Rockstar Bay Academy: A Stepbrother Romance

Chapter 19: He May As Well Be Reading My Diary

"Lilah?"

I look over at Jesse. "Mm-hm."

"Are you sure there's nothing you would prefer to put on?"

"No, this is fine."

"You've been zoned out for the last two episodes," Mum says. "Are you sure there's nothing else you want to watch?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm hijacking your evening, so the least I can do is enjoy what you're watching."

Jesse tsks. "You're not hijacking our evening. When your plans fell through, we were happy to know you'd be home with us."

I smile at Jesse, who deserves an award for the best stepdad ever. Then I grab the giant bowl of popcorn on the couch beside me, shove a handful of the fluffy popped kernels in my mouth, and give them my best impression of someone who wants to binge-watch the latest Netflix superhero drama.

After telling everyone I want to stay focused on my schoolwork and don't have time to date this year, I made plans with Kennedy to go out with Kai and Jacob, the brothers Kennedy introduced me to at the wedding. It was supposed to be a 'just-friends' thing, and we were going to go watch a movie, but Jacob came down with the flu and I hadn't wanted to third wheel. It might be a just-friends thing for Jacob and me, but I think Kennedy likes Kai more than she's letting on.

So, here I am, third wheeling with Mum and Jesse instead.

Maybe I should be up in my room doing my homework, but the second story feels too quiet without the guys around. Both are out with their girlfriends. Besides, I've had more time to focus on my assignments with the duet being low on Asher's priority list, thanks to MOD rehearsals.

That doesn't mean the duet has been low on my priority list. I keep going over our song in my head, obsessing over why it's not working. Despite all the alterations we've made to our song, it's still as weak as dishwater. Forced and emotionless. Kennedy said the song I wrote about Asher for the auditions was my best yet because it was full of powerful emotions. But back then, I had a bucket load of anger, pain, and resentment to tap into for inspiration.

Things are a little different now.

It isn't as if I've forgotten that Asher is the reason that Ethan and I split up. Even though Ethan deserves more of the blame for our break-up, Asher set out to hate me from the start, pouring that toxic hatred all over Ethan and me until the end. But the Asher I've started getting to know since we started working on the duet differs from the hateful guy who never spoke a kind word to me once I started dating his brother.

He's also someone I've come to enjoy spending time with.

Take this week, for example. Even though Asher has been busy with rehearsals, he still made time to pick me up from work when I landed another late shift at the cinema mid-week. He sat with me at lunch. Twice. And when Ethan asked me to study with him after MOD rehearsals, Asher joined us. Then, of course, there's the fact we eat breakfast together every morning, Asher and Ethan telling me all about the progress MOD is making. Strangely, it's always Asher who asks for my opinion when he and Ethan are worrying over an aspect of their upcoming gig.

I've been trying not to over-analyse how I feel about Asher but living in denial makes working on our song difficult. Impossible, even. How do you write and emotional song when you're busy trying not to feel your emotions?

Swallowing thickly, I contemplate that question. The bigger question, perhaps, is: how am I supposed to bring up this dilemma with Asher? I mean, how do I say, 'hey, I don't hate you anymore, and I think that's why our duet isn't working?' Our song mightn't improve unless I get honest and say something, but what if Asher says he still sees me as a gold digger and a user. A month ago, I wouldn't have cared, but as I said, things are different now.