Purée

'Which idiot?'

### Chapter: Lessons and Lies

The classroom buzzed with the low hum of conversation and the occasional rustle of parchment. I sat in the back, half-listening to Miss Trunchable—our formidable Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher—drone on about counter-curses. She was known around the school for her obsession with her cat and her strictness that bordered on tyrannical. But today, she seemed particularly irritated, her eyes scanning the room like a hawk searching for prey.

"Miss Black," her voice sliced through the air, pulling everyone's attention to the new girl, Caitlin Black, who had foolishly wandered into class late. I looked up, my curiosity piqued.

"Detention for you, my office after this lesson," Miss Trunchable stated with a cruel smirk.

I couldn't help but grin to myself. Rookie mistake—never be late to her lesson, especially if you're new.

Caitlin blinked in confusion. "I was lost?" she offered lamely.

I muttered under my breath, "And there's the second rookie mistake." Then I looked directly at her, unable to hide my amusement. "Shut your gob, sit down, and listen," I advised, trying to save her from digging a deeper hole.

Caitlin's eyes flashed with defiance. "Couldn't stay quiet, could you? Maybe it's you who needs to shut their gob," she snapped back, practically begging for more trouble.

"Fine by me," I shrugged, smirking. "I was only trying to get you fewer detentions, but go ahead, keep digging."

Joshua, seated a few desks away, coughed the word "liar" into his hand. I rolled my eyes. As if I'd ever help that hobo.

"Miss Black," Miss Trunchable's voice was like nails on a chalkboard as she zeroed in on Caitlin again. "Detention for passing notes in my class. That's not allowed—twenty minutes in my office."

I grinned wider, enjoying the show. Ah, Satan, don't make it this easy for me.

"How else am I meant to learn? You don't make any sense," Caitlin retorted, practically begging for extra time.

"Do you want ten more minutes added to your detention, Miss Black?" Miss Trunchable asked, her patience wearing thin.

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh out loud. Joshua leaned over, whispering, "Have you asked Satan how long this class is yet?"

"Nope," I whispered back, grinning. "Quite enjoying it."

Before the conversation could go further, another professor appeared at the door, urgency written across her face. "Miss Professor Umbridge, you're needed urgently, now."

Caitlin glanced at me, her bravado faltering slightly. "Any other mistakes I should know about?"

I turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "Why should I tell you? After all, you did tell me to shut my gob, and I will do so—quietly laughing on the inside at your mistakes."

She didn't reply, and I thanked whatever twisted deity watched over me that she was starting to realize her place. But I couldn't resist thinking, *Satan, you're doing a bad job—make her look like more of a fool.*

---

**Later, in the Common Room...**

After lessons, with my head practically begging to be bashed against the desk from the boredom of it all, Caitlin stormed into the common room, her face red with anger. "You bitch! You stole my earrings!" she yelled, her voice echoing off the stone walls.

I sighed, turning slowly to face her. "And you came to me because you think everyone else is your friend?" I asked, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. "Duh, give them back!" she demanded, her tone grating on my nerves.

"When can I kill the bitch?" I muttered, more to myself than anyone else. I glanced over at her brother Regulus, who was lounging nearby. Then, looking back at Caitlin, I smirked. "I don't have your cheap fucking earrings."

"Caitlin, she doesn't have them. She's been with me the whole day," Joshua chimed in, surprising me with his support. *First time for everything,* I thought. I'd take what I could get from him.

"What color are they?" I asked, my eyes drifting over to Cho and Cedric, who were both wearing flashy earrings. The rest of the room followed my gaze. Caitlin huffed and stormed off, clearly frustrated.

"From afar, they look expensive, but knowing her, they're definitely cheap... like herself," I commented with a wicked smile.

"Venessa," Regulus warned, his tone a low growl. I looked down, pretending to pick at my outfit, but the smirk never left my face.

"It's true. Little Neesa isn't lying to anyone's face," Mattheo said, suddenly appearing behind me.

I blinked, genuinely confused. "First my brother backs me up, and now you? What the actual fuck?"

"Don't get used to it," they both said in unison, as if they had rehearsed it.

"Yeah... I hope I don't. That's creepy as fuck," I muttered, standing up to leave the situation behind. But Caitlin wasn't done.

"I owe you an apology," she said, clearing her throat awkwardly.

I froze, genuinely shocked. *Am I gonna faint?* I wondered, *No, I need to stay awake for this. Maybe I should record it?*

"She would be delighted to hear it," Tom chimed in from behind me, startling me. *What the fuck is he doing here?*

"No, I'm not ready!" I exclaimed, holding up my hands in mock horror. "I need a phone to record it, then play it over and over again, then possibly faint because I never thought I'd live to hear such words."

"You've actually thought about her saying it, haven't you?" Regulus asked, his smirk returning.

"...Maybe. Shut it," I snapped, pointing a finger at him.

"Almost got you speechless," he teased, moving closer.

"So what?" I huffed, crossing my arms. "What about it?"

"First lie," he said, inching even closer. Shit.

"Nope, I'm confused," I countered, trying to hold my ground.

"Or you actually forgot... You were eight, I was ten, and we both made a promise. If I made you speechless, we'd have to get married. If you made me speechless, I'd leave you alone forever and take my sister with me," he explained, his voice tinged with nostalgia.

"Ohhh, shit," I laughed, the memory suddenly clear in my mind.

"You made a bet on me?" Caitlin asked, her anger flaring up again.

"...Not just about you," Regulus quickly added, trying to save face.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "But yes, apparently we did. We were young then."

"Rules still apply," Regulus said with a sly smile, then turned to leave.

"No—no, they do not!" I shouted, following him. "Maybe for you because you haven't grown mature yet, so you're still that ten-year-old!"

"You're still going on about it," he retorted, not even turning around. "That makes you still the eight-year-old."

"You started it! I'm finishing it like a mature person would," I declared, trying to keep up.

"Sure... whatever makes you sleep at night," he called back, disappearing down the corridor.

"Bitch," I muttered under my breath, frustrated.

"Can you believe that idiot?" I pointed at the now-empty hallway where Regulus had disappeared.

"Which idiot?" Joshua asked, smirking. "Because I'm looking at another one."

"Fuck you, dude," I shot back. "That isn't your name. Dickhead is for Regulus Black, prick is for Tom Riddle, and whore is for Caitlin Black."

Joshua laughed, clearly enjoying himself. "Remember the eight-year-old?" he shouted after me as I turned to leave.

"You can fuck off!" I yelled back, stomping away, my mind already churning with new schemes and insults. The day wasn't over yet, and I had plenty of time to make more chaos.