I promise

I

There is so much fog. A blinding shade of white that almost hurts her eyes. It is impossible to see beyond it. The broken outline of Seattle is completely hidden. She rests her hands on the cold banister and she wonders for a moment if Derek loved taking ferry boats even with all that fog. He probably did. Her cell phone vibrates in her pocket. She picks it up. It's a text message from Cristina.
How many victims?
She smiles, before typing:  None except for Alex's bank account and a wedding planner.
That's okay, both of them are expendable. I'll call you later.
Have fun with your myectomy.
Please.

The party continues behind her, as dozens of passengers congratulate the newlyweds. Taking a ferry boat and finding yourself unexpectedly invited to a wedding. Not exactly a Seattle thing, but totally in Jo and Alex's style. Oh, she almost forgot. She has to call the nanny and ask her to stay a few more hours. She can't miss Alex's wedding party. He would understand. But she would not forgive herself. She is scrolling through her address book when she sees him, in the contact list, a few rows under the name she was looking for. It is by no means a sign of destiny. But maybe the fog confuses her thoughts, maybe everything is so unreal on that ferryboat surrounded by white fog and out of time, maybe there's too much happiness to infect anybody, even her, or maybe she simply wants someone to talk to.

'It doesn't mean anything. It's just a call.'

She keeps repeating it to herself, trying to keep that indescribable feeling at bay. Alex could leave. The last family connection she has in the world could vanish at any moment. She should feel stupid.... after all she's been through, she can't be afraid of something she can't control. Something that is inevitable. But that feeling of panic has stuck with her all day. Maybe it's that, that mix of stupidity (she still remembers that night at the bar, when hearing the door open she had turned around, absurdly expecting to find him there), and fear, that convinces her to touch that name on the screen. The call starts. The line is free. It rings. Part of her just wants to throw the damn phone in the water and forget about it. But a call to Nick Marsh can't scare her any more than operating on a cerebral hemorrhage with a cocktail straw on a turbulent flight in the skies over Sioux Falls. And she performed that procedure flawlessly. Without hesitation.

"I just saw a patient: textbook liver transplant, third week post-op. The patient has been suffering from oliguria, nausea, vomiting for days. Everyone is convinced that she is rejecting her liver. But I believe it's just her body struggling to adapt to the immunosuppressive therapy."
"Painkillers?"
"Refused. She has history with addiction."
"Biopsy? White cells count?"
"Normal. And portal vein thrombosis was ruled out. Albumin and alanine levels are slightly high, but that's normal after such liver stress."
"Then reduce Azathioprine and Tacro, keep the patient under observation in a sterile environment to avoid infection, and wait."
"That's right! Now I'm going to walk into that room full of ego-doped doctors and tell them that the Harper Avery winning Meredith Grey, after a consult, agrees with my diagnosis."
Meredith smiles.
"I don't know how convenient it is for you to tell them that after the recent foundation scandal...but if you think it's a wise move, go ahead."
"Oh, it sure is... Hello, Meredith."
She waits a moment before answering, because his tone of voice has now changed. For a moment she feels like the Minnesota guy is in front of her again, laying on that hospital bed.
"Hi, Nick."
"Please, what were you going to tell me before I so rudely interrupted you?"
"I..."
"Have you already revolutionized the face of modern medicine since we last met?"
"No, but I have invented mini livers. So ... I'm on the right track."
"Extraordinary." He whispers, and Meredith bites her lip to hold back a laugh.
"How's your kidney?"
"Oh, so you called to ask about my kidney?"
He sounds offended, but he's obviously joking. It is enough to erase her embarrassment.
"I'm still your doctor."
"Yeah, luckily."
"Luckily." She agrees, wryly.
"My kidney is fine, we're both doing great, if you're interested. Marathon ready."
"Good."
"There is someone who would like to thank you."
"Who?"
"My best friend. He's glad he didn't waste a kidney for nothing."
"No flowers or chocolates!"
"No, I'd say they're just not your style." Nick agrees. "Are you in the hospital?"
"I'm at a wedding."
Pause.
"Please tell me it's not yours."
Meredith laughs. With gusto. She turns for a moment to check that no one is watching her. Fortunately, all the attention is on the newlyweds.
"No, I guess not."
"Good."
He sounds more relaxed, his tone as playful as it always is.
"Because you have to give all your suitors a chance."
"I have no suitors."

