Finding Her Again

1 - We are Hollywood

natalie

They're about to call my name. 

I think.

If they do, and I win, I'll have to go in front of 11 million people currently tuned in to the Emmy Awards. Everyone is going to be paying attention to just me. I suppose that's what happens when you win an Emmy.i love writing and I love acting but I hate live television.

I genuinely believe it's every awkward person's worst nightmare.

"And the Emmy Award for Outstanding lead actress in a Drama Series goes to," Kash Miller held up the Emmy statue, "Miss Natalie Matthews in-"

There it is.

I am not surprised I won. I was the fan favorite this year. That makes me sound conceited. I just know I did a good job in my most recent movie.

Layla won last year. She's very popular. She and Riley are dating. They met on the set of Spiderman. My most recent friends are mega famous. I'm not complaining. They're all rather lovely. I just really miss the OG's.

Layla, Riley, Sofia, Jakob, and Jax are my Hollywood crew.

Sofia is so hot. We made out last year at the MET.

I probably shouldn't be thinking about that as I'm going up to accept such an amazing award.

As I moved down the dimply lit pathway towards the stage, I picked up the edge of my blue dress as I began to move. Cassie, who came with me, wrapped me in a hug. Layla pat my back as I walked past her.

Being respectful and polite and also unsure what to do, I shook Kash's hand as he smiled and held out the surprisingly heavy statue.

"Wow, this is such an honor." It really was. I looked at the award, "When I was younger, I never knew this is where I would be. Even growing up, I never wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be a writer. And in some way, I accomplished that. Hell, I'm playing the main character in a movie based on my book." I scanned the crowd as they all laughed, "On a real note, I have to thank my co-stars," I looked over to where Layla was sitting with Riley, "Thank you Layla, you have been such a big help, an amazing friend, and a wonderful role model. I hope to be every bit the actress you are. Ms Angelina Jolie, my first girl crush. I have to thank my family. Especially my dad, who held me up and pushed me to be myself after my mothers death." I looked at the camera like I was instructed to do, "If you haven't yet, please go read or watch By My Side. It's what got me here today. Thank you all so so so much."

Shaking, I walked off the stage and practically ran to sit back down next to one of my best friends.

This is my fifth time visiting La since I moved out to New York. NYC is my home but La is amazing. I love award shows. And Cassie never turns down the opportunity to be surrounded by famous people.

"I don't know how you can keep your cool when Taylor Swift is sitting right there." She whispered in my ear, looking in the opposite direction.

I smiled at her and rolled my eyes, "I almost peed my pants when she came out of the bathroom as I was going in."

Directly after the ceremony, Jessica Alba found me in the crowd as everyone was being dismissed and chatting with all the other stars in the room. We've been close ever since I spilled wine on her at this after party for a movie I helped write.

"I am so beyond proud of you Natalie." She wrapped me in a hug, "So proud."

"Thank you Jess," I pulled away, "It means a lot coming from you.

She squeezed my hand, "You are brilliant. And you've got something that everyone loves to see." She smiled widely at me, "I'm impressed."

"I'm gonna pee my pants if you keep complimenting me."