For Every Missing Shade

Entry 27

We pulled into the driveway of a beautiful cabin. It rested on the side of a mountain, populated with pine trees and boulders. Looking out from the porch, the entire world surrounded us. Cliffs and peaks rested below us as well as towered over us. The sun was setting over the mountains in the distance, warming the horizon with a light orange and yellow. Already, I could see stars appearing in the night sky.

The world swelled and cracked before me. Each slope had its own personality. One that made me want to become familiar with each trail. My favorite part about the mountains was how broad of a spectrum their beauty encapsulated. It didn't matter if it was raining, foggy, snowing, or sunny. They were always beautiful, just in a different way.

I got to know each type of beauty well as a kid. It was nice to see one part of the spectrum again.

She was unlocking the house as I stared at the world. "Come on," she yelled, "we have two nights here to look at everything. For now, I need some food."

We went inside to the most classically rustic cabin I had ever seen. On one side of the cabin sat piles of chopped wood next to a stand-alone rusty furnace. There was a gas-powered stove with a compressed butane container sitting right next to it. On the other side of the room there was a couch, table, chairs, and enough blankets to keep an entire village warm. A stuffed buck's head sat above a stone opening for a fireplace and there were different paintings and pictures of nature scattered on walls and tables.

We walked through the room into the bedroom behind it. A bear-skin rug sat under the legs of the queen-sized bed, and different animal skins were laid on top of the comforter. The sight looked ghastly, like the cabin's owner had a grudge match with every colorado species. 

"Yeah, we're definitely going to be haunted by the ghosts of these animals," she said. And then for good measure added, "WE'RE SORRY ANIMALS, WE DIDN'T DO THIS. DON'T HAUNT US!"

I added, "I'VE NEVER GONE HUNTING BEFORE, I SWEAR!"

"Okay, I think we've warded off the animal spirits... for now."

"Good. Can't take any chances here," I agreed.

"Alright, my stomach is going to consume itself if I don't get some food in me, stat. How about you be an amazing gentleman and go out into the cold to retrieve the cooler I brought that has some good old frozen meats and oats."

"As you wish," I replied as I got back on my boots to go outside.

"You get bonus points for quoting the Princess Bride!" she yelled as I shut the door behind me.

I looked through all of the random stuff she brought with her until I finally stumbled across the cooler. I took it out, taking care not to take out walking sticks, tent poles, lawn chairs, and about a hundred other things with it.

I walked back inside to her stoking a fire in our furnace with a fresh sweater on.

I placed the food on the kitchen counter and looked around the cabin for anything to play music. While looking through the TV stand, I found a small audio input attached to the two small speakers on both sides of the TV. I plugged my phone into the aux input and played from the playlist, Dear Future Wife.

I walked behind her and hugged her from her back to the sound of Frank Sinatra. She spun around in my embrace to face me, her hair hitting me in the face as she did it. We both laughed and I reached up to fix her hair back behind her ear.

I took her hands and a step back as I spun her around. I pulled her forward into me as she put her hand on my chest. She leaned into my ear to whisper something.

"I know that this is supposed to be really romantic," she said, "but I am actually going to pass out if I don't get any food in me."

I laughed and let her go. She went over to sit on the couch and I looked into the cooler to see what she brought. Some mac and cheese skillet boxes caught my eye so I went to boil water.

I looked behind me and saw her with her eyes closed on the couch. Her hand was slightly clutching her stomach, so I let her be. I warmed up a moist towel on top of the pan lid and gave it to her. She lifted up her shirt and laid it around the bottom of her ribcage, right where this all started.

"How are you feeling?" I asked

"Well there will always be good moments and bad ones. I'm just feeling a little light-headed right now and I didn't want to pass out again." The words came out labored and her breath was shortened.

I kissed her forehead and got back to the now boiling water. I poured in the noodles from the package and then fixed everything else after that.

I plated our meal and brought it over to the couch. Emma was already asleep so I lightly shook her shoulder to try to wake her up.

Her eyes immediately opened once she smelled the food. "Oh hell yes," she whispered under her breath.

By the time I got back from the kitchen with my own food, she had already finished half of her plate.

"Jesus Christ," I said incredulously.

She looked up from her food and over at me. "What are you looking at? I told you I was hungry."

"I'm not looking at anything," I said as I sat down next to her.

"Yeah. Keep it that way."

I zipped my lips shut and paused the music on my phone. The only sounds were the whistling of wind on the frosted-over window and the clang of our silverware. She finished her plate in no time and set it down on the coffee table as she relaxed against the couch.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be good. I just need to take one of those sleeping pills and cash out."

"Are you sure you'll need one?" I wondered aloud. "You already seem pretty tired."

"I don't know." She paused and gently touched her abdomen. "I think it might be kind of a painful night and I don't really want to be woken up for it."

I grabbed her thigh and landed a kiss on her cheek. "Do you want to just go to bed? I could get a movie going if you'd want."

"As long as I can fall asleep in the middle."

"You can sleep as long as we can spoon," I rebutted.

"Sounds like a deal to me. What are we going to watch?"

"Well," I said as I got up to check the entertainment center, "It looks like they have just about every western imaginable and also the entire collection of Discovery Channel nature documentaries."

Eventually, we decided on a documentary about mountain goats and snow leopards. Within a few minutes, Emma was passed out and I finished the documentary by myself. Afterwards I carried her back to bed and tucked her into the mess of fur and wool that was our comforter.

I wasn't sure what she meant by the pain or what it entailed, but I decided to give her some space for the night. I set up a pillow and blanket in the main room and calmed my mind down.

Eventually, under the watchful eye of the mounted deer on the wall beside me, I drifted off to sleep.