Snowfall

3

The next few days were filled with drills as an effort to clean up your operations outcomes for the next mission. You were pretty much in limbo waiting to be assigned to the next case. "Ugh!" You grunted as Steve slammed you into the ground again. You were starting to get frustrated that you couldn't get this move down while sparring. "Seriously?" You whined disappointed with yourself. You were such a competitor that you had to get things right.

"Again" you demanded hopping back onto your feet and wiping the little bit of sweat that gathered on your forehead.

"Alright" Steve reluctantly agreed getting into his stance. He came at you with a fast and hard jab that you dodged easily. In the attempt you made to grab his arm and throw his body weight back at him you had lost your concentration due to his enhanced speed. Before you knew it he had his hand on your chest as he slammed you into the ground again.

"Damnit!" You yelled into the room. Steve chuckled as you flipped him off.

"Your problem is in your breath" Buckys voice wafted in making you jump. It had been just you and Steve for a few hours now.

"Well someone slept in this morning." You teased and he smirked.

"Yeah doesn't come often...can I show you?" Bucky asked rolling up his sleeves. His muscle flexed causing you to sweat more. His metal arm shining in the morning light. The air in the room froze as the moment unfurled. Bucky recoiled his hand immediately. Your heart raced as you stared him in his beautiful eyes. Your faces were close in proximity and it made you nervous. If you weren't already sweating from working out you were now. Something within you began to stir in the depths of your belly. You wanted more.

"Sorry" he apologized quickly turning his eyes to the floor.

"There's no need" you dismissed his comment and took a long sip of your water.

"Well I have a meeting I need to get to you in 10." Steve stated clearly trying to change the subject.

"Alright then I'll go ahead and work on my lesson plan for basic tactical class. See you boys later" you waved casually as you walked as quick as you could without alerting two trained super soldiers of your discomfort.

Flashes of panic and split second decisions filled his mind. The screams. The begging. And his least favorite part, the blood. "Please don't this" the victim pleaded on her knees. Tears streamed down her face. "Please" she whispered right before he pulled the trigger. Bucky sat up panting as he tried to shake the image from his head. The familiar sickness boiling in his stomach. The vomit was close behind but he stuffed it down long enough to get his shirt on and take off down the hallway. His feet took him instinctively to the left side of the building. With no other thoughts besides wanting the pain to stop he knocked on the door. The door was unanswered for a few beats too long for Buckys comfort. He gulped quickly before trying the knob and finding it unlocked.
There looking through the dimly lit room he found you standing on the balcony blowing smoke out of your mouth and a drink in your hand. "I promise I try to let this go but I can't breathe" the music sang as he took the image of you dancing by yourself in the moonlight. The chorus started and you raised your arms above your head as you tilted your face to the sky and sang along. "Don't Leave. I need you". The words hit like a wave washing over Bucky as he watched your expressions change with the music. You were lost in the song and he couldn't help but get lost into you. He turned to leave when you noticed a presence besides yourself was in the room. "Bucky" you gasped.

"Sorry! I uh I didn't mean to startle you." Bucky rambled making you chuckle.

"It's fine. What's going on?" You wondered, turning down the music from blaring to easy listening.

"I couldn't sleep." he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. You smirked and put down your glass and opened up the bottle of whiskey to your right. Pouring a tall glass you softly handed it to him then proceeded back out to the balcony and breathing in the night air. Another puff of your cigarette later and Bucky was by your side.

"I didn't know you smoked" he stated a tone of surprise laced in his words.

"Only when really stressed. It's a bad habit I know" you bowed your head in shame.

"It's alright I've got my vices too" he admitted.

"Yeah like what? Healthy walks in the middle of the night?" You joked clearly understanding his pain. Well some of it.

"Huh yeah" he chuckled,sipping his whiskey and smiling, "thanks" he held up the cup in a gentle salute to you.

"Of course" you replied casually leaning over the rail.
You stood in silence enjoying each other's company instead of facing the night by yourself. "You have a nice voice" Bucky mentioned randomly causing your cheeks to heat to a dangerous level.

"Nah I just really love music" you tried to deny it. You've never been all that confident in your voice even though everyone told you that you sounded good. It was just a fact too hard for you to believe.

"Was it..him?" You wondered softly approaching the subject cautiously. He swallowed hard before nodding his head yes. To be completely honest you were incredibly shocked that he shared even that information with you. Sure you, Steve and Bucky were teammates but you didn't share that much with Bucky that was extra personal. Steve knew everything there was to know about you but Bucky was always harder to get to. But if there was one thing you knew it was that the winter soldier haunted him at night. In Natashas words, you didn't have a lot of red in your ledger. It was something Bucky and Steve were keen on protecting.

"I'll be right back" you excused yourself to quickly use the restroom. You didn't want him to think you were blowing him off. You were running over every look he gave you and every tone in his voice while you washed your hands. It felt so surreal to you that he would be here with you. Did he know how you truly felt? Did you even know how you truly felt? Quickly you dried your hands and rushed out the bathroom door to find the balcony and room empty. "Don't leave" Ellie Goulding sang as your heart dropped. Bucky had left you in the cold. Now you were more than confused.

It had been days of empty hallways and solo workouts. Long nights to yourself and it began to hurt. You were wondering why he just disappeared and if he was even ok. He was in a bad state the last time you saw him. You could see it behind his eyes the shock he was in from whatever he was dreaming about.

Steve sat next to you on your balcony, pretty much your favorite place to be. "I mean what did I do? Did I just ruin this team? Is he that insecure about me?" You listed all your questions without a breath in between. Your mind told you to stop but your mouth wouldn't listen. "Am I crazy Steve?!" You exclaimed about to pull your hair out. Steve gave you the most complicated look you've ever seen come from those blue eyes.

"Bucky he-he's trying his best" was all he said before he left the room. You sighed deeply before groaning out loud and proceeding to pour yourself a drink.