Somewhere In Between // Niall Horan

Chapter 8: Doubt

❝ The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. ❞

~~~

    Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Harry weren’t the only members of One Direction to feel like shit while their absent friend and bandmate was in a coma.  Under a sprawling tree in a place affectionately dubbed Neverland, the said friend and bandmate was having just as hard of a time as they were.  

    In the real world, there would be days when Niall felt miserable, such as the day of the accident.  He’d always been a bit more insecure about himself than the other boys were, and when he was left to only himself and his thoughts, his insecurities only grew bigger.  Ideas would pop into Niall’s head, picking on his flaws and bringing up his hidden self-doubts.  On those particular days, he’d feel like hiding from the world and not coming out until he was okay again.  His hands would get clammy and his heart would beat unnaturally fast.  He’d feel suffocated and lonely, even with so much attention and people around him.  And whenever he got over the feeling, the cycle repeated.  Then he’d resume his fetal position on the couch.

    Today was another of those days.

    Niall didn’t even know what day it was in the real world.  “God, stop asking.  I never bothered to figure out the time difference,” Whitney said when he asked her.  “Five days?  I have no idea.”  She looked at him with an odd expression on her face.  “Why?  Something wrong?”

    Yes.

    “No, nothing’s wrong.”  He turned his head away so she couldn’t see his melancholy.

    If her approximation was accurate, it only took five days for him to have another existential crisis.  That was a new record.  Great job, Niall.  Even in a coma you still manage to fuck yourself up.  And in just five days, too.  Bravo.

    He was doing fine until the time he apologized to Whitney, which was equivalent to a day ago in the real world.  Niall had almost forgotten his confused and depressed state while he was in Neverland, but for some reason, it came rushing back when he thought about his popstar life.  Just the thought of waking up to the pressure and attention made him want to curl up in a ball and hide away forever.  But at the same time, he desperately wanted to see the four lads he missed so much.

    What did he say they were doing without him?  Oh yeah, something stupid.

    Bullshit.

    Recalling the ignorant statement, Niall sighed and rubbed his face wearily.  Who was he kidding.  He doubted the boys were doing anything remotely stupid right now.  They were probably moping around, waiting for him to wake up so they can get on with their tour and TV appearances and everything else that came along with being in the world’s biggest boy band.  One Direction’s whole career was put on hold while he, Niall Horan, was stuck in a stupid coma.

    Did the boys even miss him?  Did anyone even miss him?  The fans?  The media?  The only reason anyone missed him was because they wanted to continue barging in on his personal life, wasn’t it?  Of course it was.  Nobody ever cared about how he felt.  They just wanted to watch and criticize his life until he regretted being in One Direction.  “What’s the point of waking up anymore,” he muttered bitterly under his breath.  “Maybe I should just stay in Neverland.”