The Lout's Pet Squirrel (og alcale)

Part 4

In retrospect, Alver realized he was having a rather major breakdown.

He'd lost control of his composure. His sensibilities. Even his pride.

Lying in bed at the Henituse estate next to the sleeping figure of Cale Henituse left him with a numb feeling of realization.

Every step of the way he thought he was acting logically when in reality all he was doing was acting on instinct.

His earlier jealousy as an example.

Logically, Alver was well aware that every family was different and there were things that he couldn't know about hte Henituse family through the single glimpse he'd peered thus far. Cale could have any number of reasons to resent or fight his father that Alver didn't know about. Beside that, if he recalled correctly, Cale was five years his junior and perhaps it was just an act of immaturity on Cale's part.

It was embarrassing that he'd lost his cool at someone so much younger than him.

He'd just lost his composure when he heard the affection in the Count's voice. So soon after losing his own father.

Alver never realized how badly he'd always wanted to hear his own father speak to him with affection but now he was painfully aware of it.

The cold apathy that Zedd used to talk to him, whenever he deigned his eldest son worthy of talking to at all, was a thorn in his heart that pricked so painfully.

But he'd really lost it when Cale rebuffed that affection.

Throwing away so easily the things that Alver wanted so desperately.

It was agony.

But it was also illogical.

Alver prided himself in his ability to act logically and yet he'd completely lost his control and behaved based off of juvenile emotions.

Even now, he struggled to forgive Cale. A nonsensical grudge based solely in Alver's limited understanding of the Henituse family structure but he couldn't help but hate it.

Hate a person who lashed out against everything that Alver had always wanted. Even ignoring the Count, a man that Alver had always known to be shrewd but fair, he had siblings and a mother and a warm dinner.

When he contrasted that with his own experiences in the abandoned palace, ignored and neglected by his father, hated by his siblings and the queen, it was too much to swallow.

Yet, despite the complicated emotions fighting for supremacy inside of him, Alver also couldn't help but notice everything strange about it.

Cale's calm heartbeat as he wrecked chaos. The heartbroken expression on his face. His gentle behavior with a squirrel that viciously attacked him for seemingly no reason.

There was more to the story but the bitter part of Alver's heart didn't want to hear it.

He hugged his tail to his chest and rolled over to look at Cale's sleeping face.

He should leave.

It was a good opportunity. Cale was sound asleep. He was well rested and well fed. He should find his aunt and regroup.

Alver clutched his tail and closed his eyes, the wretched feeling overtaking him.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see his aunt Tasha.

He was still worried sick about her and all the others who'd been forced to flee the palace. He was scared that his mistakes and ambitions would have stolen their lives and safety as well as his dreams.

He missed the comfort his aunt offered. Her unquestioning loyalty and the firm kindness that he had depended upon ever since he lost his mother.

Tasha was important to him.

But that made it all the scarier to see her.

Alver had never been a coward before. No matter what conflict arose before him, he always faced it with integrity and determination. And quite a bit of guile. He could have a smiling dinner with a person he knew was trying to kill him and end the dinner with a new ally at his side.

Alver wasn't a cowardly person and so he didn't know what to do about the pervasive fear cloying inside of him.

He didn't want to face someone so important to him right after his failures had nearly gotten her killed.

He didn't know how to look at her and accept that it was all over.

Alver clutched his tail closer and closed his eyes, he let out a ragged breath as he attempted to gather his wits.

He would send a message to his aunt. Just a signal so that she would know that he was alive and well. And then...

Alver's guts twisted further.

...then what...?

Alver observed Cale's sleeping face, finding solace there.

He would regroup.

He still needed to repay Cale Henituse for saving him. He would spend some time in hiding as a squirrel while figuring out his next course of action. Logically speaking, it was the safest he could be. The Henituse family stayed far away from the battle for succession and the territory was far enough away from the capital that there wasn't a person who was likely to connect a random pet squirrel to the missing prince.

He would be protected, fed, and hidden while he concocted his...

Alver sank miserably into the cushions.

...his what...?

Plan? Plan to do what? The throne was outside of his grasp forever. Everything was over.

It was all for nothing.

For all of Alver's prideful attempts to pretend he was choosing to stay tactically, he couldn't ignore the voice in his heart that told the wretched truth.

He was scared.

He was lost.

He wanted to give up.

Cale frowned in his sleep and grumbled something unintelligible. Alver watched as his brows knitted together with discomfort and he let out a sigh.

He crawled over closer to the sleeping lout and curled up next to him for comfort. If Alver had learned anything in the past day, it was that his fluffy tail was quite comforting in times of distress. The fur tickled Cale's cheek and probably did little to chase away dark dreams, but the young master leaned into Alver's warmth.

What would I say to him if I were a person right now?

Alver's lids grew heavy as Cale's even breathing started to lull him into a gentle slumber.

Be kind to your father? You don't know when you might lose him? Appreciate what you have? How dare you throw away what I wanted?

Despite his wretched emotions, all of the words tasted bitter on his tongue. None of them sounded right.

Why did you help me?

That question bothered him too. It wasn't quite what he wanted to say.

Who are you behind the mask?

Alver closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep.

He wanted to understand Cale.

He just couldn't understand why he wanted to.