My vent book (TW)

05/27/2023 Saturday

They found out. They don't care. They make fun of me for it. My fucking parents called me "Edward scissor hands/wrists". They don't care. They find my pain amusing.

This is why I didn't want to tell anyone. They told me to not "emo" until they get the chance to talk to me. It frustrates me. I hate it here. I wanna leave. I wanna leave I wanna leave I just wanna leave. My mom said that she did it too, and just compared her pain to mine, don't fucking say that shit. It just makes it worse. She told me to stop because it hurts her feelings. Not everything is about you, Lynde. It's all getting too much. My dad said that he talked to my brothers about how they are another reason for why I do it, but they said that he never talked to them. It irritates me. They won't stop arguing.

The oldest acts like he has it so hard. I have all of this weight on me, and he thinks it's always about him. "I have all this responsibility" it's because you're 16 fucking years old, and you don't do shit around the house. I hate you. I am the last child, I'm supposed to do better than all of you, but it's hard. I have to watch you all move out. I am the one who is expected to do the best. My middle brother is the one who's more than a dad than my actual father. It's bullshit.

I have the itching sensation on my arms again. But I didn't do it. It hurts. It wont stop. It's red. Please stop.

My mom lost her job because she warned people about my uncle. It's not her fault. He was older than 20 years old. My mom had to help her. My cousin was 2 years old. He tried to do it to me and my middle brother before he transitioned. He hurt her. He wonders why I hate him. Why I ignore him. Why I don't feel safe around him. I feel the need to RUIN his life. And tell his girlfriend who's old enough to be his MOM what happened. I had to sleep in the living room for vacation where we were staying. Everyone could watch me sleep. I want my own room. So I have privacy. I can't deal with not knowing what happened while I was asleep. It's always the same bullshit. I'm so done, I wanna go. I don't care how. I just want to go.