Tell Me What You Really Think, Mom

I Only Want What is Best For You

My mother has always been the type that wanted things done efficiently and in the RIGHT way. In other words, you can call her a bit of a control freak if you will. Which brings me to this conversation that I'm having where I listen to her rant on and on about the choices I've made and how she struggles having control over her child's choices that no longer have room for her in them.

My mother's thoughts and feelings of my actions finally come to the surface...

Always put yourself first; don't ever let any boy dictate your life or follow him across the world. You're still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't marry the first man you sleep with, it normally doesn't work out for a reason. Be selfish because you only have this one life to live and your accomplishments now will help you in the long run. Stay focused; don't ever depend on anyone. Don't you dare put all your eggs into one basket. Push yourself to the max; don't be lazy. Your generation is known to be one of the laziest generations of all time. I expect the most out of you especially since you're the oldest. You have to set a good example for your brother and the rest of the family. You're the first one to attend college in this family. It's all on you. You shouldn't have changed your major from Pre Med to English. Being a doctor is a lot more rewarding than being a lawyer. You need to think more seriously about your future, you're acting out like I did when I was your age. Stop growing up. Whenever I look at you, I see myself and it kills me. I don't want you to end up the way I did. You need to focus on yourself and not be in a relationship. You have too much on your plate that you can't handle. Just stop and think about what you're doing for a second. You're following in my footsteps and I only want what is best for you. We need to stop fighting because it's tearing us apart. I don't like fighting with my only daughter. I am proud of you, I just have a screwed up way of showing it. I know the moment you decided to go out of state you wanted to leave this home forever. You are onto bigger and better things, I just want you close by. I can't stand the thought of you leaving me forever. Each and every day that your graduation date is coming closer; it is becoming more of a reality that you are indeed leaving me for good. I'm sorry I pushed you so hard to the point where you don't even bother coming home anymore, but rather be working to keep some part of your sanity. Parenting didn't come with a manual. I've apologized a thousand times for my behavior, but it just seems the more I say it, the more you don't believe it anymore. As you've gotten older I've realized that I no longer have a hold on you anymore; I've slowly and gradually have come to the conclusion that you are your own person. It is very frustrating, but I just want you to know as your mother that I have always loved you despite how I've shown that love. Also that I am proud of your accomplishments, I just hope that one day you'll come back to me.

And in the end, even at the age of 24 I'm still learning that the whole growing up process isn't only a learning lesson for her, but me as well, and that we are both in this together doing the best that we can.