Big, Mean, Loving- a Shrek x Jasper fanfic

Chapter 2: The Signs

Jasper was in Shipping 101. There, the teacher, Ms. Big Gay Rock, or Garnet, was explaining how knowing zodiacs can make shipping easier. For example, Aquarius and Scorpio doesn't match, because Scorpios are sassy and Aquariuses hate sassy people. Then, Peridot and Lapis stood up.

" Excuse YOU, but Lapis and I are VERY VERY GAY and I'm an Aquarius and she's a Scorpio! " Peridot yelled.

" Well, excuse YOU, but are YOU fused due to how GAY you are, MISSY? " Garnet yelled back.

Lapis spoke up.

" MS. GARNET, WANNA SEE US FUSE FOR HOW GAY WE ARE? "

" DO IT, M8. I'LL FITE YOU TO SEE HOW GAY YOU REALLY ARE! " Garnet screamed.

And so, Lapis and Peridot fused into Bob, the gay fusion.

Garnet laughed.

" THAT ISN'T GAY ENOUGH! IF YOU WANNA HEAR REAL GAYNESS, IVE BEEN FUSED FOR OVER 10000 YEARS DUE TO THE POWER OF MY INTENSE GAYNESS. "

Jasper, who was playing on a smol GameBoy, stood up and yelled out:

" CAN YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP? IM TRYING TO BEAT POKEMON RED AND BLUE! "

The class went silent. Garnet sent Lapis, Peridot, and Jasper all to detention.

At detention, once again, Jasper was pissed. Lapis and Peridot were making out in the corner. Jasper looked at them in disgust.

" Why are you two always trying to have public make-out sessions? It's weird! " Jasper asked them.

" Well, when you're in love... " Lapis began.

" ...you'll do anything that involves the human mating ritual of getting down and having the other human begin to s- " Peridot said.

" OK JESUS CHRIST I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT MUCH, PERIDOT. " Jasper said, cutting off Peridot.

It was quiet for a while.

" I saw you with that Shrek guy earlier. You should try have sex with him! " Lapis said, breaking the silence.

Jasper nodded. She wanted love like Lapis and Peridot. She didn't want to keep being a big buff lonely cheeto. She wanted to be a big buff happy cheeto in love with a big green ogre machine.

Jasper jumped out the window and ran to Shrek.