Somewhere In Between // Niall Horan

Chapter 13: Odd Things

❝ Odd things happen to all of us on our way through life without our noticing for a time that they have happened. ❞

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    “I wasn’t trying to kill myself, you know.”

   Niall didn’t say anything.  He just rested his chin on her head and let her lean on him.  Whitney buried her face deeper into his shoulder and continued.  “I didn’t hate my life; I just wanted to be numb.  During the first few days, weeks in Neverland, I expected to die because of all the pills I must’ve downed.”  She felt his chest rise and fall from the deep breath he took.  “I’m fucked up, aren’t I?”

   The familiar, strangely echoing words made Niall press his lips tightly together.  Yes, she was fucked up.  They both were.  “Everyone is,” he said.  “Some are just more fucked up than others.  Look at us.”

   Her mouth curved slightly against his blue shirt.  “It’s pathetic how messed up we both are.”

   “It’d be more messed up if we weren’t, though.”

   “Mm,” she wordlessly agreed.

  Whitney sniffed and felt her weary bones relax with each breath she took.  See, Neverland had always been both peaceful and stressful, calming and frustrating.  You could easily be happy one minute and riled up the next.  It was an environment filled to the brim with every single possible emotion; it induced emotion.  There’s just something about being stuck in a strange conscious state that probes and prods you until your hidden secrets and problems are revealed.  Niall experienced it, and now Whitney did, too.  Whether it was a good thing for either of them was yet to be decided.  But Whitney knew she had to let go of everything sooner or later, and yeah, it was nice to unload her sorrows to someone else.  Even if that someone else was a troubled international pop superstar with his own issues as serious as The Economist.

   Niall kept his arms wrapped around Whitney’s slim body, trying to recall the last time he was this close to a girl.  When was the last time he talked so freely to someone?  He honestly couldn’t remember.  Niall gently rubbed her arms and held her body as it rose with each shaky breath Whitney took.  In the time they spent together, he’d never seen her so...vulnerable.  When she broke down, it looked like she just wanted to hide until her problems ran away – just like how it looked like when he broke down.  The ache that Niall felt whenever he had a meltdown was slowly crawling its way back to his chest, but this time it wasn’t because of the pressure.  It wasn’t because of the unwanted scrutiny.  It wasn’t even because he was trapped in his downward-spiral of thoughts.

   It was because of her and her problems.  Just thinking of how the strong girl in his arms was internally hurting made him hurt even more.

   Whitney slowly shrugged Niall’s arms away, pulling away and sitting up straight on the branch.  “I told you not to feel sorry for me, Niall,” she said.

   “What?”

   “You feel sorry for me.  It’s in your eyes, I can see it in your eyes.”