Dearly Departed

Letter 1: The Silence.

"Through the pain of losing you,
I find comfort in memories anew.
Though you're gone, you're never far,
Forever in my heart, shining like a star."
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My dearest, Giorgio it has been almost a week since you have died the police still looking for that disgusting bastard that killed you..its been hard living in the house without you even harder rasing Ferdinand without you here what will I tell him about you? How will I tell him about you..What would I even say to him when he asks.

That his Daddy was a gangster who played jack with the wrong stack? That he was a foolish stupid man who could've lived if he hadn't killed that man who called me a whore all those weeks ago at the store,you were always so protective of my honor.

the house is so quiet without you in it..its like the woode bones are cracking around me with the deafening noise of grief..ive had no energy to make myself presentable the maids scurry around this empty shell like roaches.. cleaning and whispering about you..oh Giorgio..my sweetest Giorgio..why did you have to be so stupid..? 

Sighing softly against her gloved palm Bernadette leans against the brown leather chair at her husband's cherry oak desk..the golden buttons on the chair serve as nothing more than something she can pick at since she had stopped smoking when she had her..no,Their  baby. Rubbing her temples as she shudders out another sigh feeling the wave of sadness grip her shoulders like a vice as she tries to fight the emotion like a dying dog fighting a fox eventually succumbing to the maw of her humanity she breaks a sob tearing. Clawing and screaming from her lungs black inky tears streaming down her face from her eyeliner and mascara still left from the show before he had died.

Her hands clutching her face pearlescent gloves staining as her tears pooled in her palms she sat this way for what felt like hours feeling her body crack and crumble withe ever sob that climbed from her throat like a wild animal in a cage the door of the office cracked and her wild eyes shot through whoever had dared to step a foot in this part of the house the one part that still carried the smell of her husband..his warmth..him.. "Whos there?!" She cries slaming her hands on the desk from its perch as she glared..a younger woman barely even 19 walked in..a maid of her own employment her voice shaking as she spoke like a frail little bird.
"m-ma'am..? Its 3:15..it is time for me to go home now..i just wanted to see if you were okay.. and to let you know that the baby has been put to bed and will need another bottle soon.." the girl bowed before scurrying out of the room with a haste that surpised Bernadette as she sighed..leaving the half finished letter..leaving the office and walking solemnly to the nursery her heels providing only a dull lifeless clack against the dark inky stained oak wood of the Mannor..soon her hand softly caressed the clay model of her husbands hand.

looking at a model of her own next to it created to provide a memory for their son..now a sad reminder of her loss as she peared over the pale yellow crib..their son resting inside an unfortunate reminder of her husband..his features all dwarfed her own..even down to his nose fresh tears forming as she realizes that Giorgio will never meet their son never see him grow or teach him to be a man..to show him what it is to be strong and to defend the people who you love..she must teach him these things..alone and afraid of it all afraid of dying and leaving him orphaned or worst becoming cruel to him like her father was with her after her mother died..she balled her fist clutching the hand mold against her before speaking to herself.

"I refuse to be pathetic longer than this..i am going to conquer this damn hill if it is the last thing i do..i swear it to you Giorgio.." gently kissing the palm of the mold she layed it next to the other before gentle picking her son up..his sleeping form curled like a small bundle of sweetness and beauty she presses her forehead against his smaller on a tear landing on his doughy cheek as she speaks..low and quiet "i promise you Ferdinand..i will not allow you to have a weak mother...i will be better for you..better for myself..i will be strong for you i will not allow my sadness turn me cruel to you like it did to my father..i will love you and i will learn to live again.."

gently kissing his cheek she layed him back in the crib before slowly rolling the crib down the halls, too the master bedroom she couldn't bare the idea of sleeping alone for even one more night.. the bed still freshly made from when Giorgio last slept in it his cologne was still heavy on his pillow..she felt the tears again as she climbed into the bed, not even bothering to change into sleeping clothes as she held his pillow tightly to her chest and drifted into a dreamless sleep comforted by the smell of him and their memories.