The Evil Inside

15. The Family Man

     Things were relatively quiet after John and Felicia got married, and things appeared to look great much to Max and his wife's relief. Being in the same town made it easier for them to hang out, mingle and even be there if either needed help in one way or another. As time passed, Max even caught himself forgetting the past and how he and John actually became acquainted, but that would soon come bubbling back whenever Wilson would get into contact and check in for updates despite there being nothing to report most of the time. And yet life continued to unfold for John and Felicia, and they carried on as if any other couple would in their position. One day, Max and his wife were hosting the happy couple for dinner when they received the joyful news that they were expecting their first child. Excitement mingled with trepidation as everyone prepared for parenthood and the new addition coming along. Yet deep within John's heart, a silent turmoil brewed.

     When the day came and Felicia gave birth to a beautiful and very healthy boy, John was at a loss on how he was supposed to act, and even feel in this situation. His amnesia left John devoid of any memories from his own childhood, so he had nothing to reference when looking for guidance to how to conduct his own duties as a father. He couldn't recall the laughter, the warmth of his own dad's embrace, or the gentle counseling of a mother's love. Months before the arrival of their son, John couldn't help but feel a sense of unease as he had nothing to work with and that also scared him leading up to the big day.

     The day itself went by without any incident, as they made it to the hospital in decent time and delivered the child without issue. Felicia was feeding the child naturally and he left the room to give mom and new child a little privacy. As he was wandering the halls, John noticed that Max was there as well, and they met up in the waiting room. His former attorney and close friend was concerned about John and made his way to the hospital to check up on everyone, both child and parents. Max could tell there was something bothering them as they sat down to talk about it over crappy coffee made by the vending machine.

     "Hey, John." Max said, sitting across from him. "How are you holding up?"

     "About as well as can be expected," John confessed, "But to be honest with you, I'm struggling with it a bit."

     "How so?" Max asked him, curious to know.

     "Don't get me wrong," John started to explain, "Becoming a father and getting the house ready for the new addition has been fun, and even exciting at times."

     "But?" Max asked, aware there was something else coming.

     "I don't know how to feel about this," John confessed, "I really don't know how to feel because I don't remember my own childhood. How can I give something to my child that I no longer possess myself?"

     Max sat there and sipped his gawd awful coffee while listening to John's confession and could sense that it was genuine and coming from his heart. He paused for a moment when he finished to process it and come up with what he thought might be helpful to his friend.

     "John," Max started, taking a deep breath, "You may not remember our past, but that doesn't and will not define your ability to be a loving and caring father. I know from my own experience that parenthood is a journey of learning and growth. Right here and now, you have an opportunity to create new memories with Felicia and the baby. Some might consider starting a new family with a blank slate might be more of a blessing rather than curse."

     "How so?" John asked, eager to know what he meant.

     "It's true that we draw upon good memories of our parents to guide our own tenures as child bearers," Max continued, "But sometimes we also carry the burden of bad memories as well, and sometimes even pass that darkness onto our own children. While you are missing some of the good stuff that might have happened in your own childhood, you're also not going to burden the child with any bad memories you might have lost as well."