My Story (With Depression)

Why Did I Think You Would Stay?

My non-biological sister started hanging out with her other friends more. We drifted apart more and more everyday, we would get into fights about the stupidest things. It seemed inevitable that I would loose her forever. I found refuge in a couple of girls from different classes and we became best friends. They have been friends since the youngest one was only 25 minutes old. They were inseparable. I had another friend who was in our little group and we became the 4 bffs. We would sit in a class room under a desk and just talk all recess and lunch. I really felt like I belonged for once. The oldest one of us also like the same bands as me so clearly I was closer to her than the others. Our other friend also had depression so I made sure to always be there for her and made sure that she was okay. We got her into our kind of music and she became closer to us. She was so kind, sweet, and drop dead gorgeous but sadly she never saw her own beauty. When we went to grade 7 she left us for others, also known as the bitches. They were so mean and just hung onto every guy. They were friends with everyone and would move from group to group. One of them was in my class and we actually became friends. She was kind, and funny. I judged her before I knew her and that was my mistake. I drifted from my friends and always hung out with the 'nerds'. They were basically just a bunch of guys would played video games and were always on the Internet, but they were funny, kind, and one of them was kinda cute....

They accepted me. I felt cared about. I was in the same class as all of them and it wasn't that bad. I was still friends with my little group of course but in about the middle of the year the one who ditched us moved to a different state. My friends would always tease me about the cute one needing to ask me out but I mean why would anyone want to ask ME out? Sure we went to a couple movies together but that's because he works at the theatre. It doesn't mean anything. We were just friends, that's it. Even though I had friends I still felt as if they didn't care, as if they were just being friends with me to be nice. My depression got worse and worse, my wrists started turning into tiger stripes, as well as my hips, thighs, shoulders, and stomach. I was a complete mess. My anxiety was through the roof. My pills weren't doing anything anymore and I was just ready to give up on everything. I felt like a complete failure. I'd get flashbacks of all the horrible things I've ever done and that I've had don't to me. I resorted to burning instead of cutting. I gave up on myself. I stopped caring about anything and kept everything to myself. I was destroying myself on purpose. I didn't want to stop.