Obx smut

trauma. jj maybank*

i forgot the numbers and i cbf so
praise kink.

do i wanna know- artic monkeys
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𝐘/𝐧𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

i'm sitting on the edge of the chateau confused on what the others are saying.
i learn to tune out.
the fuck it got to do with me, they always leave me out.

i get lost in the sight of the water, how it flows.
kind of like my life.
everything kinda flows.
and on my bad days it's a whole tsunami.
that's what you get for having bpd i guess.

i turn back to see the pogues rambling on and something catches my eyes.
blondies staring at me.
i mouth 'what'

he just looks away in response and i go back to watching the water until i can feel eyes baring on to me again.

i decide to get up and get a beer from the fridge inside, to make this whole situation bearable.

i'm in the middle of getting a beer until i feel a presence behind me.

i turn around to see blondie staring at me.

"what?"
i say aloud.

"you were sitting alone. what's up"
he says looking at me with suppressed lips.

"idk it was boring"
i say closing the fridge door making my way to the couch.

"right."
he says pointing one finger in the air walking to me again.

i never really liked jj.
he cared way to much, and when people care i'm in a tricky situation which i don't know what to do.
i know it's bad but it's nothing i can really controll.

"what do you want?"
i look at him taking a sip of my cola beer before looking away at john b whom is still rambling about who knows what.

"to talk. i know that we both didn't step foot in the best friendship.
but i care, and you know that.
and i get that you don't like people showing affection because you never got it and well. never did i"
he says looking down at his hands holding one another.

"did you just compare our trauma?
jj we are NOTHING alike"
i scoff and look him in his eyes.

he knows about the situation where my dad turned into a drinker narcissist asshole and would rather drugs over his own child.
but you know i made it this far.
he has a dad.
know nothing about him though.

"don't say that."
he says piercing his eyes in mine like a wave of sadness and angry just flushed over me.

"why?"
i ask him challenging him.

"because- well. no we are the same. my dad.."
he says before spitting out a hella a lot of words which turned my perspective around.
"my dad turned on me. spending all the money he got on alcohol, and cocain and what ever substance he could lay his hands on. and i know that can really fuck up a person, it changed me alot. i got into the goood old marjiuna and shit.  if you asked me years ago when my dad turned on me if i'd ever do remotely any sort of drug- even if it's the less damaging. i would of laughed in your fucking face"
those words.
those words that just came out his mouth.
kinda shot me like a bullet.
i can see him hide his tears a little bit and i'm filled with sympathy.

"hey. i'm sorry."
i say looking at him even if he's looking away now.

"it's fine i guess. he's off the island and if the gold john b talki-"
he gets cut off because i hugged him.
i hugged him so all that fucking pain he had to go through could wash away.
it was all i needed. a hug and i would. feel 10 times fuckinf better.