A Damaged Person's Life

Friends

When the day starts to end, it's a different feeling, and not necessarily a good one. Yeah, school sucks but when you're with friends, it's a feeling of not having to be someone else. You get to be yourself and not have to hide. You get to laugh without being insecure about your laugh. You can smile without worrying about your goofy laugh or just walk around not being worried about sucking in your stomach. You don't think about school or your shitty life at home. You are happy for that split second of time (at least that's how it feels). You never think about having to go home. Until... you get home. Then, when you get home and you go straight to your room is when you think about how happy you were and how unhappy you are now. You get yelled at for always being with friends and because you're always tired. They yell "Your room isn't clean" or "Clean your room", but they don't know how happy they make you, how happy you feel, but when you are home, you think. And having too much time to think about all your imperfections hurts. It hurts you, and it hurts others. They say you're going down the bad path again. You get defensive and hurt, so you yell back "NO IM NOT, IM PERFECTLY FINE!". Are you? Are you really? You look into your mind all the thought, and you actually question yourself "Am I ok?" Yes, no, maybe? Who knows it's too crazy in your mind. Being crazy in your mind is hard to tell. One second, you're fine, and the next minute you're breaking down in tears, people might say it's because you are going through change or you just have hormones. It's not that. Battling emotions when you are depressed is hard because you don't know what you are feeling. There are signs of depression and / or anxiety, but you never know until you experience something bad or traumatic. Your friends are your defense, and they protect you with everything you do. They will love you until your last breath, and even then, they will still love you. They ask if you're ok when you are shaking your leg too much or even if you're just tired. You love them for how much they care when others don't. You will love them until the end of time because that's just how it is. That's just how they make you feel.