149 Days Since

Glimpses

That's when it all started. I fell in love, and it stayed. Stayed so long I was going crazy. 

I felt like the luckiest guy on earth when I found out that she was in the next class. That meant that I could go near her and talk to her all the time. I was genuinely obsessed, but in a good way. She was so beautiful on the inside and out. I knew I couldn't stop myself, so I didn't. I tried my best to talk to her whenever I could. Break periods were the best times of the day because I knew I could see her and maybe even build up the courage to go and have a conversation with her. 

There was something enchanting in her. Something about her, or some way she acted, I don't know really, kept me hooked. I was addicted. I didn't care and still don't care about getting into relationships and I don't try hard either. But her, oh my god her, she pulled me, locked me, and I stayed. We were friends, sure, but those glimpses. The love I felt for her in those glimpses, the way she made me feel every time she saw me, the way I tried to act so friendly but I couldn't knowing she meant more to me than anything else did. It was slow, but it was good progress. I loved talking to her, didn't matter if I made improvement in breaking her shell or not.  I'm an extroverted person who doesn't fail to charm others. I'm funny and smart, but she never fell for it. And that drew me even more closer to her. I tried my best to talk to her and break her shell, but I couldn't. She stayed closed but she was so friendly. I was confused, but I was a confused fool in love so I didn't really care. 

Eventually, I broke her shell. We got really close and she'd laugh at my jokes. Every time she laughed, it warmed my heart. It was a warm and fuzzy feeling, and it felt so good. Oh how I wish that feeling stayed forever. It was like she filled my empty void, and I wanted her to keep going. Just when we were getting closer than ever, everything changed. 

Winter break came along and something happened. I tried to stay in touch, but as each day passed by, she grew farther apart. I didn't know what I had done wrong. We were so close as friends, then what did I do? That was the most non-enjoyable 12 day long holiday for me in my entire life. I couldn't help but constantly think about what I had done wrong. Was it something I said? Was it something with my expression? Was I rude to her? Did she find my jokes offensive? I really didn't know. 

Winter break finally ended. I got to meet her and talk to her, but I couldn't build up the courage to ask her why she was acting so distant. I didn't want to offend her even more and regret it in case she never talked to me again. Eventually, exams came along and everyone got busy. We'd study so much that we never got time to properly speak. Even amidst this tense situation, I saw an opportunity. What if, just what if, I tried to act like everything was normal? How about I try texting her "good luck" or "do your best in the exam" on the day of the exam? Maybe she'd soften up to me again. It was about to time I put an end to this cold attitude. So that's exactly what I did. Each morning, I'd send her a "good luck" or a "you'll ace it, don't worry" text to lighten her mood. She was cold at first, but she eventually started responding with equal energy and it was nice. I'd send her funny gifs to make her smile and she'd send some back too. 

Though I felt like everything was going back to normal, I realised that it wasn't. Some part of her still avoided me and didn't talk to me much. I felt bad, but I didn't know what to do. I saw how she acted with me and how she acted with others. Every time we were alone together or texting each other, she was so cold. But every time we talked with our whole friend group, she was normal. And it broke my heart.