The Only Thing Stronger Than Hate (Minizerk)

Chapter 6

It was hard to fall asleep that night. All I could think about was the argument Josh and I had had. Things were starting to make more sense now, though.

Josh was jealous because his parents had a problem with his sexuality, and he didn't think anybody had a problem with mine.

He didn't know the half of it, though. But I couldn't really blame him for that. There's no reason he would know.

Yes, I was very lucky to have supportive parents. But I didn't have it the easiest when I came out at school.

One thing still pissed me off, though. I told him everything, and he just kept yelling at me. I was trying to communicate, and rather than understanding that we're not so different, he just tried to find a way that we were.

Also, I had no idea that Josh was gay. That surprised me quite a lot. I wasn't sure why it did. It's not like I'd heard of him dating a ton of girls or even anyone. It just caught me off guard.

Josh came back in later that night. But I was asleep when he did, and I didn't stir when he came in, so I didn't realise until the morning.

When I woke up, I rolled over to get my phone off my bedside table and saw he was in his bed. I grimaced at the thought of another argument.

I got up and began getting ready almost immediately, hoping to leave before he woke up.

Sadly, I didn't succeed.

Josh's eyes fluttered open with a yawn. He sat up in his bed, quietly staring at me for a moment before he spoke.

"Simon, I'm sorry..." He said awkwardly.

"Josh, I don't really want to hear it." I said.

"Please, you made me listen yesterday, and even if it took a while for me to hear you, it was what I needed to hear. So I'm asking you to listen to me now." He asked, a slight pleading in his tone.

"I made you listen because you were being a dick, I'm not being a dick." I sat down on the edge of my desk.

"And I get that, and I'm holding myself accountable right now. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. I really struggle to talk about sexuality, and I always thought your life was so easy. I was so wound up that I couldn't consider that I was wrong, so when you tried to tell me that, I just got more pissed off, thinking you were lying because you felt sorry for me or something." He admitted, pausing many times as he spoke, forcing the words out.

"I didn't feel sorry for you, Josh. I know pity only makes things worse. It just hurt that you made me feel like what I went through was nothing because you were thinking about your own life." I told him.

"What you went through wasn't nothing. I can't believe you went through that and hid it so well." He said.

"I didn't want anyone thinking they could wear me down." I shrugged.

"But you're human." He said softly.

"I'm still not gonna let anyone have that power. It's not like I bottle everything up, I just don't show weakness to people who hurt me." I explained.

"I bottle stuff up. That's why I get so wound up. I don't ever let myself feel what I'm feeling, and I certainly don't show it. So it just comes out as anger." He said.

"I know it's not easy for you, Josh. But you need to put your walls down, at least with me. We live together, and if we're constantly arguing because something's bothered you and you've let it boil into anger, neither one of us is gonna be happy this year." I sighed.

"I'll try, Simon. I will." He promised.

"This was a good start, Josh. But you know if we're gonna try harder to communicate with each other, we're gonna have to talk about some uncomfortable shit, right?" I asked him.

"Like what?" He grimaced.

"We need to talk about high school, why you hate me, what's triggering you. Because if we don't, things are gonna keep causing issues between us." I told him.

"When?" He asked, his expression dropping further.

"You know what? Let's go out for food at some point. We'll talk properly then. It'd probably be good for us." I said.

"Okay, okay. But if it's too much, can we drop the conversation and try talking again another time? It's a lot for me." He said.

"Of course, as long as it happens at some point."