Finding Home

Girls Day Out

"I'm sorry if I scared you for a minute there. But please don't feel like that here. You don't have to be scared of being kicked to the curb under this roof. This is your home for as long as you want it to be."
       I felt my eyes fill with tears as I tightened my grip around Addison. For the first time in so long, I felt something that I was sure I never would again. I felt wanted. I took a deep breath and smiled as I slowly pulled out of the hug.
"Okay..." she chuckled. "Where should we go first."
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        "Wow you look beautiful!" Addison said in awe as I stood in front of the mirror. After not knowing where to go first, Addison had settled on the mall, hoping that we could choose a place from there. Now here I am standing in the middle of a JCPenney's trying on different outfits for her, and while I have loved some of them, I also don't want her spending money on me... that's not something I want hanging over my head.
       She was right though, this has to be my favorite of the ones that I have tried on. I looked myself over in the mirror, looking at every little detail in the image before me. I had slipped into white jeggings, which are much more comfortable than I expected them to be, and paired it with a soft blue frilly top. Even though it's not my go to shorts and tshirt, I still feel like me.
       I watched through the mirror as Addison, with a smile on her face, threw her hand up in the air."Okay we're getting it. Go ahead and go change back and bring back your favorites!"
       "No it's okay! You don't have to do that! I'll be fine with what I have. But I'll be quick." I stepped off of the little pedestal in front of the mirror, and hurried back to the dressing room.
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       When I walked back out of the dressing room, Addison was sitting on the couch, a concerned look on her face. When she saw me, a small smile spread across her face.
"Are you okay?"
       "Can you come sit down for a second?" She asked, lightly patting the seat beside her. I felt my heart start to race as I made my way over to her.        "Can I ask what your other families were like? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I just want to know what I can do to help you. I know it can't be easy going from one family to another."
       I felt my breath catch in my throat. However, when I looked in her eyes, I knew that she genuinely just wanted to help me. I took a deep breath and looked down at the couch as I started to recount my life.
       "When I was 4, only three days away from being 5, my mom dropped me off on the side of the road. I was probably out there for two hours before a car came by. I had been crying, so they took me to the hospital to get checked out before sending me to the girls home. At that time though, Mrs. Porter was just opening, and I was her first one there. She welcomed me right in, with a big hug and I remember feeling safe for the first time in so long." I paused, seeing the tears brimming in Addison's eyes.
       "You were so young... you must have been terrified."
       "I was but Mrs. Porter helped me to understand what was going on and helped me not to feel scared. Three weeks later, I was packing my stuff to go and live with the Michelson's. They were this super sweet couple who had just gotten married but they couldn't have kids. After living with them for two months, They sent me back to Mrs. Porter's, saying that I was sweet but that they wanted an infant."    
       Addison shook her head in disbelief. I watched as an employee walked over and handed what looked like a key to her. She stood up, thanking the employee and then turned to me. "Why don't we go find somewhere to eat so we can keep talking." I nodded my head, grateful for the small pause.
       Although I found myself wanting to tell her this part of my life, it was also a part that I'd never told anyone. If I did, I would give the most basic part of the story, leaving out the details. As we made our way out of the store, Addison turned to me. "What would you like to eat?" I shrugged my shoulders as she led me towards the food court.
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       After ordering some food, we found an empty table nearby and took a seat, waiting for a number to be called. "So what happened after you went back to the girls home?" She asked, with a smile on her face.
      " When I got back, there were several more girls that were there. Mrs. Porter had saved my old bunk, she normally won't give them away unless you've been formally adopted, I guess as a way to keep some normalcy in our lives. After being there for 8 months, I had already seen a few girls get adopted into a family and new girls take their spot. That's when the Hayes family took me home. They were this filthy rich couple who took me in basically to see if they wanted more kids. Within a month of being there, I was on my way back to girls home, their excuse being that they didn't have the money to keep another child. A few months later, this sweet couple, the
Barrows, took me home and I loved it there. I lived with them for about 7 months. One night they sat me down, and I was so excited, I thought they were going to say that they were adopting me. By the end of the week I was back at Mrs. Porter's." I paused as I heard our number called. Addison touched my hand before standing and walking over to the counter.
       We ate in silence for a little while, as I got up the nerve to talk about the next part. I sat back in my chair and tried to continue, my hands shaking.
      "I was heartbroken after the Barrows took me back, and I ended up staying at the girls home for a year. So many girls came and went. A few months after turning 7, I was taken in by the Johnson's. They seemed nice enough but they had an older son and...and..." Tears start forming in my eyes as my hands started to shake. Addison moved to the seat next to mine, a worried look spread across her face. She pulled me in a tight embrace, as tears started to pour.
     "Hey! Hey! You're okay! Breathe sweetheart, breathe!" Tears continued to fall down my face as we sat there in the food court, thankfully it was an empty mall, housing only a few stores and food places. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. When they finally did, I sat back, pulling myself out of Addison's arms. When she met my eyes, her sad smile returned, now paired with a concerning gaze. "You don't have to continue honey!"
     I shook my head, wanting to finish but not wanting to go into detail. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start crying so much. I know we are out in public." I forced a chuckle as I gestured around me.
      She grabbed my hand, "You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm the one that asked you to talk about it in the first place. Even though it wasn't my right to ask you such a question."
       I looked down at her hands, gently holding mine. "You know, it's kind of funny actually. I've never been able to tell that story to anyone. I always chicken out and give a short answer, normally leaving out the details. But when you asked me, at first I kind of panicked. But then I was fine. I didn't mind telling you what happened. Honestly though, I don't know if I will ever be ready to talk about what happened at the Johnson's or at the Sampson's after them." I took a deep breath, trying to control any more tears that tried to come. "The William's picked me up when I was 8 and they were a lot like the Barrows. It seemed perfect. But it didn't last and before I knew it I was at the Dylan's. By then I was so tired of going in and out of homes that when the Dylan's turned out to be like the Johnson's and Samson's, I packed my bag, climbed out my window, and ran. When the police found me, they returned me to the girls home where I stayed for almost 8 years until you and Carter came." I was still studying her hands as I came to another stop, finishing my story. I looked up at her face and was surprised to see tears running down her cheeks.
       She looked down at our hands, with a sad smile, tears silently pouring. " I wish we would have found you sooner."