Embers of Discord

Chapter Thirteen

Ahava -

It is said that there are five stages of grief a person passes through after the death of a loved one- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Over the course of the past three weeks, I have found myself navigating through a complex and ever-changing landscape of emotions.

At first, I was in a state of denial, unable to accept the reality of the situation. But as time passed, anger took hold of me. I directed my anger not only towards the circumstances but also towards myself. I was furious with the realization that throughout those three years, I had never once considered the possibility that something terrible might have happened to Ishaani. I had been consumed by the belief that she had forgotten me, oblivious to the potential pain she may have been enduring.

Before Ruhani, I and Ishaani were inseparable. Despite the five-year age gap between us, she became my constant companion. When I moved away from our ancestral house to Birsay, she gave me her cherished bracelet, a symbol of our connection, and made a promise to remain in touch. I find solace in tracing the bracelet with my fingertip, a daily ritual that brings me a sense of closeness to her.

 I loved her deeply and  and the reality of her absence is incredibly difficult to comprehend and accept. I think acceptance is the hardest stage of grief. It takes a lot to come to terms with reality.  I , sometimes, wonder how Ruhani accepted the death of her parents.

It is evident that she has been deeply worried about me in the present moment. I never shared any details with her following that day, and she discovered the truth from Remus when he returned the letter. It appears that all four of the boys are aware of what transpired. The specific words I uttered on that day remain hazy in my memory, and truthfully, I have no desire to recall them. The fact that they are now privy to everything holds little significance to me. Their knowledge does not change the pain or the circumstances that led me to this point.

Surprisingly, Potter tried to apologize to me. But I brushed him off. I don't need his pity of all the things.

As I sense someone's gaze upon me, I instinctively turn around, only to meet the intense gaze of Sirius Black. His piercing grey eyes lock onto mine, and for a moment, I feel like there's guilt and shame on those eyes.

I swiftly avert my gaze and redirect my attention back to the classroom.

Professor Slugghorn is explaining how to blend Draught of Peace perfectly. We prepared it last class but he is putting extra emphasis on this particular potion. Must be important for O.W.L which is in two weeks. At first, it seemed like a nightmare but now I'm glad for the distraction. It helps me in being on track rather than wallowing in a sea of self-pity .

"How much time is left? I just want this class to be finished."- Beside me, Mary McDonald yawns.

"Not much , I guess"- I state.

"What's he talking about anyway??"

"Draught of Peace. Did you pay attention to a single line, Mary?"

"Nope. I was busy thinking"- she yawns again.

"Thinking about what exactly?"

"A joke...wanna hear?"

Mary launches into her joke without waiting for my response-

"What did one toilet say to the other one?"

"What?"- I know it's gonna be a lame one.

"You look flushed today"- Mary starts laughing like she's said the funniest thing on earth.

Despite the predictably corny nature of her humor, I can't help but join in her laughter. Mary's repertoire of jokes may not be the pinnacle of comedy, yet the simple act of sharing them manages to lighten my mood. Over time, she has regaled me with at least fifteen of these jokes, and each time, it brings a momentary respite from the mundane.

Geez,  I should really get some therapy sessions from her.

On that fateful day, when I came crying in the castle, Mary found me in the astronomy tower. She hold me for hours when I was sobbing and shaking. Since then, we have become quite close. 

I have got no idea what she was doing there but surely I'm not the only person who takes a tour there.  

Mary's warm and effervescent personality is a breath of fresh air, making it effortless to connect with her. Despite the troubling encounter with Mulciber, she does not succumb to the temptation of generalization, recognizing that not all individuals within a particular group are inherently wicked or corrupted. Her ability to see beyond stereotypes and judge individuals on their own merits is a testament to her fairness and compassion. It is a quality that I deeply admire.