My Only (Boyxboy) [OVERHAUL; ON HOLD]

The Poem

(A/N: I actually like this name. Simple, yet elegant.)

Justin's POV:

I'm really confused right now. I must be going through a teenage crisis; that can be the only reason.

I just don't want to believe I looked at Jake like that today, despite him being my best friend. Even if it was just for a second... I SWEAR though, even IF I had doubts that I was straight or not, I'll admit that Jake looked good. VERY good. The way his mocoa-colored bangs tickled his forehead, the slight muscle tone that rippled beneath the skin on his arms and legs, the adorable face he made when he rolled his precious blue eyes-

*HELL no! He was my friend, and that's as far as it was going to go. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm straight, and I have a girlfriend, Victoria, who I loved more than life itself. Well, at least I think I do...*

I try to brush the thought of betraying Tori's trust in me aside, and my focus returned to my walking. The silent march back home from the school courtyard was arbitrary amongst my thoughts...

(Flashback)

"Dude, what the hell does that even mean?"

I leaned back, propping myself up against the base of the tree, closing my eyes and rubbing my temples in tired frustration.

"C'mon," pleaded Jake, "I told you, the ashes represent the corruption and the 'bad' aspects of society swallowing up the pure and 'good' things."

He rolled his eyes again, and glanced at me briefly before returning to reanalyze the passage in the book.

I honestly have been trying to understand symbolism and all of that English bullshit ever since I was in first grade, but it just makes no sense to me. Why in the hell would you use ASHES to mean something bad instead of saying, oh, I don't know, "society is bad and corrupt." Straightforward and simple, just how I like it.

I narrowed my eyes at Jake, and shook my head, rolling my eyes up to the sky, mimicking him perfectly. He looked at me with obvious exhaustion, the sheen of his irises fading under the waning sunlight.

"One of these days, I'm seriously gonna' stop trying to help you with this stuff," he stated with a disappointed tone.

I clenched my jaw slightly, stabilizing myself with my hands on the ground, ready to stand. I moused over the idea of me lashing back at him with some playful sarcasm, but something told me to lay off. Seeing the now-evident stress on his face, I eased back down to my previous position, and closed my eyes once again, using the tree for support.

*You know, he still looks pretty cute for someone who's upset.*

Surprisingly, I relaxed when I thought of Jake's face again. HIS face. My eyes caressed his soft, crimson cheeks, examining his small, structured nose and rounded jawline, brushing over his sweet lips, and observing his brown bangs laying upon his forehead, a sea of chocolate brown cloth meeting the fringes of his eyebrows.

With a smile shimmering on my face, I bit the inside of my lip softly, trying to prevent a small, hungry moan from escaping as I stared at the masterpiece-

*Fuck! Just... fuck!*

I mentally cut myself off, covering my mouth in disbelief.

*I can't believe I was just doing that! What was I doing? Why did I just eye-rape my best friend?!*

I think the most unsettling part of my "visual rape" was that I experienced more shock than shame, if any at all, at admiring Jake, rather than Tori.

*Wait, so, if I actually didn't MIND looking at him like that-*

"Hey? Justin, are you alright?"

I snapped back to reality to see Jake waving his hand in my face, wearing a slightly concerned look with his scrunched up eyebrows and pursed lips. I felt the flood of crimson rush onto my face, and I looked away, embarrassed at the thought of him knowing what I was thinking.