Phantom – Of Monsters and Men
And all those times that I could swear I heard you speak
You spoke in such a low voice
Of how if you could choose, you would choose not to feel
'Cause you are hardly ever happy
Sometimes I find myself standing in those stairs
With eyes so blank and unsure
Realizing this is not where I want to be
And not where I want to go
And I don't mean to somehow, always to disagree
But I feel that you do not see
In order to love, you have to be all you can be
And mostly, you have to love yourself
Oh, with all this time wasted and all this time gone
You are still waitin' on me
Oh, but if I could choose, I would choose not to feel
'Cause I am hardly ever happy
I am hardly ever happy, hmm-mm
Hmm-mm
I am hardly ever happy
Dovey's POV:
I lean back in my chair, rubbing my aching forehead and stare helplessly at the mountain of paperwork still on my desk to do. The sun has long since left the sky, the brilliant scarlet glow fading to a deep navy blue blanketed in a smattering of stars. My thoughts drift inevitably to my Evil counterpart as I wonder: is she staring at the same stars as I? Does she gaze with those strange purple eyes in wonder at the heavens above?
Although she'd never admit it, Lesso's passion for knowledge illuminates her soul. I could sit for hours listening to her pour out her knowledge of the universe and never get bored, content to watch her wine-flushed cheeks smile in that soft way of hers while her eyes dance mischievously at every witty remark. I miss those long lazy evenings we'd spend talking and laughing, drinking wine, grading papers, or sometimes just basking in the other's company. And the first time we kissed... in that kiss was passion, like a million thoughts condensed into one moment. One moment of bliss. One moment of peace. One moment of love. Oh, it was so wrong but it felt so, so right. And yet... I didn't do anything with it, convinced that Evers and Nevers couldn't be together, let alone two women. I pushed her away, ignoring the feelings that bubbled up inside. After that Lesso seemed to tiptoe around me, never sure where she stood in our complicated relationship. She moved tentatively, almost as if seeking permission to push any further. She didn't show this, of course. If anything, she became colder and more detached than ever. But I knew. I knew the pain I left in her heart after drawing her in too many times. Those purple eyes. Those damn violet orbs that gave her away. Every single time. All this time wasted and all this time gone. You are still waiting on me.
A soft knock breaks me from my thoughts and I lift my head wearily - I have no patience to deal with another whiny student.
"Come in," I all but groan. I nearly fall off my chair in shock when a familiar head of red curls pokes around the corner.
"You busy?"
"Ah no. No! Not at all!" My mind is spinning as Lady Lesso sinks down in a chair opposite, relying more on her cane than usual. Her eyes are vacant and unsure, and she holds herself with the kind of awkwardness one would associate with a teenager or even a child, so unlike the figure of dominance and grace I'm familiar with. She fiddles with the head of her cane nervously and her violet eyes stare emptily through the window behind me. I suppress the urge to find out what is bothering her as that will only scare her off. Instead, I settle for drawing the visit out.
"Tea? I was just about to make some," I smile. Lesso nods absently. Still trying to discern the mood, I set about preparing it all on a tray. I hear a soft murmur – so soft that I don't know if I actually heard it and when I glance up at the other woman, she's looking at me with her mouth open as if she wants to say something. As soon as she catches me watching, she drops her head and I smile gently. I take the tea tray over to the low table in front of the fireplace and motion her over.
