Chasing the Stars || Amelia Shepherd

chapter one

"alright listen up, here are your assignments for the day," meredith shouted to the residents that had hurriedly gathered in front of her.

"wilson you're with me, edwards you're with robbins, murphy you're with torres, brooks you're with hunt, ross you're with kepner, grayson you're with shepherd. now move it!" the attending ordered.

the residents hurriedly scattered, heading in different directions towards their designated wings of the hospital.

evelyn's pov:

i walked briskly through the long corridors of grey-sloan to the neuro wing to find dr. shepherd waiting for me at the nurses station.

i took a deep breath, pushing everything as far down as i could, and went to meet her at the desk.

"good morning grayson, ready for another day of saving lives?" she asked.

"of course dr. shepherd," i responded, plastering a fake smile on my face.

"alright then! here are some charts for you to finish and we have a surgery to do later. i'll page you when it's time to scrub!" she announced, handing me a few charts.

"of course, thanks dr. shepherd," i took the charts from her and just as i was about to turn and head to an on-call room, she spoke.

"hey, what's that on your arm?"

shit.

my sleeve had ridden up my arm slightly as i reached for the charts, revealing the inside of my wrist.

"oh, um...that's nothing...it's from uh...i fell a few days ago...it's nothing," i hastily pulled an excuse together, hoping it was enough for her to drop it.

"is it alright if i take a look? those looked kinda deep," she asked.

no. no no no no no.

"no...uh, i mean it's fine really, i can take care of it myself," i laughed nervously, trying to convince her to just leave me alone.

she looked at me confused. i could feel myself sweating.

"are you sure? that looked like it needed stitches," she countered.

please. please don't make me.

i had frozen. it was like she could see right through me. of all people she couldn't know. she was my mentor, she needed to see me as strong and capable, not the fucked up mess of a person i really was.

i panicked, dropping my charts on the desk, i spun on my heels and made a dash for the nearest on-call room.

i ran inside, slamming and locking the door behind me. after swiftly scanning the room and confirming it was empty, i stumbled over the corner of the room and sank down onto the floor.

my breathing was erratic and fast, a sign that i was on the verge of a panic attack. i was beginning to feel light-headed. i proceeded to try and calm myself down.

in. 1, 2, 3, 4. out. 1, 2, 3, 4.

in. 1, 2, 3, 4. out. 1, 2, 3, 4.

in. 1, 2, 3, 4. out. 1, 2, 3, 4.

right as my breathing began to slow, i heard it. there was a knock on the door of the on-call room followed by dr. shepherd's soft voice.

"evelyn? i know you're in there, i just want to make sure you're okay."

she was making this so difficult.

i covered my mouth with my hand, trying to muffle the sobs escaping me. i screwed my eyes shut and prayed that she would just go away.

a few seconds later i heard the sound of her footsteps receding. i removed my hand from my mouth and let out a little cry.

the relief however was short lived.

a mere minute later i heard someone approaching the on-call room yet again. my eyes widened as i heard a key enter into the lock on the other side of the door.

that's when i remembered. there was a key to every on-call room in the hospital, located at the nurses stations for emergencies. god fucking damnit. 

the key turned in the lock and the door cracked open, a slither of light making its way into the room. i curled up into a tight ball, gripping fistfuls of my hair, my whole body trembling. why? why couldn't she just leave me alone?

i heard her step into the room, closing and locking the door behind her. my fingers clawed at my hair, tugging at it roughly. the feeling of being trapped was growing to be unbearable. she was going to find out and tell dr. grey and she was going to realise how fucking pathetic i was.

she slowly started to approach me, but before she got too close i lashed out.

my head snapped up to look at her and i yelled, "GO AWAY! PLEASE GO AWAY! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I'M FINE!" there was a tremble in my voice and i knew she picked up on it.

she crouched down in front of me, and i lowered my head, scared of how she was going to react. her expression was soft, and her head was tilted to one side.

"i need to check that your arm is okay evelyn" she says quietly. my breathing quickened and i bit my lip.

"no. my arm is fine, i can take care of myself dr. shepherd, just leave me a-alone," my stupid voice broke.

she proceeds to give me the grace of her first name. "call me amelia."

"fine. please just go away amelia, i'm fine," i begged her, still looking at the floor. it was nice of her to let me use her first name, but that wasn't going to make me give up my secret. not that easily.

"i'm not leaving you like this evelyn. you're not fine and i need to see your arm."

she inched closer, and i flinched away from her. memories from the past flooded through my head. being shoved and grabbed and kicked and hit.

she was visibly taken aback by this. i continued to whimper, praying that she would just get up and leave.

i felt a hand gently rest on my shoulder and i jumped slightly.

"come get up on the bed and let me have a look," she said.

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word count: 1019

a/n - if you've somehow found this story and read this first chapter, thank you so much!!!! it means the world that someone would actually read this. 

i'll take requests for future chapters or other stories into account. let me know what you thought of this chapter.

- oliver :)