To be decided

Welcome to my life

I know people usually start off a story by telling you about themselves, but thats not how I choose to start mine. People also start by telling what happened, how it all started, when, where, how, why, who. that kind of shit, well I've never really been one to fallow the crowd. This isn't a story of what happened to me, well its in there, but that's not the whole thing. This is a story of healing, revenge, regret, and life and love, and something terrible.

I think I'll start my story in the middle.

I was woken up as usual to the sound of Pantera, blasting through the speakers of my cd alarm clock, to others that might be a nightmare to wake up to, but to me, it was peaceful, calming, almost hypnotic... Just the same I groaned and rolled over. I was exsausted, I didn't sleep much in those days, I still don't actually, I guess some things never change.

"Caitlyne marie, please, your alarm is supposed to wake you up, not the entire neighborhood!" I groaned again and flipped the music. That's my mother, she;s not really what you would call a normal mother, but then again, she got stuck with about the srangest children in the world, so you couldn't really blame her.

I got up from my warm comfy bed and headed for my bathroom. I didn't even look in the mirror as I hopped in the shower. I didn't have too, I already knew what I was going to see. There would be dark purple circles under my eyes, and the skin on my cheeks would be clinging for dear life onto my cheeks. I suppose I looked kind of dead, to anybody who saw me. The circles, were always there, I've had them since I was little, and I think they;ll always be there, after years of not sleeping. Its what comes from almost a lifetime of insomnia, and nightmares.

I lathered the shampoo into my short black hair, what was left of it anyways, I had started shaving the sides of it when I got out of highschool, but I never colored it, color didn't suit me. I finished washing of my minty body wash, and headed to my closet. I opened the black door and looked inside, already knowing whjat I was going to where before I even opened the door. I grabbed a black T-shirt with a yellow batman symbol on the from, and my biggest pair of tripps. I also took out my heavy combat boots. then I went to my dresser to grab my underthings, and a pair of purple and black striped socks. I dressed quickly and grabbed my backpack for school. I stuffed my laptop and charger in it, then went to my bed to grab my ipod and headphones and headed downstairs.

I went right to the fridge and grabbed the four pack of monster I had put in there the day before, and shoved it into my backpack. I put my backpack on the counter and walked over to the coffee machine. I grabbed a thermos from the mug and poured myself a cup of coffee. Already knowing I'd have to hit a starbucks of something half way through school. I know what you're thinking, way too much caffeine right? Well in my defense something had ti make up for my lack of sleeping, and honestly, my mind really could not handle what happened when I slept to much. I think I mentioned the nightmares before. Everyone's had nightmares right? What if your nightmares had actually happened, and they tortured you every second you slept without fail? Well folks thats my life. Anyways I'm getting ahead of myself. I put thee lid on the thermos grabbed my backpack, my keys, and my leather jacket and I headed to school. Or as most people know it, prison.

I still did not understand why I had to take classes for shit I already knew how to do, but no one would hire a computer geek without a couple of degrees, so "I really had no choice in the matter. Not all my classes were that bad though, in addition to taking my computer classes I was taking a couple welding classes, just for the hell of. I had always enjoyed that kind of thing. Not that the teachers or the other students got why a woman would want to do something like that, but since I gave no indication that I actually cared what other people thought, nobody paid me any mind. They stayed out of my way and I steered clear of them.

My first class was my programming class, where literally all we did was learn the different computer programs, like C++ or python or Java, by the end of the year we had to know all of them. Fortunatly I had an advantage, because I taught myself how to program in highschool, so I already knew quite a few languages already. So the teaches in most of my classes pretty much just gave me the work I was supposed to do that week and let me be.

I arrived at my school and was walking to my class when I walked by somebody who was standing next to the door, I glanced at them once, and didn't register their face at first, and when I did I glanced back for a second, and sure enough, I recognized the idiot at once. Crap. Crap. Crap. Maybe he didn't notice me. I mean we barely even knew eachother even though we went to high school together, but we really didn't run in the same circles. Well if I'm really being honest with myself, I didn't have a circle to run in. I mean I had group of girls I always sat with at lunch, but I wouldn't really call them friends, I didn't really have anyone. No one saved me a seat at the table, I didn't get invited to go anywhere, I was simply excepted at the table because all I ever did was read while I was there. And that's how I liked it. But when one of the girls brought the guy she was dating over to our table, there was rarely room for me, so I faded even furthewr into the background, where I stayed my entire high school life.

'Just kepp walking, he didn't see you, and even if he did, he doesn't know who you are. Just keep going, you're almost to the stairs, a few more steps' My internal pep talk was working until I heard. "Caitlyne?" God fucking dammit. Why did this have to happen before I even had my monster? Why? Why me?

I slowly turned around and plastered a fake smile onto my face.

"Gabrial? Wow long time no see." The fake smile and overly cheerful voice must have worked because he smiled back and started walking over to me. He reached out his hand for me to shake, which I should have ignored because me and human contact didn't mix well, but having just had one cup of coffee that morning and nothing else, I guess my brain hadn't turned on yet or something, because when I grabbed his hand two things happened, The first was thata rush of images went through my head, I saw Gabrial punching a wall, and it looked like we were both yelling, then I saw him start throwing things around what appered to be my room, then I saw him walk out of there, leaving me to slam the door behind him and run to my bathrrom crying. The second thing that happened was that after the images stopped I snatched mt hand back, which seamed to through him off for a second, and he frowned, but just for a second then the smile was back and he was talking again asking me the usual questions that you asked someone who you hadn't seen in awhile and didn't know all that well in the first place. Like what classes are you taking, how have you been, do you still talk to anyone from high school? Stupid stuff like that.

He was shocked when I told him what classes I would be taking this semester, and as it turns out we had a computer class together. great that meant that we would be seeing eachother most every day. Well at least I knew I could could count on him to ignore me as soon as this conversation was over, or at least that;s what I thought would happen, I thought we would say goodbye, and it was nice seeing you agin, and hope you do well this this, boy was I wrong.

He didn't say any of that, instead he said, " hey we have first class together, can I walk with you there?" I honestly just stood there and looked at him like an idiot for a few seconds. Whe I recovered he was still lokking at me, waiting for his answer. "Sure If you want to." I'm sure the shock was clear on my face because he laughed and then ghestered to the stairs I had been walking to earlier. We both started walking to class. Neither of us saying anything, just glancing at each other from time to time. Until we arrived at the classroom, again I thought he would just find his own seat and that would be that, but know, he fallowed me to the back of the room and sat down next to the seat I had chosen, I hesitated for just a second before sitting down .

This is going to be a long year.