Protected

.15.

{Tristin}
I've felt hopeless before. Felt it with Joey when he would get mad at me. But there were times when I felt good with him, wanted and loved. Like I was here. Like I was something special. Joey made me feel those things when we first started dating. Then throughout the years it felt trapped, like I was a bird in a cage. Only taken out when I was needed. I feel like that again. In the same cage. The hopelessness in my gut not disappearing. I don't feel here anymore. I feel like any second something will happen and I will either be with Joey again and have pain inflicted on me or not make it to Joey at all. Maybe I won't make it anywhere.

Christopher is working to find Joey and work for his business and it's hard for him. Hector is trying to brighten my mood but I just can't seem to enjoy anything at the moment. I'm hurting him. I know I am. I can hear him crying behind my door when he walks out.

Christopher...Christopher Rhee...no feelings allowed in our contract. I have feelings for Christopher. The feelings I get when I am around him. The way he makes me feel. The jealousy I get when he was talking to that Alana woman. I hate the thought of him talking to someone else about things I want him to talk to me about. I want him to like me back. To not see me as a toy for his pleasure and see me as a guy wanting to be his everything. Just like Hector is Miles and Hollands everything.

"You need to eat" Miles says from behind my bedroom door. I barely drink water why would I want to eat. Hector has already tried and I still wouldn't. It has been two days since my champagne was drugged and I lost control of my body. I can't even look at a bottle of champagne without going into a panic attack. "Tristin, please. We are worried about you" Miles tries again. I know they are. Maybe not Christopher but I know Miles and Hector are. Holland I don't know about, he only shows emotion towards Hector and Miles but only sometimes with Miles. He doesn't speak again and I know he must have walked away.

I pull the soft covers tighter to my body hugging myself trying to remind myself that I'm safe here. These walls will keep me safe. Will they keep me safe? Christopher said I would be safe at the party yet I was drugged and almost abducted. Maybe it would be better if I went back to Joey. No one would get hurt, only me. I can take the punishment the things would back to the way they were. My feelings for Christopher would go away and Joey would be content with having me back.

I hear my door shut making me jump slightly. "Why aren't you eating?" The deep voice. Christopher is the only one with the key to my door. "Not hungry" I mumble keeping my eyes on the curtains that have been closed since the drugging. I hear his footsteps come closer then my arms gets grabbed so I face him. "You need to eat and I won't tell you again" He growls holding me in place with a glare. I push him off of me going back to where I was. "Tristin" It was a warning that I don't care for. He grabs my arm again and I yank it away from him standing up and facing him. "Stop! Stop it! Stop touching me! Stop telling me what to do! It's like Joey!" I scream hugging myself. Christopher stares at me in shock before his face turns to stone. "I am nothing like him" He says lowly.

"Are you sure!?" I ask. "What do you want from me Christopher? I am scared. Scared of everything! Scared of drinking and eating. I'm scared of losing the people I care about" I whimper. He walks over getting ready to wrap his arms around me but I back away and shake my head. "You don't understand. Things are happening and I don't know what to do. I have been thinking of going back to Joey so no one gets hurt" I admit sneaking a glance at him. "No, I will not let you do that" He says lifting my chin. "Why do you care? I'm just your toy" Something in Christopher's eyes change for a one second but gone the next. He doesn't answer. "Just leave me alone" I mumble then sit back down on the bed.

Christopher doesn't leave instead he sits next to me. "I know it must be hard right now Tristin but you can't give up" He says placing at hand on my knee. I look at him then his hand that was on my knee. "How long do you think our contract will last?" I ask softly. Christopher squeezes my knee before he removes it. He doesn't answer and gets up walking to the door. "There is food in the kitchen" He said before leaving me alone in my room again. I lay down my eyes drooping when my head hits the pillow. He didn't answer my question. He probably is going to break off our contract soon. If that's true I...I want to tell him how I feel. In plus if I do and he rejects me he will end our contract. Maybe he will let me stay if I get a job. They have jobs online or I could start my own business like a bakery. I've always wanted to start a bakery. Probably won't happen.

I'll tell him tomorrow. Good of time as ever I guess. If everything goes wrong Hector will be here and I'll get over it. Right? I mean I got over Joey...have I gotten over Joey? Yes, I have gotten over Joey. I don't want anything to do with him. I want Christopher but that probably won't happen either.

It'll be okay. I'll tell Christopher I have feelings for him and if he rejects me and ends our contract I'll ask to just get a job. But maybe...just maybe Christopher likes me back and we can we together. Not in a contract. Like be boyfriends and hold hands and go on dates. Maybe.