Game Over

Chapter 11 - Awakening

I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man? - Zhuangzi

-o-o-o-o-o-

Rodimus and Minimus sat in a bar a few blocks from the hospital where they'd gone to visit Chromedome. Chromedome had tried to kill himself two days before, but somehow had not been successful. When they heard where he'd been found, they were amazed he'd somehow escaped what should have been certain death.

Minimus stared into his drink, tears he'd held back at Chromedome's mediberth now dripping down his faceplate.

"You're gonna make me cry if you keep that up," Rodimus grumbled.

The minibot grabbed a towel and wiped at his faceplate. "Sorry... I just can't seem to help myself any more. I..." He let out a whimper of distress.

Rodimus sat up. Ultra Magnus had never whimpered or flinched or backed down in the face of hardship.

"I about off-lined myself after I found out Stock was dead. The pain and turmoil inside me... it was just too much to bear. I... I..." He whimpered again. "I sat there staring at one of the security guard's pistols for the longest time. It was just lying there waiting for me to use it. But then the enforcers collected it up and took it away just as I was about to grab it."

Rodimus stared, optics blinking. "You? You were suicidal too?"

"In my defense, I think anyone in my position would have been at that point. I have nothing to live for here, don't you realize? I'm a sad little nobody, working as a Second Assistant Deputy Backup Clerk where every day I see innocent mechs oppressed and beaten down for no reason. There is no justice. There is no fairness. There is only day after day of misery and emptiness." And suddenly he looked up at Rodimus, optics widening. "Wait, you said 'too'. You've been suicidal?"

Rodimus sighed, stretching out an arm and staring at the dull mix of colors. "I've been thinking the same thing about my life, questioning why I go on."

"I guess Chromedome was the bravest. We're all so miserable here. We hate our lives."

"I'll drink to that... in that I agree with you," said Rodimus, picking up his third cube and sipping off the top.

"And we all seem to be trapped in them."

"Drinking again in agreement." Rodimus quickly downed the bottom half of the cube.

Minimus reached for another cube, but on placing it before him, he simply stared into it, optics tracking the swirls of additives in the fuel.

"Going to drink that or just contemplate its beauty?" Rodimus asked sardonically after a klik.

"Rodimus. Think about it," Minimus said slowly. "We're all stuck in the most miserable possible scenarios for who we were aboard the Lost Light."

Rodimus tilted to one side, one arm resting casually over the back of the seat. "I have thought about it. Over and over. Doesn't it make sense though? We all played characters whose lives were what we would have loved but could never have. I was a starship captain and a Prime and people respected me and my decisions... most of the time. But I spun us around the galaxy defeating bad guys and being a hero. You got to make sure justice was served and that rules were followed and that everyone got a fair deal. That's so very much the opposite of what you're doing right now. Swerve... well he might be a top notch assassin, but it's obvious he hates it, and everyone hates him for it too. Being Swerve, he got to make people happy and be everyone's friend. Chromedome, well he just needs someone special in his life." He coughed out a laugh. "And we all thought Whirl had it good, but look how miserable he is. He'd give anything to be Whirl again."