that ego in the ass because I don't need to hear how lucky I am to have you when I made you."
"Wow," she found herself shocked with what he had just said and she lowered her head. "I thought you liked me for who I was."
"I did, but I made you perfect," Negan answered with a snort, reaching down with one of his hands to urge her chin up to him. "You were cute. You were charming and I wanted you, but now...look at you. You have confidence. You know you are a beautiful and you catch people's attention. Look at fucking Joel. The guy is fucking fawning over you. Do you really think that would have happened if you weren't the you that I made you?"
"Be honest...do you love me more than you love Lucille?" Y/N found her body shaking while Negan stood before her with a snide expression over his face. "I should have known you weren't an honest man when I found out you were married. You keep feeding me with these bullshit lies and you never follow through. You never do and for some reason I just keep falling for it. I lost everything for you and because I loved you I let it happen. Yet what have you lost Negan?"
"I love you, but what the hell do you expect from me? You meet Lucille once and you decide to be cruel to me, just like she is? I put up with that shit enough at home, I don't need that shit from you too," Negan felt her push him again and he squeezed tighter at her jaw, slamming her back into the corner making her wince when he did it. "You want to tell me how awful I am? Let's talk about you. The young girl that knows I'm fucking married yet you continuously sleep with me and have an affair with me. What are you? Because you sure as hell aren't fucking innocent."
Negan's hand hooked with her throat and she heard him breathing hard. Her eyes stared out into his and he huffed, "If you continue to treat me like this, what do you expect to happen? I was fully prepared to leave Lucille for you because of how you made me feel, but lately you've just been making me feel bad. You want me to find someone else? Give someone else this life? You're easily replaceable Y/N, so don't forget everything I've done for you." 
"You are such an asshole," she could feel her anger getting the best of her and she managed to get her hand loose enough to firmly hit Negan in the abdomen causing him to double over, letting out a pained groan.  Going to move around Negan, she felt him shoving into her from behind, knocking her to the ground firmly as he fell on top of her. Her hand connected with the side of his face smacking him firmly and he grunted when he felt her clawing at the side of his face. They both had clearly gotten heated in their argument and were fighting for dominance over the other.
Negan hissed out loud as he reached for her hands and slammed them down on the ground. Her whimper filled the air as he glared down at her. The look in her eyes showed she was angry and full of hate while he had her pinned down.
"You are a naughty fucking girl," Negan scowled and could see that she was breathing heavily while staring up at him. The grasp he had on her wrists tightened, making her wince and a wicked smirk pressed in over Negan's lips. "You just want to be rough with me, huh?"
"Shut up," she grunted, hearing him laugh and he lowered in closer to her making her breath catch in her throat when his lips hovered over hers. "Negan..."
"What?" Negan bit at her bottom lip, giving it a firm tug and an involuntary moan fell from her throat. A moment later, her lips met his in a sloppy kiss causing him to groan against her lips when she did it.
Tugging at her wrists, she managed to pull them free. Negan grunted when she tugged at the bottom of his shirt to push it up his body. Desperately her hands seemed to palm up and over his abdomen, toward his chest and back. There was something different in Negan's eyes while he stared down at her amused. She didn't give him long to judge her when she rose up to kiss him again. Working on getting open his belt, she wasted no time in unbuttoning his jeans and unzipping them when she finished parting his belt. Negan huffed when she managed to force the material down his hips. After, he moved swiftly in getting her pants from her body before lowering back over her. Urging her thighs up closer to him, he moved over her powerfully and reached down to tear the material of her panties away from her body. A frustrated gasp fell from her lips, but before she could respond he was inside of her within seconds. It was a forceful, fluid movement that caused her to clasp tightly to his shoulders and whimper. Thrusting roughly over her again and again, he felt her fingers tugging roughly at his hair and he growled out loudly.
The smacking of their skin filled the room with how hard he was fucking her and he could hear her crying out with every forward thrust he made inside of her. Reaching up with his right hand, he grabbed a tight hold of the base of her throat and heard her wince when he applied some pressure to it. Negan's thrusts became slower, but sharper while he held tightly to her throat. Her eyes closed from the tension and when they did, he loosened up the grip and she shook her head.
"No..." she urged his hand back to her throat and got him to tighten his grasp.
The one thing she was used to with Negan lately was the pain and feeling the pain was one of the only times it made her feel completely alive. It was a strange feeling and she knew it, but it was what she wanted. Maybe it was her punishing herself in her own way, but it's what she felt like she deserved.
Her body tensed up when Negan started urging his cock into her harder and faster. The wet sounds filled the room as she clung tightly to his body.
"You just wanted me to fuck you really hard, huh?" Negan questioned, demanding an answer when he tugged harder at her throat. Something that resembled a gasp fell from her lips when she nodded and Negan shook his head. "You could have just fucking asked you little sex freak. You didn't have to say such awful things to get me to fuck you like this."
The power of Negan's hips smacking up against her caused her to whimper with every movement while his body pounded inside of her. The stretching of her body around his was uncomfortable, but still was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.
"What is with you and fucking pain?" Negan grunted, forcing his entire length into her. Her head dropped back, her body arching up almost trying to instinctively pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her. Negan reached up with his free hand and smacked at the side of her face again making her cry out. "Do you like hurting people? Huh!?"
