My First Love 🦋

What is love ?

I don't know what love is but I'm ready to experience it. I've grown up watching lovely couples in school and now even in college. But I've been always scared to fall in love because people lose themselves when in love.  I'm an ambitious person and I want be independent emotionally and financially.

Another biggest fear is to be cheated on or to be abandoned by the one I love. What if he leaves me for someone else? What if his parents get him married?
What if just wants to use me to fulfill his physical needs? I'm a virgin and I don't want to lose it for someone who doesn't love me. But what if he loves me now and loses his feelings later?

I'm not sure of the answers these questions have. I agree I'm an overthinker and sometimes I'm negative too but I just don't wanna hurt myself later. I've never experienced love or even heartbreak. How would I deal with a breakup if I get emotionally attached to him.

Life is unpredictable and we don't know what's coming up. Should I fall in love and enjoy the present moments or think about the future? I'm so confused about everything. It feels like I'm stuck and I don't see a way out.

I'm an old school girl who may be clingy or vulnerable but this is what I'm and I can't change it. No matter how much I try I can't fit in this world. They're practical, emotionless and don't get attached so easily. I'm not that cool just a traditional girl who wants a Prince. I've waited for my Prince since childhood grown up watching Disney movies.

I just want a love story where I'm the princess waiting for her Prince. I imagine the world to be beautiful and happy but the reality isn't the same. People are scared of commitments and want casual relationships and sometimes even hookups. I'm not blaming them as it's their perspective and their own personal choice but it's something i can't relate to.

Can love happen twice? I don't know the answer. I've imagined love to be a sacred bond where there is purity, loyalty and dedication. Why do people cheat on their partners? Could a person fall in love with another person while being in a relationship? I've so many other unanswered questions and I hate to find the answers.

I'm 19 and this is gonna be my first love
To be honest I got a Lotta proposals but I could never get into a relationship. I was clueless of what love feels like and how to trust a guy. I'm an introvert and I've never gone out for a date till now. I couldn't even flirt with a guy or even let them touch me. It may sound a bit weird and orthodox but that's not the case. I just couldn't feel the butterflies in my stomach or trust a guy enough to let him hold my hand. I just wanted a sense of comfort and security from a man which I couldn't get. I've rejected quite a lot of guys but then he came into my life like a lightning bold without any warning or time to be prepared.

He came into my life without my permission but somehow became the most important part of my life. I didn't have control over me it felt like I was smitten by his charm and it felt as if he performed a black magic on me. At this point of time I don't even know what the story will turn out to be but I'm sure that this story will definitely come to an end.

I'm a person who wanted a guy that would never leave me in any condition but things have taken a different. I don't know what my fate is but my biggest fear is gonna come true. He will leave me and that's for sure but when I don't know.

In the next chapter I'll reveal the male lead of my story. He is somewhat a mystery but easy to understand. Maybe I'll understand what love is with time. Should I take the risk of falling in love. There's no guarantee or surety of how much will it last. How would I live in the present without being worried about the future? I'm all set to go on a journey to find the ultimate truth.