She Fell First

The confession

Lia skipped into the student access room, finding a boy who clearly had no sense of fashion, sitting by himself. The baggy oversized T-shirt making him look small and covering his lean body. Not to mention, the overly saturated blue jeans.

She decided to move stealthily and tiptoed over to the table, slowly sitting on the chair across him. She wasn't surprised to see that he hasn't noticed her. He just sat there, his messy curly hair being swept back by his headphones. His eyes stayed fixed on the screen in his hands, the sound of his finger tapping the screen being the only sound coming from him.

Cute, she chuckled to herself.

"Hey, Zain!" she called, tapping the table twice to get his attention. "Wake up!"

The boy removed his headphones, a smile forming in his face as he sees his friend.

"What's up?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Ceiling" she said with a smug smile
.
"Hahaha," he laughed sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Zain was a friend she made since she joined university. He was the first person she talked to and felt comfortable being with in university. Ever since they became friends, they often hang out in the student access room. Turned out that they both had a ton of similar interests. Still, they didn't agree on everything and had different opinions.

She loved watching BL dramas while he preferred not talking about it. They argue over which fictional character is better and try to convince each other that they are right, which leads to another totally different argument.

But recently, out of the blue, she's been starting to feel as if her chest got tighter, and her heart starts beating faster whenever she's with him. Even when they aren't hanging out, he would still pop in her mind.

Day after day, it felt as if his features shined and he started looking good despite what he wore. She knew what was wrong with her. She was falling in love.

She tried to stop. She told herself that he was dashing but it didn't matter since she had her whole life ahead of her. A ton of responsibilities to take care of before she could worry about such matters. But no matter what plan she sought out to bury this feeling, they were all destroyed by her heart.

She tucked a strand of her black hair behind her ears and stared at him, blue eyes meeting black. Usually the room would be filled with other students but not a single soul stood in that room except the pair. The abundance of noise, made her heartbeat even louder as if it was located close to her ears.

"Wait." He said, showing his phone's screen to her. "I'll finish this video."

She nodded in response. He put on his headphones and returned back to watching the screen. Just after he put it on, she snatched the phone off of his hand.

"What'd you do that for?" He asked irritated. "I was watching."

"I like you."

She said it. The words she's been holding in for so long, slipped out. She felt as if the whole weight on her shoulders just dropped. The air surrounding her filling the space that was once closed tight.

"Well, I hate you." He leaned forward trying to grab his phone from her hands. "Give it, will you?"

He stopped what he's doing as soon as the dawn of realization hit him after he saw the seriousness in her face.

"..."

She sighed and leaned forward.

"I...like...you." She whispered slowly, as if he was a child. "Don't make me repeat that."

She sat back and watched him try to process what just happened. He sat back against his chair and while his mouth moved but no words came out.

"Yo-you...I mean me? What?" He asked, his face red from all of this. "Wh-why me?"

"Well, you are nice and we also have similar interests." She says, staring into his eyes. "I mean.. I feel this connection between us."

He stares at her quietly, clearly taken back by this sudden confession.

"I know that this came out of nowhere." She says looking down at her hands and then shifting her gaze back to him. "But...Do you want to go out with me?"

A moment of silence followed. The worried expression which came after didn't bring any good.

"I...I am sorry." He apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. "I am not interested in dating."
Lia just sat there, biting her lip as her world shattered in front of her. Why's this happening? Why's this happening to her?

"You will find someone better than me," He tried to console her but he knew it was no use. "We'll still be friends, yeah?"

She gets from her seat and looks down at the table, her face trying hard not break into tears in front of him.

"Yeah," she manages to say. She turns and walks up to the door, leaving Zain to himself. He tries to reach for her but decides to stop when he realized that she would need some space.
She walks up to the girls washroom and pushes the door open slowly as if all of her energy just dissipated into thin air.

She brought herself in front of the sink, keeping herself steady with both her arms on the sink as she stared at herself in the mirror.

If only she was prettier... if only she was better... she's so worthless.

If she can't have him in this life, then maybe in the next life.

"At least I tried." She smiles weakly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.