My Fault ?

Untitled Part 3

When I open my eyes it's still 3AM and it was my daily to waking up this early when the sun still a sleep and the moon still up, at time like this what I usually do is pray to my lord and waiting for the sun to raise and then start my daily. At this time my whole family is already up my mother prepared break fast even tough no one need to go too school or work, but still this is the times that I can say the most precious get-together between family, and I wonder how long this thing can go like this.

We opened up a shop in front of our house it was a small food court you can find every where noting new form it but we have one thing that make people come back to buy the food that we made my or mother made it taste so good for some reason, we get the all the ingredients from the local store that sell fresh stuff, and in my place there is a certain time for the price for a certain goods sell more cheap and have a nice quality, for example if you buy chili at 13.00 the level of spice when you buy it at deference time it was deference for some specific reason, well to handle this problem I ask for every merchant that I need there phone number and case a side the item that I need so I can pick it in one go. And this become part of my daily live, you know I never think how much money you spent for the sustain like food, electricity, and all the things that you need for just keep you going. When I was a still young and fool never knew that this live could be this harsh when you I woke up early in the morning helping my father and mother just for a little bit of money so we can put foot on the table.

"hahhhhh, I hope things will get better" after I said that word my phone is ringing and when I see what name that poop up it was my friend my one and only person that I could call a friend when I'm in senior high and his name is Ali. For a brief moment I hesitant to pick because not long ago I cut all the ties with all my acquaintance, but after the second ringing I decided to speak with him.

"hello long times no see, how have you been?"

"you know that kind of opening, not really sounds like you at all Daus"

"it's been so long since our last conversation, so I kinda aaaaa"

"ahh I know it's been a while, so how are you is everything good there"

"it's fine don't worry everything is under control"

"well I know the reason why you didn't go take your test but you know there is always next year and you know in here at my university everything its free once you got in, so why don't you give it a shot?"

I know this is where the conversation will go when the first time I see his name I already know what the topic of our conversation, that's why I'm hesitant to pick it.

"well, I'll think about it"

"that's good you still have a lot of time so give it your best, and you know actually that's not the main topic I call you, but I will save that when we see face to face okay?"

"yeah that's fine with me"

"alright I will sand you message time to times okay, chat with you later then"

"yeah good bye"

Well that's kinda refreshing I think it's been a been while I talk to someone with the same age. That short conversation makes me remember that I need to think about my future, I never really think about that because for me thinking I didn't have that power in me I think my brain is already messed up to the point where there is no turning back. Hahaha what the hell am I talking about look at me sound like depressing mind character from some kind of movie, Ahh but you know what I hope that I'm really the main character form some kind of movie because the protagonist in the movie they always find a way to solve the problem no matter how hard the situation is.

And after that thought crossing my mind I wandering is my problem is it that bad? We don't have any saving both my parents already in there 50 and for my brother his down syndrome and for me that's what I want tall you all. When someone asking what is the most terrifying thing in your early age could happened to you well I expect every on have a difference answer, but for me I think the most terrifying thing that can happened in your live add early age is laying and no one knows or no one care that you are laying.

When I'm still in the kindergarten I ask one question and I never knew this one question it's connecting for what I do until today. I still remember that vividly the day the first time I aware that I'm alive I opened my eyes and trough my windows I can see the azure blue sky from it, and after I admiring the view I heard a familiar voice called out my name and for some reason I know that its was my name and when I heading towards that voice what I found is my mother.

"my dear today your mother will accompany you to the kindergarten"

"yes mom"

After that we just have a mother and son conversation and after we arrive my mother leave me to the teacher in there and with that just like ordinary stuff we play and do whatever we want but today my teacher announce that we having a study lesson and that's how to do prayer, at that time for some reason all my friend looks excited and I'm the only one didn't know what to do all some my friends already know what to do and some of them don't and when I see it I'm confuse even tough the people around me look they having fun. After the demonstration end the teacher give every one a home work and the task is to remember what we seen and heard. Every one said yes with a smile and only me didn't know what is happening in here. After the school end I ask my teacher about what he just done in class today

"sorry Mr I have a question about our class today?"

"oh Daus, and is what is your question?"

"why did we need to do that, that prayer thing everyone in the class looks like they having fun and I'm the only one didn't understand?"

"that question you will know it when the time comes, first of all you need to do your task and before you know it you will understand why the whole class is having fun"

"thank you"

"alright, be careful on the way home"

When adult told you what you need to do usually kid just follow them without question but for me is deference because when my teacher told me to do that what I think at that is what is he talking about.