Learn How to Love (Boy x Boy)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟗

My phone wouldn't stop buzzing. I put it on mute and shoved it into the darkest corner of my backpack, refusing to even think about it until the school day was over and I was back in my empty treehouse. Without Luke. 

I pushed past the crowd of drug-addicts and made my way through the back door so that teacher's wouldn't know I was late to home period. I had told Sadie that I was leaving my phone at home, and that I'd meet her in the Janitor's closet on the first floor- the one that people didn't fuck in- so that we could catch up a little bit. She said I seemed distant over the phone, but I couldn't be bothered to pretend I was okay.

I waved to Ms. Shank, who was shoveling a cookie into her mouth as she hurriedly walked past. She gave me a stiff nod, clearly distracted by whatever her current mission was. It was weird. When Luke showed up, begging for my help, I had sort of put school aside. My grades had dipped. Not a lot, but enough for even my parents to notice. Sadie didn't care about A's or F's, but I at least used to. Luke was such a tempting distraction that I pushed everything away, and I needed to apologize to Sadie for it. And my grades.

I looked both ways down the hallway to ensure that no one was watching and I slipped into the janitor's closet. 

Sadie was sitting on an overturned bucket, a mop dangling just above her head. She stood up when I came in and swept me up into a hug. "Ohh!" she squealed. "Kyky I've missed you so much! You keep running off and I have no idea where you go anymore!" She held me out at arm's length. "Did something happen?"

I stared at her. A minute passed. My lip started to tremble. Two minutes past. My eyes began to well up. Three minutes later I was burst into tears. Sadie gasped, like you did when a baby fell over or hit their head, and took me into her arms. "Kylar! Why didn't you say you where so upset?" she asked, dabbing at my eyes with a Kleenex. She brought me over to her bucket and sat me down, then knelt on the cement floor next to me.

I told her everything about Luke, except for the fact that he had cat ears and a tail for almost a month. I told her how I had blamed him for my grandma's death, how he came to me for help, and how he found out he liked guys and how we kissed and hugged and comforter each other and how I kicked him out hours earlier. Sadie listened with an intrigued face as I wept in her arms, the same way Luke had cried in mine only a couple of days ago. It felt so surreal, that all of this had happened over just a month.

"We're talking about the same Luke, right?" Sadie asked. "The one that pesters you constantly and makes gay jokes?"

"Sadie!"

"Right, right, sorry. Enemies to lovers is valid."

I rolled my eyes. 

Sadie smirked. "Fine, sorry. But seriously though. Why on Earth are you crying over Luke fucking Salazar? He's mean to you all the time. Just because he shows up saying that he likes gay people doesn't mean you should forgive  him."

"You don't get it. For one, he had a super traumatic awakening experience and I comforted him after it! He got used to me being there, and it made me feel weird. Like everything was made of plastic."

Sadie frowned. "Plastic?"

"It was all fake."

Sadie winced. "So you think he's lying, or just confused when he says that he actually likes you?" I nodded. "But you actually like him. So you're not sure what to feel, or how to react?" I nodded again. "And you're not used to showing your emotions, so when Luke acts super emotional you don't know how to comfort him. And that stresses you out?" I sniffled as a reply this time. 

"I just- I want to help him. I want him to like me, but we're so different. I don't know what to do or say to make things right. I liked hanging out with him, but I don't think I'm the right person. What have I done for him?"

Sadie grabbed my hand. "Kylar you are amazing, anyone would be lucky to date you. And Luke sees that, or he will, in time." She rubbed her jaw. "Though it may be a good idea for you to spend some time apart. If you two were to start dating, it'd be a huge... shock to everyone. The Douche Squad, the popular kids, literally everyone would have no idea what's going on. Luke is emotional, too. Losing all his friends and his status could seriously do a number on him."

I nodded, my tears seeping into my sweater sleeve. "That's why I didn't want to let him convince me to let him stay. Luke has a great life right now, besides his dad and the whole Melanie thing. It may not be ethical but it's probably the most tempting way to get through highschool. I don't want to date someone I have to tiptoe around!"

Sadie nodded earnestly. "I get that, I really do, but I know you actually care about Luke. I don't want you convincing yourself that it won't ever work out. Luke will mature in his own time. He needs to learn to accept himself for who he is, and that will take a little while. It's up to him whether he wants you there for it or not, and it's up to you whether you'll let yourself."

I nodded, wiping my snotty nose on my sleeve. I hated that I liked stupid fucking Luke, but I couldn't just pretend I didn't. But I couldn't be sure that Luke actually cared for me. There were just so many factors that told me it was a crush formed from circumstances, not actual bonding or an actual relationship. Luke had a vice grip on my heart, and I was just now realizing that I'd been crushing the entire time. Why couldn't I be as emotionally mature as Sadie was? I didn't want to feel this vulnerable, or this desperate. 

Sadie rubbed my shoulder. "But hey, maybe until you and Luke work out something, you can still talk to Hayden?"