Shells

Chapter 7

I walked to the park, trying to stay in the light of the streetlamps. I saw the abandoned playground and sat on one of the swings. The night breeze played with my hair and I felt a tear run down my face. How could life get that messed up so quickly? Just the past year, I wouldn't have even thought about doing drugs, and suddenly we were trying cocaine? It was just ridiculous. I watched Shane walk up to the park and notice me.

"Hi." I said, wishing I could think of something more interesting to say.

"Hi," He said, "Are you okay?"

"Not really. I just need to walk around and clear my head." 

"Okay, I know a nice place." He replied. 

We walked out of the house and I locked the door behind me. The streets were dark and empty, everyone was inside their houses eating dinner with their families. My only family was probably on a pole right now, showing her body to buy us food. Shane had a harder life than I did, so I guess that is why he was free and I felt lucky to have someone to talk to about the problems I had.

"So where are we going?" I asked, looking around at the neighborhood we were in.

"The beach," Shane replied, "It is the place I go to think or calm down. It is really peaceful."

"Huh, I don't think I've ever been to the beach." Samantha always said that it was for people who were skinny enough to wear bikinis. "Will anybody still be there? It is getting pretty late."

"Probably not. That is what makes it so nice." He said, sounding wistful.

I calmed down a little. Other people seeing me meant that they might notice my weight, and I didn't want it to be pointed out to Shane. He hasn't said anything but I knew that he noticed it. He had to. If it was so obvious to Samantha, I must be obvious to other people.

"Do you want to walk along the water?" He asked, looking out to the black, calm water.

"Sure." I replied, trying to see where the water ended and the sky began.

"Take off your shoes. We can walk right at the edge of the water." 

"... Okay." I took off my sandals, feeling really glad that I had painted my toes the night before. 

"So what is going on?" Shane said, "You seem kind of spaced out."

"Stuff has just gotten kind of intense." I answered, wondering if I should tell him about the cocaine or the bulimia.

"Stuff does that sometimes." He looked over at me, "Do you want to be specific?"

"Well, Samantha recently brought me to this party and we tried some crack." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Seriously? That is kind of intense. Who's party was it?" 

"Some guy she met, named Tyler."

Shane got a look on his face. It was a mixture of fear and anger. "Don't ever go near that guy, he is really dangerous."

"What? Do you know him?" I asked.

"Yeah, he goes to the same highschool as me." He murmured, "He is kind of notorious for date-raping girls. You should really stay away from him."

I looked at Shane in shock, Tyler seemed creepy but not date-rape creepy. 

"Wow, do you know a girl named Janaya?" I thought back to the girl I met at his party.

"Yeah, she is sort of his girlfriend. They have been going out for a couple of years." Shane reminisced. 

"Weird, she is going to my school." 

"Huh..." Shane mumbled.

We walked in silence for about ten minutes. The waves ran up to meet my toes and embraced my feet, before retreating back into the lake. Wind ran through my hair and the sand fractured beneath my feet.

"So how are things going with your famiy?" I questioned Shane, grasping for a little bit of conversation.

"Okay I guess, nothing really new. My aunt is starting to get weirdly excited about me going to school, she keeps trying to get me new clothes and pencils and stuff."

"Maybe she just always wanted kids." I thought, my mom never bought me anything for the start of school.

"Maybe. But she already has a kid."

"Seriously? Then I have no idea." 

We kept walking, occasionally making small talk and looking out onto the lake. After a moment, I felt Shane's hand brush against mine, before I grasped it. We walked for a long time like that, just holding hands and watching the water.

"So anything weird going on with you?" Shane asked, looking at me.

"I guess. I think that Samantha cuts herself. Plus she can be really mean to me sometimes." I replied, sorting through each memory of Samantha telling me that I'm fat and pathetic.

"Why do you think she does that?" Shane looked at me. 

I looked down at my feet, which were covered in wet sand, "I really don't know, she is perfect. I don't know why she wants to be mean when she is powerful enough to be mean and still be loved."

"I think I have an idea," Shane looked at me and stopped walking, he bent over and picked up a shell from the sand, "People are like shells."

"What do you mean?" I chuckled.

"People are like shells. All other people see is the hard, perfect exterieur that people show them. All of the bad stuff that everyone is going through is beneath the shell. Someone can seem perfect, or happy, or innocent, but they can really be depressed or cutting themselves. There are some people in this world who have other people who see past their shells, who really know them. But mostly, people hide who they really are because everyone likes the shells better." Shane threw the shell out onto the water.

"That actually makes a lot of sense." I said, re-thinking all of the stuff that Shane had just said.

"So what is under your shell?" Shane looke at me and stepped forward until we were inches apart.

"... I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet, but I might be willing to try." I looked at Shane's perfect lips and smiled. 

Suddenly, we were kissing. His hands reached up and rested on the back of my neck, his tongue poked inside of my mouth and explored it. We kissed more passionately until I was out of breath. I wanted more of Shane, I wanted all of him.