Blurred Lines (Käärijä X Bojan)

Love

Read before reading:

First I dont speak Finnish, so please be kind to me on that regard (I planned to include Slovenian too, but embarrassing myself in one language is enough). Also writing lyrics is hard so please be kind to be on that regard too.

In this chapter instead of Käärijä, I use Jere, bc we entered the deepest layer of Bojan's conscious.

"La fée verte" means The Green fairy and it was a drink created in 1700s, very popular in France, was basically absinthe with additional herbs added to it, giving it a green colour, it was known to be able to cause hallucinations.

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It's been exactly 5 months ago that Jere visited him in Slovenia. It was August when he came, booking a hotel close to where Bojan lived. Bojan wanted to offer him to stay at his house but quickly discarded the idea. Being that close to Jere would have been dangerous. Such temptation should not exist in such close proximity to him, he thought. So close if he extended his arms, he would be able to reach it. How could have been able to resist falling into the same trap as before? The night they spent together was a mistake. A mistake, he still carried the consequences within him. Who would have thought that one night of passion, would be enough to dig out feelings, even he didn't know he had. Or maybe he just refused to give in the thought, to the possibility that they ever existed within his heart. That under the heat of the passionate touches they shared, under the desire to have, was something more sinful.

Love.

What a disastrous feeling to have.

Worse than lust could ever be held for Bojan. It is one thing to so deeply crave someone, you perish without their touch, and it's another to realise the source of that want is deeper than just physical attraction. Deeper than just horny thoughts.

It is love, that can destroy your soul, can push you into the deepest lows of your life, and make you feel jealous of hell, because in this misery it seems as if it was Heaven itself.

But love, oh love, can give you wings, and you fly across the pink puffy clouds, like a carefree child, in blissful happiness.

For Bojan, it was like a never-ending rainy day, his feelings watered by the cries of his heart. He suppressed it, as much as he could, ignoring the lingering pain, his skin soaked in the ache of every touch, his soul wrenched in the torture of every smile. The strings of his heart played a melancholic melody, tuned to the symphony of his unrequited love.

So it wasn't a surprise he gave into the moments of delight that was in sharing the same heat with Jere. When he planned to avoid it like a plague. He let himself be seduced and pulled into the trap that was Jere. And even if for a moment, ease the weight that was pulling him down slowly, into the pit of utter agony. Even if it was another mistake, a strong push into the hole of his hell, he took it as if it was his only saviour. And in some way it was. In the arms of Jere, he could pretend. Pretend for feelings to exist that were never. Even if it was only a cruel play, that would only sting more, when the moment passed. He played into the fantasies of his heart, just till they kissed. And he would bury the memories, like a dog its dearest bones, to forever preserve them in their glory. Then never look back at them.

(Or so he tried)

After their last passionate night together, he made the promise of burning the bridges that connected him to Jere, in a way, friends shouldn't be connected. All that was sexual, and what was more than that.

The time apart helped. The distance helped.

Till they didn't.

Because here he was again. Waiting for his plane to land in Finland, and the forgotten feelings set his whole body aflame. He was burning. The air felt cool around him and he was shivering, like a leaf touched by the icy winter night. He felt himself sweating, as if he ran marathons, he never could or did. He felt nervous to meet again, nervous to see Jere again, to be so close to the Sun. He was scared he will get burnt again, if he is not careful enough. But how could he fully protect himself from the hurt, when the meal would be right in front of him and he would only need to take a bite. Risking losing his teeth along the way, but the taste would make it worth it.