helluva boss x male reader

piolt/first day

"y/n's pov"
Y/n: crap crap crap
"You are gathering your things for your first day of work at I.M.P took you a long time to find a job after you left greed and the mafia"
Y/n: where the fuck are my car keys
"You scramble around your apartment"
Y/n: found you
"You found your car keys and rush to your car and get in and drive to work"
"Blitz's pov"
Blitz: okay I know business...has been a bit slow and I'm not naming any names here moxxie
"Moxxie raised an eyebrow with a "what the fuck" face"
Blitz: so does anyone have any bright ideas to get business strumming up again
Millie: what about a car wash
Blitz: this is hell Millie no one cares about car's getting clean here oh what about a billboard
Moxxie: we can't afford a billboard s-
"There's a knock on the door"
Y/n: hey um it's y/n can I come in
Blitz: doors open
"Y/n entered the room"
Y/n: uh hi
Blitz: we're just thinking about ideas to get business strumming up again what about you
Y/n: umm maybe food
Blitz: why would we sell food we kill people
Moxxie: has I was saying we can't afford a billboard sir
Blitz: helpful moxxie really glad you're in the room do you guys forget what we do
"Blitz puts on a short montage of them killing a few people"
Blitz: oh those were the glory days
Moxxie: I don't need any reminding sir considering you blew must of our salaries on a obnoxious TV ad last week one that you paid the run for an additional 3 hours on the channel nobody watches
Blitz: uh wait excuse me what's obnoxious about a super fun jingle all right it's a nice distraction when an advertisement is spitting bullshit
Millie: people love musical's sir
Blitz: exactly Millie and where basically doing a musical you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did
Moxxie: sir
Blitz: cause right now all I see is my dad's asshole talking to me crushing my dreams of who I am inside
Millie: you trying to crush his dreams moxxie
Moxxie: I what
Millie: I thought I knew you
"Millie said jokingly causing moxxie to roll his eyes and blush"
Blitz: I can't believe you Moxxie after I made you employee of the month
"Blitz pulled out an photo with moxxie looking like something"
Moxxie: okay sir I'm sorry sir an commercial jingle isn't comfortabl to musical theater nobody actually likes the jingles
Millie: I liked it
Moxxie: do not do not agree with him in front of me
Y/n: wait wait wait wait y'all did a jingle c-can i see it
Blitz: sure puting it on in 3 2
Moxxie: no wai-

