For Every Missing Shade

Entry 40

I sat in my car, thinking about how I should go in. Should I just walk in like nothing happened? Should I walk in and expect everything to happen? Should I be prepared for a thousand hugs and kisses or to go back into the swing of things without skipping a beat?

I settled on being prepared for all of the above and finally shut off my car. I saw other people walking around me and I could feel their looks. I'm just trying to make something out of nothing, I thought, people look around, that's what they freaking do.

I walked in through the doors and took out my phone. I texted Stew and got a response within a couple of seconds.

Before I could read it, an unstoppable force jumped on my back. I almost got knocked to the ground before he broke my fall and turned me around. Sure enough, there he was.

"Dude, I have missed you SO much!" he exclaimed, wrapping me in a tight embrace.

"I missed you too buddy," I said quietly as he held me tight against his chest.

"You have to tell me literally everything about what happened while you and Emma were gone, I've had the most boring-ass time since Christmas without you. How's Emma?"

"Do you want to ask her yourself? She'd love to see you again and I was gonna go over there anyway after school."

"Perfect. Is she, like, still okay? I mean, I know she's not doing great but what should I be expecting in terms of... well, ya know?"

I thought about how that would come off as rude (at best) coming from everyone else, but not Stew. "Her personality is the same as it's always been but she needs things like a walker if she wants to travel further than her bathroom."

"I'm so excited to see her again."

"She's going to lose it," I added

"In other news," he continued, "I heard that you're going to Pragma on the freaking Queen's scholarship or something. That must be amazing."

"I don't think it's settled in, to be honest. I still don't really feel like I'm back at school or even that I'm back from that road trip anymore. I'm in some weird limbo where I don't quite know what's going on."

"How about we run to McDonald's sometime soon and we can talk until you feel like you're back."

"That actually sounds pretty nice, thanks."

The five-minute bell rang for class and we parted ways. I walked into my first class on-time and sat down next to someone with their nose already in the textbook and someone else talking to their friend. I got back on my phone and browsed social media until the teacher walked up to the front of the class to take attendance.

I spaced off my fair amount during class, but all-in-all I felt good. Eventually, class ended and I walked out into the bustling hallway. Nobody seemed to pay any mind to me, at least not because of Emma. I got the occasional "hello" and "how's it going?" as I made my way to another period.

This is manageable, I thought.

Eventually, the end of the day came around and I grabbed Stew. We drove to the hospital, each of us excited and anxious.

When we got into the hospital room, Emma was reading a book. I walked in first and she smiled, but once Stew ducked into the room, she basically chucked the book into the hallway.

"Do my eyes deceive me or is THE Stew in my freaking room right now!" she exclaimed.

He ran up and held her in a tight embrace.

"Dude ease up, she's precious cargo," I warned.

"Oh I don't even care," she said back. "Never leave, please."

"Here, I'm going to go get a snack while you two catch up, does anyone want anything?" I asked.

"A pack of cookies, please?" she asked with her signature smile.

"You got it," I said as I closed the door behind me.

I took my time at the vending machine to let them have some conversation alone. I sauntered back and opened the door to them excitedly talking about some girl who allegedly called Stew cute. Emma told him to go for it, and he looked bashful as he turned away.

"So are you able to leave the hospital at all?" Stew asked.

"For some meals and stuff, but I always need to be here when they schedule tests or check-ups which happen basically every five seconds at this point."

He tried to mask any pity or sorrow but Emma still caught a glimpse of it.

"Stew, I'm fine. I mean, look at this top tier entertainment I'm getting! You don't get this luxury outside in the real world," she said as she pointed to some daytime talk show trying to sell her something.

We all laughed and she seemed to feel better about it. That's the thing about her: even if she's not happy, she will stop at nothing to make you happy. I reached for her hand as Stew changed subjects to what was happening at school. We talked about homework we have to do, whether or not our football team would make it to the state tournament, the teachers we had, and the people we've met.

He eased the tension for a while, and I couldn't thank him enough for it.