BEA
I was once a bad guy before. I raped an innocent soul. I destroyed her life, I destroyed her.
Before I stopped schooling, I was lost. I went to a bar. I got drunk. I bumped into a stranger. I woke up naked in bed with a stranger. I saw her face. Her round eyes, her angelic face. Lastly, I've noticed ang mga bakas ng luha sa mukha niya. She don't want this.
I panicked. I immediately went out of bed. But before I held the doorknob. She spoke.
"You raped me" she whispered in a low voice while crying. "You r-raped me, y-you f-forced me. Y-you wrecked m-me. You destroyed m-me"
Then I left her.
"Stop! H-hindi ko sinasadya yon. I n-never did that. Please, s-stop! S-stop!!"
A dream again. Nakagising ako na parang kakagaling ko lang sa takbuhan. Pawisan at pilit hinahabol ang aking mga hininga. Nakatulog pala ako dito sa ilalim ng punong mangga. Buti nalang at may karton akong nakita habang papunta ako dito. I get my phone sa pocket ko. Madaming missed calls and texts from Tots and Deanna.
I can't accept the offer after what I did to their daughter. I'm not ready also to face her. What if she will recognize me? What if it will trigger her and she will send me to jail? Yes, I admit my mistake but I'm still not ready to face it all. At ang malala pa, what if nakabuo talaga kami?
Bumuntong hininga nalang ako at nagsimula ng maglakad. Di kalayuan may nakita akong bulaluan. Dumaan muna ako doon at humigop ng sabaw. I decided to go back sa bahay namin nina Deans, for sure wala sila don kasi before I left them they went back to the mansion to accept the offer.
Katahimikan ang sumalubong sa akin pagpasok ko. Pumasok agad ako sa kwarto ko at maligo muna. After that I'll go to Maraguinot Mansion. I wore an all black, from my cap to my shoes. Sumakay ako ng tricycle at bumaba lang ako sa di kalayuan. Tanaw ko ang napakadaming kotseng nakaparada sa labas. Nag tago ako sa may puno upang di ako makita. Para akong isang magnanakaw na nagmaman-man dito.
I saw a glimpse of a little kid running. Siya na ata yung tinutukoy na apo ni Sir Maraguinot.
"It's impossible na anak ko siya. The rape incident happened 4 years ago. Mukhang nasa edad 5 or 6 anim na taon na ata yung bata" bulong ko sa sarili ko.
Nakamasid lang ako hanggang sa nakita ko yung babaeng hanggang ngayon ay kinukulit ako sa panaginip. The last time I saw her, hanggang dibdib pa ang buhok niya. I never had the chance to saw her face kasi nakatalikod siya habang hinahabol niya yung batang tumatakbo.
"I shouldn't came here. I think, she's all good" tumalikod na ako ngunit nagulat ako ng mabangga ko si Tots.
"Tangina, nakakagulat ka Tots" sabi ko sabay hawak sa dibdib ko.
"Gago ka! Pinag alala mo kami." sabi niya sabay batok sa akin.
"What are you doing here? Diba dapat nasa loob ka?" tanong ko.
"Ako dapat mag tanong niyan sa'yo. What are you doing here?" she mocked me. I rolled my eyes at her. Ako yung unang nag tanong e.
"I just want to check you and Deanna here" sabi ko.
"Sus! Gusto mo lang makita yung na first blood mo" I slapped her shoulders. Ang pangit ng term. It's not a good joke din.
"You meant, yung ginahasa ko?" malungkot na sabi ko. She sighed.
"Andiyan ka na naman. Past is past" sabi niya. Umiling ako.
"I can't forget about it. It's a crime, Tots" mahinang turan ko. She tapped my shoulder.
