ALDERANDA

Refused to End

Doctors have given the best treatment for Dera. After Nanda finished talking with the doctor, he met Dera who was still lying in a hospital bed.
"Dera, are you awake, honey?" said Nanda while stroking the top of Dera's head.
"Nanda," Dera said, trying to get up from the bed.
"Hey, don't get up yet, don't move too much, Ra. You just lie down. Erm, what do you feel now? Is it still hurting?"
"Not as bad as before Nan."
"Thank goodness. Dera, the doctor said your stomach acid is up. Maybe because you're too stressed , you have a lot on your mind. You must also have not eaten, right?"
Dera nodded slowly.
"I already bought your favorite food. Now you eat first, okay? Come here, let me feed it." continued Nanda while opening the package of food he had bought earlier.
Nanda spoonful after spoonful of food into Dera's mouth. Dera, who was initially hesitant to accept Nanda's bribe, finally complied.
"Nan," Dera said between meals.
"Why, dear?"
"I can eat alone anyway."
"Ah, it's okay. Let me just feed it."
"Shouldn't you be going back to the office?"
"Nope. My meeting is over."
"How about your other work?"
"Ra, I'm not too busy today. I've already handled work matters . So I can accompany you until you recover. Come on, let's eat again!"
"Ummm, Nanda--"
"What else, honey?"
"Excuse me.."
"What for?"
"Because once again I bothered you. I--"
"Why do you say that? Nothing bothers you. Again If something happens to you, it's also my responsibility."
"Why?"
"Because you are my secretary and it's still working hours. But if it's outside working hours, I still have responsibilities, because I'm your lover."
"Nanda, you--"
"Ssstt! Alright, we'll talk later, now you finish your food first."
Dera was silent and returned to taking Nanda's feed. In her heart, Dera again felt a dilemma. Once again, Nanda showed great care and affection for her, but until now why is Dera still finding it so difficult to give her heart to Nanda? Precisely only Al who continues to control her heart and mind.
Finished with her meal, Nanda forced Dera to return to rest. After Dera closed her eyes, Nanda placed a kiss on Dera's forehead and he left Dera's ward.

.

Nanda returned to the infirmary. When he rubbed Dera's cheek, Dera opened her eyes.
"Eh honey, I thought you were sleeping."
Dera shook her head.
"Where are you from?"
"I'm done with administration."
"Nan, when can I go home? I'm fine."
"Erm, later okay. You rest here for a while. I'll ask the doctor when you can go home."
Nanda took off his jacket and placed it on the sofa. After rolling up his sleeves, Nanda grabbed a knife and some fruit on the nightstand.
"Honey, I peeled some fruit for you."
After several pieces of fruit were served on the plate, Nanda started sticking a fork into the small pieces of fruit and feeding them to Dera. This time Dera accepted without much protest. Dera chewed the fruit while looking at Nanda's face. While being looked at only continues to reveal a sweet smile.
A plate of fruit was demolished.
"Want me to peel it again, honey?"
"No Nan. I'm already full."
"Okay, now you rest again ok?"
Nanda, who was heading to the sofa, suddenly stopped because he felt someone suddenly hold his hand.
A soft voice that called his name suddenly sounded, "Nanda .."
Nanda turned and came back closer to Dera.
"Yes honey. What's wrong? Do you need anything?"
"I want to talk to you."
"Okay, what would you like to say, honey?" Nanda stroked each strand of Dera's hair gently.
"I--"
"Yeah??"
"Nanda, can you--can you stay away from me from now on? I will also try to stay away from you."
"Meaning? But why? Why are you suddenly saying this?"
"It would be better if we stay away from each other from now on, Nan."
"Dera--"
"I don't want to continue to be in this kind of situation. Everything is too complicated. Nan, aren't you tired of our situation like this?"
"How is it like this? Why honey? We've been fine all this time, right?"
"Until when? Until when are you going to wait for certainty that has never been clear from me? Nan, no matter how hard I try, I can't. I can't love you the way you love me."
"Ra, I'm sure one day I will be able to do it. I'm ready to wait as long as anything. The most important thing is that we stay together."
"Without a clear relationship status?"
"You're my secretary, honey!"
"But what do you expect more than that right?"
"Am I wrong if I expect something?"
"Nothing wrong. But you better hope it's not me."
"Darling??"
"Please Nan, don't make me feel even more guilty every time with all your attention, whatever you do for me. Enough Nanda!"
"Hey, why are you like this?"
"I feel like the worst person Nan. You always pay attention to me, are always there for me, do anything for me, but I can never really respect your feelings."
"I do everything because I love you. I love you, Ra. I know you need time. It's okay Dera. Please don't ask me to stay away, it's difficult."
"Nanda, you are a good man, you are handsome, well established, you are perfect. You can get any perfect girl. It's not difficult for you, Nan."
"If I'm that perfect, why can't a Dera love me? Hm?"
"You are too good for me, Nan. You are too perfect."
"Hah.. Cliché excuse."
"Nanda.. Can we end our contract now? Free me Nan. We don't need to continue this pseudo relationship anymore. Again anyway now it's up to you, I don't care what you want to do to Al, Darmajaya group or anyone else. It's none of my business anymore. I think that's enough for now, Nan. You don't need to worry about me anymore."
"It can't be that easy, Ra. No matter what I try, my soul will still refuse to forget and don't care about you. My feelings are not momentary feelings that can just disappear. My love for you is more than anything."
"But Nan--"
"Don't Dera! We can't get far. You are my secretary."
"In that case, I will immediately resign from your office. You can find a new secretary, Nan."
"No! You can't! I just want you to be my secretary. I don't need anyone else. You can't be replaced by anyone."
"Don't I have the right to choose my own path, Nan?"
"We will always be on the same path, honey. Because until whenever, Nanda Armandito will never let Miss Dera go that easy."
Dera stretched out her hand towards Nanda. She touched Nanda's face with a pleading look. Nanda, who felt the soft touch of Dera's hand on his cheek, could only close his eyes because Dera rarely touched Nanda like that.
"Nan, I beg you.."
Nanda grabbed Dera's hand that was still on his face. He held the hand tightly.
"I can't, Ra. I can't, darling. Please don't force me! I love you."
"Nanda.."
"Don't argue with your boss, Dera!"
Dera released her hand from Nanda's grip while turning her eyes away, turning to the other side.
Nanda moved to grab Dera's face, making them look at each other again. Dera who was about to get up from her lying position was stopped by Nanda.
"Where are you going? You still need some rest, honey."
Now Dera just leans on the headboard with her pillow.
Once again their gazes made Nanda unable to hold himself back. Until finally their lips met again. Nanda seemed to really want to channel the fear of losing her. Meanwhile, Dera was powerless against Nanda.
They were both out of breath. Nanda broke the kiss. He moved his forehead to Dera's forehead as he caught his breath. His hands cupped Dera's face.
"Sorry, once again I can't control myself. I beg you, don't talk like that again! I love you, I love you so much. I'm sorry honey, but I will always refuse if you ask us to end ."