"I've only been in your hospital a few days, and I already counted two nurses and a resident who are madly in love with you. Promise me that you will never accept courtship from a nurse."
"And why is that?"
"Well, because they have the craziest shifts in the world, their timeline is hell, so you would never have any free time to spend with them, no dates, no weekends, vacations only seven days a year."
"And what's the difference with us surgeons?"
"The salary. At least ours is not a starvation salary. And those seven days a year... Well, you could spend them in earthly heaven."
"That's the most...classist thing I've ever heard!"
"Hey, I don't make the rules. It's just the reality of our world."
"Don't worry. Dating and marrying surgeons, that's a closed chapter now."
"Good thing you're someone who can change her mind...Under the right circumstances!"
Mer opens her mouth slightly wide, shocked.
"You don't know that. You don't know me at all."
"I know enough. I'm your doctor, Dr. Marsh. I can't sit down and talk to you. This is inappropriate." Nick laughs after launching into an imitation of Meredith's voice.
"I don't talk like that at all!"
"Do you see that? Your tone of voice becomes incredibly high-pitched when you're under pressure."
"I'm not under pressure."
"And you're also a very good actress. You could have your own show in prime time. You should consider that, if you ever want to quit surgery and Sardinia is no longer an option."
She remains silent. She can't help but like the fact that he remembers. 'Deep, dark confessions amongst friends' that's what he had called them.
"And why would that no longer be an option?"
"Well, because you might have reconsidered and even learned to love the allure of canoes."
Mer rolls her eyes, a spontaneous reaction.
"Good thing you live on the other side of the country. I don't have to take that risk." She jokes, but there is something in her tone of voice that betrays her. She hopes he doesn't notice. It's just that... it's been a rather strange day.
"Yeah. Thankfully." He agrees, and for a moment he sounds serious. Or surrendered.
A long pause between them as the ferryboat sirens rumble, covering the noisy chatter of the passengers.
"Why did you call, Meredith?"
She doesn't like that tone of voice at all. Nor how it makes her feel: vulnerable, melancholic, speechless. She tries to compose herself before answering.
"I just wanted to know about your kidney."
"Mh-mh."
He doesn't pressure her, which makes her happy.
"Then promise me something."
Meredith snorts, loudly, to let him know how annoyed she is. Nick smiles. Or at least, that sigh resembled a smile.
"Another promise, Nick?"
"The last one." He promises.
"Let's hear it."
"Promise you'll call me again - to ask about my kidney."
She clutches the phone tightly. She holds her breath as both lips disappear in a thin, white line.
"Okay." She finally mutters and it is as if a part of her has given in after a grueling struggle with herself.
"Okay." He echoes her in the same soft tone. He sounds pleased. "So ... we'll be in touch, Meredith."
She smiles. That sounds like a secret.
"Talk to you, Nick."

Click.
She turns around and almost lets out a scream.
"Okay this is getting really creepy!" She says, annoyed, finding Amelia behind her, looking at her in shock.
"So... you're not in love with Alex or Jo because you already have a secret lover to fool around with?"
Meredith grits her teeth. She almost grinds them.
"I don't have any secret lover to ... what did you do to your hair?"
Meredith notices Amelia's shaggy hairstyle.
"What? Nothing?! Nothing!"
Her wrinkled blouse is even badly buttoned.
"It's just the fog!" Amelia continues to justify herself.
"When? Where?"
Probably feeling cornered, she confesses.
"A little while ago. In the bathroom. I don't know what happened. Maybe it's the wedding, the euphoria, and all this ... unmotivated happiness. Owen looked at me and it happened. One minute I was standing applauding the bride and groom, the next I was in the bathroom with him."
"Just because you have clandestine quickies in a bathroom with your ex doesn't mean everyone on this ferryboat does the same. For heaven's sake, it's full of kids here!"
Meredith walks away impatiently. Amelia smacks her lips uncomfortably, looking around and trying to fix her hair while no one is looking.