y/n: oh god oh god moxxie Jesus
"The door opened revealing the doctor"
Doctor: he seems to be in fine condition but he'll need surgery now what insurance do you freaks provide
Blitz: the fuck is insurance
Y/n: yeah like seriously what the hell is that shit
"You and the rest of imp got thrown out of the hospital"
"Cut to the I.M.P building"
Moxxie: I would like to go on record and say that incident was a Loona's fault dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target it's very simple
Loona: oh sit on a dick moxxie
Moxxie: you sit on the and the di- do your job
Blitz: hey we don't blame our screw up's on loona ok she didn't do anything wrong
"She rubbed his face on her face while she growled"
Moxxie: are you kidding me sir she's awful
"Flashback"
"Loona was doing nothing until the phone rang"
Loona: hello I.M.P
Millie: "on the phone" loona I got stabbed call moxxi-
"She hung up"
Blitz: happy adoption anniversary loonie I got you a little something
Loona: is it a cure for syphilis
Blitz: I uh oh
"Loona them grabbed the present"
Loona: then I don't want it
"She slammed it to the ground and spiders came out and crawled on her"
Loona: UGH
Blitz: sorry you love spiders
Loona: god damnit
Moxxie: um excuse me did you just fact me an add for weight loss
Loona: no maybe your brother did
Moxxie: 1 he's in greed 2 wh- why why would anyone send me this
Loona: come on you know why
"Cut to her in the kitchen"
Loona: who ever left the fucking avocado salad in the fridge I'm taking it cuz I have the worst hangover right now
Millie: why would you drink on a work night
Loona: I'm hungover from this morning dumbass
Moxxie: didn't y/n make that for my lunch
Loona: you know what I can't take this assault right now I need to blow off some fucking steam
"She ran out to a girl with a baby" loona: AHHHHHHH
"She kicked the baby far"
Loona: blitz that clingy Rich assholes on the phone says it's urgent wants to talk to you sounds a little dtfey
Blitz: OH GOD IT WAS ONE TIME if I haven't't sleep with that privileged ass hole none of us would have access to the living world
Moxxie: you what
"Cut to stolas sleeping and blitz walking with a book"
Blitz: got the book got the book got this fucking heavy book
"He got on the balcony and tried to climb down"
Blitz: whoa whoa shit
"He fell on a cake that Stella and her friend's"
Blitz: sorry I fucked your husband"
"Cut to everyone"
Loona: BLITZ
Blitz: I HEARD YOU ALREA-
"Cut to blitz's office"
Blitz: so what can I do you for this time stolas
Stolas: there's a political candidate that's causing trouble on for my candidates he's trying to convince people global warning exists
Blitz: doesn't it
Stolas: well yes but more people die if nothing's done about it and it gets lonely here
Blitz: okay well yeah that makes sense
Stolas: you know what happens when I get lonely blitzly
Blitz: oh god fucking damnit
Stolas: when I lonely I become hungry and when I become hungry I want to choke on that red d**k of yours s**k your s**k and lick all of your d**ks before taking out all of your s**rm and f**king with more teeth until your screaming ************ like a fucking bab-
"Blitz hangs up the phone crushes it and blends it and gives it to Loona to drink"
Blitz: eat this and you know that bridge of the free way
Loona: yeah
Blitz: shit off it
"Cut to you having your job interview"
Blitz: okay so what do you bring to the team
Y/n: well I can make gadgets and I ge-
"Blitz's phone ring's"
Blitz: shit hold up
"He picks up the phone"
Blitz: hey loona not really the best time
Loona: well the fucking person who's fucking um shit there I'm
Blitz: loona are you drunk
Loona: are you
Blitz: okay uh y/n your hired need to deal with my daughter
Y/n: ummm thanks
"End of series of flashback's"
Blitz: okay look the point is Loona is a value part of our family and we don't get rid of family
Moxxie: WE aren't a family sir you are the boss we are the employee you treat her like she's some troubled teenager she's more like a meth addicted homeless woman you rent down in the bones
"As moxxie said this loona flipped him off"
Blitz: that is offensive without homeless people I wouldn't have half the joy and laughter I do in this life
Moxxie: while we're on the subject of "family" can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work also for love of Staten leave y/n's love life alone ever since he moved rings that's all you've done to him
Millie: come on fellas it's not that big a deal
Moxxie: excuse me
Y/n: pardon me
Moxxie and y/n: WHAT
"Flashback"
Moxxie: Millie can you get me the butter
Millie: sure sweetie
"She opened the fridge"
Blitz: spoiler alert butter spoiled
Millie: hehe
Moxxie: what's funny honey
Blitz: really impressive wordplay
Moxxie: WHAT THE WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE
"Cut to you swiping on sinder"
Y/n: pass pass pass ew what the fuck 5 eyes actually naw pass
Blitz: whatcha looking at
Y/n: AHHH WHAT THE FU-
"Cut to moxxie sleeping and blitz looming over him"
Blitz: what you dreaming about
Moxxie: I was just dreaming that my parents were being murdered but now I like to go back to that
"Cut to you at the coffee shop"
Y/n: so you come here often
Blitz: oh look look at this Mine pulling the rope for the ladies you really want to get dick wet eh
"She walked off"
Blitz: aww damn you missed your shot
Y/n: FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU-
"Cut to moxxie singing to Millie"
Moxxie: of all the imps in hell it for her that I fell
Millie: it's for him that I fell
Moxxie: oh Millie
"He went for a kiss but"
Moxxie: are you fucking filming us right now
"Cut to you at home with a girl"
Girl: so wanna get freaky
Blitz: this is your chance put a glove one it
"She left"
Y/n: some times I just hate you blitz
"End of flashback's"
Moxxie and y/n: just stop doing that
Blitz: it's okay really is there something you don't want me seeing
Moxxie: no
Blitz: you a baby weiner haver
Moxxie: sir what you saying how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE
Millie: calm down mox your going to have another panic attack
Moxxie: I AM CALM
"She stroked his hair"
Millie: shhh shhh shhh there there
Blitz: okay like I don't judge the gross freaky stuff you guys do outside of work so don't judge me
Moxxie: oh i do you judge you sir quite a lot actually
Millie: mox he's our boss
Blitz: no no it's fine mills it's just your husband is a bit uh how do I say it without being offensive retarded
Y/n: wow wow wow hey hey hey y'all calm it okay I I don't want this to turn into a fist fight
Moxxie: does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad single life
Blitz: it actually does
Loona: the only reason you have a wife is cuz you're easy to manage
Millie: no he's not you bitch
Y/n: I've known him most of my life he is a bit hard to manage
Blitz: do not talk to my receptionist  like that she's sensitive
Loona: yes I am
Kid: you guys are all fucking assholes
Y/n: bitch what you say
Blitz: hey shut up kid your lucky to witness this
Moxxie: "sigh" this company's such a mess
Blitz: all right let's get back to talk about my outfit
Loona: no one was talking about that
Blitz: that's why I'm trying to roll that ball into it how's it look nice fit
Kid: it's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuck shits when kill me but now I want that I want death you are selfish greedy clown and I'm a kid we're supposed to like clowns even the creepy ones
Moxxie: hey now that's not very-
Kid: if I want to hear from spineless jackass I'll rip out your spine and ask you some shit
Y/n: hey asshack don't talk to my brother that way
Millie: also that's my husband your talking to
Kid: heheheh that's your husband I figured you for a slut but I didn't know you needed dick that bad and you how's that love life going Heard you can't find anyone and you
Loona: what what about me
Kid: nothing I don't talk to dogs I'm a cat person
Blitz: well you know what kid you kind of are a piece of shit
"Everyone mumbles stuff when loona gets a text"
Loona: oh fuck guys I just got a text from our client guess he was the right target after all
Blitz: who
Loona: him
Kid: me
Y/n: oh hell yeah
Loona: yep
Blitz: they wanted us to kill an actual child
Loona: that's what they're saying
Blitz: well Christ on a stick I guess there is a God
"Blitz pulled out a gun and shot the kid"
Blitz: "monologuing" you know folks with this company I want to prove that we can do the same things everything else can like killing people so from us at the immediate murder professionals group we promised to settle unfinished business or your money is gone and you'll never get back and you can write us a bad review but we will play dumb to it cause it's hell and no one fucking care's
Blitz: you know even though this kid was a Target he's still a child it's provided that we move forward with the rest of the situation respectfully
Y/n: okay so I got a plan
"Cut to a News report with text below saying "mom sucks at drawing her own kid""
Mom: please if anyone has seen my little Eddie contact us at-oh
"She attached a sack with his body parts in it they look to see you and blitz moxxie Millie and y/n"
Blitz: your welcome
Y/n: bye b
"Episode ends"
A/n: finally my fingers are in so much pain hi whatever I hope you like this sorry you didn't get much of y/n but I promise the 2nd episode to Loo loo land and you got a lot so poo poo