The smacking of their skin got louder the harder Negan moved and she could feel her vision blacking over. With the grasp of Negan's palm over her throat being as tight as it was it made it hard to breathe. Desperately she wanted to gasp for the air she was being deprived of, but she could feel a liquid warmth building up in her core. This was unlike any other feeling she had ever had before when having sex with Negan. It was strange how having him choking her like he was only enhanced the pleasure of everything that was happening. This was definitely something she was going to be feeling the after effects for a while with how rough he was being, but in the moment it all felt so amazing. With the smacking sounds of their flesh filling the air it was further driving her crazy and she could feel her body start to shake. The sound of Negan's sharp breaths and moans were like music to her ears and it was clear that Negan could sense that she was on the verge of an orgasm with the way he was thrusting inside of her. The beginnings of her orgasm crashed over her as Negan continued to fuck her through it. The sensation of the tip of his cock hitting her g-spot again and again sent her through one of the strongest orgasms she had ever had. A proud sound fell from Negan's throat and she felt the warmth of his breath over her lips while he kissed her.
"Fuck..." Negan threw his head back, a growl falling from his lips when he clearly came inside of her after bucking up against her a few more times. Negan's palm released her throat and the loud inhale of her trying to breathe in was heard. She coughed to try and get the air back into her lungs while Negan rest in over her. His lips were kissing over the side of her jaw and she felt an ache at the center of her chest when thinking about what had just happened.
Reaching up, she used what strength she had to push Negan from over her and whimpered when his body pulled from inside of her. Negan dropped to the floor beside her on his back, lying stretched out while he tried to catch his breath.  His legs were still tangled with hers and Negan let out a tense laugh when he looked over at her. The way his chest was rising and falling showed it was quite a workout for him too and he licked over his lips. There was something in the way his arrogance spread over his face that caused her to almost get angry with him.  Negan was proud of himself with what he had done, but for some reason she felt dirty about all of it.
"You're fucking wild..." Negan groaned out and she swallowed down hard. Negan lifted his head up and looked over his damp body, reaching down to caress over his abdomen and up toward his sweaty chest. "I never realized how much you fucking liked rough sex. If that's what you would have wanted...we didn't have to go the fighting route."
She said nothing, just laid in the center of the floor feeling sorry for herself. Negan was right. She was sleeping with him knowing that he was a married man. She was living together in a home with him knowing that in another part of town he shared a home with his wife. Maybe this is what she deserved. While she yearned for the romance and to have Negan make love to her, this was the side of Negan that she got. It was clear he cared for her, but Negan wasn't out for romance with her. He liked fucking her and he made that very clear. 
Her heart was hammering in her chest as Negan moved onto his side. Negan reached for her face and grabbed a tight hold of it, forcing her to look at him. Negan took notice of the mark that was left from him smacking her and he moved in to press soft kisses over it. Wincing when he kissed over a certain area, Negan hushed her and continued to pepper her cheek with kisses.
"You know I do love you, right?" Negan pulled away, his eyes searching hers for a moment. He could see tears pressing in over her eyes while she looked away from him and he made an awe sound. Reaching for her jaw he turned her forcefully to look at him and shook his head. "You know I love you. It's just...you shouldn't hurt people like that...you know? Yes, I love both of you and I can understand your frustration, but you know how much you mean to me. You shouldn't treat me like that."
"How can you love me and love her at the same time?" she finally breathed and Negan tipped in to press another soft kiss at her cheekbone. "Maybe it's time you just...stayed with her."
"Now why would I do that?" Negan chuckled, tipping in to firmly bite at her bottom lip and she whimpered out. Negan hummed when he dragged his tongue out over her lip before flicking his tongue between her parted lips. "I want to be with you as soon as this is over."
"But I can't stay waiting forever," she reminded him and Negan laughed. Negan caressed over the side of her face and she could feel her chest aching more by looking up at him. "I'm in love with you Negan."
"Which is why your first statement is bullshit," Negan whispered with a tight breath. He was still panting and she couldn't blame him. Her body ached, her pulse was racing and the room honestly felt like it was spinning around her. "You'll stay waiting until I make you stop."
Negan's grin expanded over his features and his comment hit her like a bag of bricks. Negan knew that he had her. That he was the one in control of the relationship. He had her hooked so hard that she would never be able to leave him.
"We're meant to be together," Negan assured her, pressing soft, delicate kisses over her lips. "And you are always going to be mine."
"But..." she began and Negan hushed her, reaching up to press his fingertip over her lips to silence her.
"Whatever you say, you know it's bullshit. You wouldn't know what to do with yourself if I wasn't here..." Negan pointed out with a heavy sigh. "Which is why we are going to get over this. We love each other and nothing is changing that, right?"
Negan brushed his fingertips through her hair and she swallowed down hard. It hurt to admit it, but Negan was right. Nodding, she felt awful when the amused expression pressed in over Negan's features. The weight of his body crawled back in over hers and she felt him kissing her time and time again. If anything, this all made her feel bad. What if this thing would never be over? Would she always be stuck waiting for him on the sidelines? It was obvious Negan liked her agreeing that they would always love each other. "That's what I thought. I will always fucking love you, but you're just going to have to keep waiting until I'm sure of everything. Then...only then can we be together."