Anshi :Book Two, Part One- Brotherhood and Bloodlines

Amends

The emerald sphere was calling him and as soon as the bath was finished, Anshi reached for the box he had left it in when he began drinking. He was shocked at the depth he had fallen in so little time. His susceptibility to submit to despair had cost him a lot. He had even forgotten his brothers and his quest to find them. All he had done was recall devastated gray eyes and that look, in the final second before Han had closed the door between them when Anshi had left their precious sanctuary. That single second had plunged him into a darkness he had only felt once in his life, as he was thrown over a horse and taken away after the slaughter of his family. And this time, the only way he had found to slake that feeling was the passage he fashioned out of killing anger. The problem was not his voice, it was his inability to control his despair and fury. The voice and his sword were only tools; tools that were being held by a terrified and enraged child deep within. He needed help, and running from those willing to give it was not the answer. He faced Lan Ge Ban after his hair had been combed and detangled.

"I wish to meditate."

Ge Ban sized him up. He stood patiently as he was assessed, knowing that his General was not going to cut him any slack this time. Nor did he deserve it. His actions had been costly, and he had given up any choice in this matter. He would not be allowed privacy if one whiff of insincerity was detected. And he also knew that trust, when lost, was hard to win back.

He passed. Ge Ban recognized surrender when he saw it and decided to place his money on Anshi. Would he make mistakes again? Certainly. But his remorse was clear, and that deserved another chance.

He nodded. "You have several hours before Sya Mu wakes up. She will now be pissed, not only at you, but me for drugging her last night. We are both going to be in the doghouse, I am afraid!"

Left alone, Anshi removed the gem, and it began to warm to his touch. At first, it only brought the moments when the last song ripped his throat andt he huddled figure of his beautiful Han on the parapet. The pain of it licked away at him, and it took a while to soften it into something he was now able to tolerate.

It was, after all, now a part of the history he and this stone were now building together. Denial was impossible. Learning to begin acceptance would now be paramount. Not being able to accept could mean destruction to himself and others. As he held the spare in a death grip he felt a familiar vibration from his sapphire ring.

"My Emerald? Are you alright?"

"I... I am...not."

"Your song broke through. I wept along with you both. I am sorry for your loss."

"I lost my self for a while. Which may have caused irreparable damage."

"Yet you recognize that? Is that not good?"

I am a Chieftain, but I lack so much."

"Brother, do you actually believe our father did not go through similar? Imagine the feelings he went through that night. He must have despaired as he watched our brothers dying to protect him. He must have died with a huge sense of agony, as he feared for you and me and our other brothers. Yet, if he had lived and prevailed, he would have had to overcome loss and blame to survive and thrive again. Can you do any less?"

"No."

"You live. You have a broken heart, but you live. You will complete your destiny, no matter what comes your way. I will stay with you awhile. I will guide you through a few of the meditations I am learning. Then I will leave it in your hands."

"Thank you, my Sapphire."

"Begin to make amends, my Brother. You have taken steps backward but they can be regained."

**********

Lan Sya Mu marched firmly to Anshi's yurt, steeling herself for the worst. The worst could come in several forms. Anshi could still be on his downward skid into self-destruction. He did not do well with loss, of any kind. In a lifetime of loss, he was helpless to handle it, and Han was a devastating one. To hand over his heart for the first time, even understanding it may not be forever, had taken courage, and his reserves were empty. She knew that particular emotional enemy well, and it was a hard one to battle. He had been a mess for weeks, and every attempt to deal with it had been rebuffed. Sympathy, understanding, and loyalty were all tossed aside; so she did what was needed and pulled out a full-frontal engagement. Risk it all or don't return home had always been her motto. This time, she knew she had.

Another option would be dismissal. A strong and correct move on his part. She had broken so many rules and deserved nothing less than court marshal and life in the stockade. Or death.So, she dressed for the worst. Clean, hair pinned perfectly in place. Her parade uniform. Leather armor freshly oiled with sandalwood. Chain-mail glowing. She had her sword in its scabbard and her cultivation tool at her shoulder. The spear, Yindao Guang, was always delicately lit, the intricate filigree encasing the spear's shaft was deep rose gold and was woven with hidden compass points. It contained talismans to access winds and elevations. It had guided Lan Zhan and the squad chosen to evacuate the comatose Lan XiChen from the carnage that had claimed his wife and left Meng Shi in a pile of ash. Had it really been five years ago? How would she be able to part with this companion since childhood? She'd rather lose an arm. She had herself announced and waited for a few moments before being allowed entrance. make matters worse, she read worry and concern in the eyes of her fellow Guardians. However, she stood, eyes front, before Ge Ban held the front flap open for her.

What she saw astonished her. Anshi stood before her, equally polished. His auburn hair was shining, pulled back into a topknot, and held into place with his silver ornament. He was clean-shaven, and he wore a simple vest in pale blue, that reached his knee, and it was placed over a plain cotton white shirt. Lan, but not Chieftain. He held himself straight. He looked chastened, but he did not look broken any longer.

"You said you wanted to see a leader when we met again. I do not feel I have the right to appear as one yet. I have made too many mistakes since we left ...Qian. I will need to prove myself again, and I beg your patience as I do that." He knelt before her and waited.

Sya Looked at get Ban in astonishment. Then she stared down at her Chieftain. All she could answer was a choked, "Yes." Her arms felt suddenly weak, and she dropped her spear and sword, tears coursing down her face. Anshi looked up startled as she turned and ran from the tent. He was confused and concerned as he rose and faced Ge Ban.

"What ... I don't understand? Did I do something wrong? Ge Ban, was she crying?"

"I...I...think she was."

The two men started after her in utter disbelief.