I remember

3

It's been 3 days since I broke Ian out to go draw. When we got back, it was like we had never left. Ian was amazed and said it was if time stood still when he was with me.

I didn't tell him, but I had seen the look on the nurses faces and I knew they had known we left. I don't know why they didn't say anything, but I don't think it matters.

Ian gets released today. We've made plans to go out to dinner to celebrate.

I get to the hospital , in civilian clothes, around 3, which is his scheduled time for release. I walk in and go to his room, but there is no sign of Ian here at all.

I run back to the front desk

"Hello, I'm looking for Ian Gallagher" I say, panic rising in my chest

The nurse clicks around on the computer for a second before looking back to me

"I have here that Ian Gallagher was released early due to overcrowding" she says simply

Early?

I begin to have trouble breathing. I feel a pressure behind my eyes as I walk back to the sliding doors.

Maybe Ian just didn't want to see me anymore. Maybe I should accept that.

I sit on one of the steps and cover my eyes with my hands.

"Hey" I hear from above

I look up and see Ian. The way the sun is shining from behind his head makes him look like a god.

I get to my feet and feel better immediately.

"Hey, I thought you had left" I say

"I thought we had a date?" A look of confusion crosses his face

I almost choke on air. A date?

"Right, we do. I just thought you'd grown tired of me" I laugh

"Not possible" he says with a smile

We stand there for a second, looking at each other. I look at his lips. They're so full and inviting.

"We should go" I say, tearing my eyes from his face and beginning to make my way towards my car

He doesn't say anything, just falls into step beside me.

*******

We've finished eating, so we're sitting here, telling stories and laughing together.

"My sister pushed me out of our second story bedroom window once. I sprained my wrist and she was grounded for 2 months" Ian tells me

"Wow, that's harsh. Sometimes I'm glad that I'm an only child" I joke

That makes him laugh. When Ian laughs, he laughs with his eyes closed and his head back. It's something I'm glad I get to see.

I look down at my hand resting on the table.

"Alright, I think it's time to go" Ian says

I look at him and nod my head. We get to our feet and I pick up the cheque from the table

"I can pay" he says, reaching for it

"I've got it" I say, slapping his hand

He shifts his feet and moves away. I want to ask him if he's alright, but I'm sure that's the last thing he wants to hear after leaving a hospital.

After I pay, we walk out together. I notice Ian is keeping a distance between us as we walk to my car. Once we get to stand beside it, I turn to him.

"Are you alright? Did I do something?" I ask

He looks down at his feet as he shoves his hands into his sweater pockets.

"Mick, it's nothing" he mumbles

I force a soft laugh

"Well, it's not nothing if it bothers you" I feel worried about the fact that he doesn't want to tell me

"I just don't like it when you make me feel like I'm weak and have to be taken care of" he looks around as he says this, not wanting to look me in the eyes

I don't know what to say. Of course I want to take care of him, but not because I think he's weak. I just care about him, is all.

"Ian, I'm sorry if I made you feel like that. I just want to look out for you, is all" I tell him

He sighs and looks at my face.

"Alright" he says

I smile before turning and unlocking the car. He goes around the front and stand beside the passenger door until I get that opened, also.

Once we're both inside, I start the car. I look down at his hand resting on the divider. It looks so much healthier without all those tubes and tape attached to it.

I wish I could hold his hand as I drive. But I know I can't, so I pull out of my parking spot and drive towards home.

As we walk silently into the living room, I can tell something is bothering Ian.

"Are you okay?" I ask, not knowing what else to say because I don't have a hint of what could be wrong

"Yea, i'm fine. I just wish I didn't have to burden you like this" he furrows his brow as he says this

I stop walking, and he follows suit. I look him in the eyes so he knows I mean what I'm about to say.

"Ian, you're not a burden. I am completely positive you can take care of yourself. I just want to be there for you and this is the only way I know to do it. So, really, you're the one helping me. By staying here, you make me feel less helpless to your situation" I finish with a smile, he makes me smile

He smiles too. A soft ghost of a smile and I love it.

He lets go of my hand. He drags his hand up my arm and rests his elbow on my shoulder. His fingers find their way into my hair.

I try hard to keep my breathing levelled and my eyes open.

Ian then takes his other hand and slides it under my shirt.

I go to speak, to tell him it would be inappropriate of me to take advantage of him when he's in such a weakened state, when he pulls my hair.

He doesnt just pull my hair. He yanks on the roots like he's trying to pull out a carrot from the earth. And it turns me on. It makes me think of all the dirty things he could do to me in this very room. And I want it all.

I want him to bend me over the back of the couch and take me hard and fast, going deeper everytime and not stopping until I'm a begging mess on the floor.

I want him to cuff me to the couch and make me disappear between his lips while I beg him for more, all without letting me touch him or myself.

I want him to force me onto my knees and use my mouth to his satisfaction, not even stopping when my jaw hurts.

I want him to slap me and force me to call him daddy. I want to do something very interesting with whipped cream and the nipple clamps I bought last month.

But none of that happens.

Instead, he whispers a thank you before stepping back and taking my hand again, forcing me to regain my composure and continue the tour of my home when all I want to do is take him to my bedroom.