Unsaid Goodbyes

Chapter 1: Atlas

It had only been 3 days and the week was already going for too long. My schedule was something I was just now getting the hang of; Highschool is a new territory that no one really prepared me for. The days were just as long as Middle School, but seemed even longer some days. But there was this guy in most of my classes, a guy I know has been here since he was little yet I had never seen him before.

He was tall; like almost a foot taller than me, had light brown hair, and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. He brought a sense of comfort wherever he went that was almost suffocating in the best way possible. Being around him felt safe. I had barely said two words to him during class, but he made it so much easier each time. It was like an instant connection.

That's when the bell rang. I grabbed all of my stuff from the desk and left to take that 5 minute walk to my next class, just enough time to get there and sit down before the bell rang. The room was cold the second I entered and I shivered at the feeling.

The second the bell rang the teacher told us to stand up, which only meant one thing. New seating arrangements. I only really had one real friend in this class and with my luck they would be across the room. We all spread across the room and the teacher had all of us pick a word. The goal was that 4 people would have the same word and would sit together based on what table has that word.

Trust; that was the word I and 3 other people have gotten. I stood near that table and took a seat at the first chair I saw. That's when I saw him, walking over to the table while talking to his friends. But there was no way he could be sitting here, right? Wrong.

He sat his bag down on the floor and sat down in the seat right next to me. I couldn't believe this. It was almost like fate was in my favor for once. Almost as soon as he sat down that comforting aura he walked around with. Soon, another chair moved and my one friend in that class sat down. It was the perfect seating arrangement, the golden arrangement. She immediately started talking to me, but I couldn't focus much.

I needed to know what to say to him. He was my friend, but was closer to being an acquaintance. We were still in that awkward stage of acknowledging each other's existence in the hallways but unless we were in class it was never more than that. When we did talk it felt like an instant connection, like he just understood me.

"Atlas, can you answer the third question for me?"

"Uhm, the sentence isn't grammatically correct because there should be a semicolon instead of a comma."

"Exactly, so the point of a...'

The teacher's words ran together, I needed to say something to him. I just had to, I wanted a friend. But I couldn't, just the thought brought me so much anxiety that I just gave up each time. It was an agonizing feeling.

"Las, give this to Jasper. We'll pass notes so you two can talk."

I nodded as I slipped the paper over to his side. He picked it up and a small smile appeared across his face. He seemed like a good guy. Friendship was definitely a possibility. I watched him scribble down something and hand it back to me. The note had a bunch of random words that I could barely read. It somehow helped with the charm.

The rest of the class went by in a blur of reading note after note. It almost felt like a bonding experience. Definitely friends, could be something more. But we'll never be nothing. He was really something different, something amazing. He reminded me of what I thought my ex-girlfriend could be.

"Atlas, are you ok? You look upset about something. Did something happen to you? Do I need to kill someone?"

"I'm fine Jasper. Just zoned out."

"Right. Well, the bell is about to ring. So I will talk to you later."

"Yea, see you."

I packed my bag, noting the mess it's already starting to become. I need to start having just two big binders for each day. He began to walk away to hang out with his friends; the feeling of safety evaporating away. I was in too deep and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Just his presence felt safer than anything my exes could have done the entire relationship.

          The loud sound of the bell ringing rang through the small closed room. I left the room with thoughts of the conversation we just had. His voice rang in my head, making the words sink into every pore on my body. I couldn't tell what was wrong with me; I had only been with my current girlfriend for 4 months and I was already starting to get bored. She was a good girlfriend, but it was boring. I had no excitement, maybe I was attracted to toxicity and that was the problem. But that wouldn't explain why I was attracted to him. It wasn't an overwhelming need for him, but every time I saw him I could only imagine what we could be capable of. He made me question morals I have had for longer than I've been dating people for.

He was my definition of an addiction. Someone I couldn't get enough of. I wished we could spend hours together, maybe even days. But it will blow over, it always does. He is just a passing phase, and I'm still in a relationship. I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to. It wasn't worth risking my relationship over. Although, he did have beautiful eyes.