Things I wanted to say but never did

Him

One text from him, I already could feel my heart jumping out of my chest. Breathing heavily as I tried to calm my nerves to reach out for the phone. The feelings he made for me. Happiness. Wanted. Adored.

But everything stops for me. My destiny probably wasn't made for being with him. My destiny, probably, was out of reach again. I always imagined him in my arms.

His deep voice in my ears. His soft caresses, his poetry, his existence...

I truly do miss him. I never ran away from anything but the day I had to leave him. My heart was shattering. I could hear each pieces falling on the ground, like ice splitting into half, another half....

I wondered how life could be with us. Probably, if I was lucky enough, he would be here. Again making me happy with his cute jokes. His cute laughter.

I still feel him, inch by inch. Every parts of my body screams for him to hold but he's not here.

He's gone.

Because, life never understood what I want. Life never held me in my darkest, dangerous dreams. Life, pushed me down the cliff when I was muttering his name.

You won't read this. That's why I'm writing anonymously. You don't know I finally am finding peace with writing again. I knew you would be happy. I honestly wish and hope you smile, more and more. Even more than the smiles you shared with me. But I can't he selfish. Not anymore.

I can't ruin the tension again. While you're not here, but I still feel it.

Baby, you were the reason I smiled for short amount of time. But I had to let you go. I couldn't hold on. And I knew you couldn't be happy with me anymore.

I'm sorry for being weak to not fight for us. You knew it. You knew I would give up somehow and not even you could fix it.

I don't know if It was love. But I think it really was. My heart still beats your name. Spells your name and tries to reach for you but you're not here.

You're not here....

I have to face the reality that there's no us. It's been 1 year that there's no us.

I love you. I fell for you, hard. I never planned on doing that. Stupid of your dimwit, right?

You were the moon I tried to hug. But I slipped your away.

I love you... More than you can imagine.