how i feel when im around you ★ {serj tankian}

★

It was late into the evening, the room we stood in uncomfortably warm, the lights dimmed, resulting the house almost being in complete darkness. It felt familiar, very similar to the multiple parties me and my friends had attended during the past couple of months of summer. We leaned against the kitchen island, a few guys we'd met at the skatepark next to us.

There was loud music playing from a few large speakers that sat on the floor against the off- white wall, the volume obnoxiously loud. The main area was pretty lively, the area crowded with a lot more people than I'd initially expected, filled with unfamiliar faces.

It was a last minute decision, none of us really planning to be here, a new development that no one seemed to mind. Free drinks and an assortment of drugs, who could complain?

We initially planned to just call it a day at the skatepark, for all of us to head home and relax for the day. Those plans changed when Shavo had mentioned that a few people were gathering at his friend's house to hang out and get together. He promptly invited the rest of us to join, to which we agreed.

It wasn't with much hesitation. It was decided that it wouldn't be for that long and to just hang out for a few hours. Sure, I was tired and I'm sure a couple of the others were as well, but they didn't complain too much, enjoying the newfound company and the atmosphere surrounding them.

Funnily enough, once the second wave of people began filling the house, more unfamiliar faces joining the other drunk strangers dancing and drinking, we quickly realized that it was more than a small hangout as we were initially advised. It had been a couple weeks since we'd all been to a party as a group.

It wasn't that big of a deal. None of us seemed to mind too much, quick to adapt to the new setting, enjoying this new sudden development, letting loose and hanging out, even if that meant just standing in the kitchen talking.

"Guys." Serj started, a smile on his face. "I think we were tricked into coming to this party." he laughed.

John chuckled at his comment, Daron joining in as he nodded his head in agreement.

A new song came on, the bass particularly strong, the walls lightly vibrating from the intensity. The song changed riled up the drunkenly dancing group gathered, the dancing turning fast and energetic. We all collectively met eyes with Shavo, who sheepishly shrugged at us as he stood in the corner speaking to two people who's faces I couldn't make out.

"Hey?"

"Hm?"

"You good?" asked John, sitting on the kitchen island, his short- ish legs barely dangling.

"I wanna dance." I suddenly decided, hopping off of the stool I sat at, glancing at my friends in front of me. "Anyone wanna join?" I asked, my eyes slowly landing on Serj.

"There's no way I'm fucking dancing." John said.

Yeah, that was fair enough. John's response elicited a small chuckle from the group. My hopeful eyes landed on Serj who doesn't meet eye contact, my stomach beginning to stir from growing nerves.

Serj flashed a small frown and apologetic eyes, slowly shaking his head. "Sorry, man. Don't really feel like it, maybe later." he said, avoiding my gaze.

"I'll dance with you. I kinda suck though." Daron spoke up, brushing his long and disheveled hair out of his raccoon- like eyes, a small grin on his face as he moved closer to me.

I felt slight relief wash over myself, happy I wouldn't be dancing alone- grateful that Daron offered to join. I wasn't surprised he did. I could always rely on the boy, my best friend. "We can look stupid together."

Daron knew everything about me- including the fact that I was pretty infatuated with Serj. Odds were, Daron didn't want to dance, but after being rejected by Serj, he felt bad and offered to join. I was glad he did, once again grateful for Daron's empathy.

He hopped off the kitchen island, gently smiling, the pair of us making our way to the main floor where we were quickly surrounded by other moving bodies. The air grew tight, the temperature rising as the heat grows in intensity once we stepped in. Neither of us minded, embracing the uncomfortable feeling as we began to swiftly move our bodies.

It came natural, neither of us needing to communicate as we moved in synchronized rhythm, the dance playful, silly, and slightly sexual; but honestly, that was expected. We were both slightly drunk (well, slightly was an understatement when it came to Daron) making our movement sort of sloppy, but that was okay.

It was refreshing, really, enjoying Daron's presence as neither of us cared how stupid we may have looked. That was especially the case for me, at that point I had lost all care in the world and embraced the situation, moving my body with Daron's.

I never thought twice before jokingly grinding against him, both of us bursting into laughter, Daron hunching over while laughing. He leaned into the joke, taking ahold of my hips, holding back a giggle.

Despite the dance being for shits and giggles, it came across a lot more sexual than intended, our movements looking probably more than friendly to strangers who didn't understand us and our dynamic. We didn't give a shit, laughing as we mocked different styles, though, it mostly consisted of me grinding against him.

We never broke away, our bodies continually moving against the music, barely matching the music's style and rhythm at that point, but not caring. We were too lost to notice. I drowned out the strangers that bumped into us, Daron's hand moving to my waist until our bodies separated.

I was so lost in the music that it caught me off guard to see the rest of my friends staring, just in the right view to see us.

John stared, averting my gaze, seeming that he was trying not to laugh. He directed his attention elsewhere, gulping down whatever he was drinking, a wide smile glued onto his face.

Serj was harder to read, as always. His expression was solemn compared to everyone else, his eyes glued to the two of us for a few seconds before he looked down at the the solo cup in his hands.

I tried to ignore the guilt I held, tried to ignore the nagging thoughts of Serj.

I was grateful for Daron, the way he matched my energy, dancing with me without a worry in the world. I could've sworn he had a sixth sense sometimes. Maybe that was the effect of being my friend for such a long time, of being around me constantly. I didn't mind it because it helped me forget about the negative thoughts that liked to float around my mind, overwhelming me until I felt sick. I finally had a small break from thinking about Serj.

It felt nice to feel as free as I did now.

Although I was happy Daron agreed to dance with me, a small (large) part of me was hoping Serj would've joined me here. Nothing would've been weird about it but I understood why he refused.

I wasn't ever the type of person to dance, always being too scared about my clumsiness. I could thank the alcohol for giving me the small amount of confidence I had in that moment.

Daron glanced toward John, the boy flashing him a look and mouthing words toward him, calling him over. Daron quickly looked back to me, his hands falling back onto my waist as he leaned over and whispered into my ear, his voice low and apologetic.

"Hey, sorry dude, John is calling me over for something." he whispered.

I nodded, quick to turn my head and face him behind me, my long hair falling into my face. "Yeah, don't worry about it Daron." I responded, softly smiling.

It wasn't that big of a deal, I didn't expect Daron to stay with me the whole time. I was glad I'd gotten to dance with him at all.

My eyes followed Daron gently push through the crowd of moving bodies surrounded us, eventually meeting John who flashed him a quick smile, the pair heading off to another room.