Dear Food, PS: Are You The Enemy

Better

I say im better, but

I still throw up

I still hate looking in mirrors

I still restrict

I still count calories

I still thrive to lose weight

I still push myself and pass out in pe

I still get anxious around food

I still have gum to ignore the hunger

I still have the need to skip meals

I still get comments on my body

I still feel like there is no thin enough

I still believe I need to try harder

I still think less and less calories is better

I still say this is healthy

I still hate attention but crave the applause

I still haven't given enough

I still have the same headspace

Yet

They still say oh you lost weight

They still say you look so much better now

They still say its not an eating disorder

They still say you look so good

Because

They never noticed

They never cared

I wasn't skinny enough

I wasn't sick enough

So

Yes im better

At hiding it

At lying

At starving

At throwing up

-nico (me)