When we first met, I felt like my whole world stopped for a second to give us both a moment.
Little did I know what I have gotten myself into.
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"Faye? Are you even listening?" My friend spoke infront of me causing me to snap back into reality.
I smiled at her with a nervous chuckle.
"I'm sorry I zoned out" She rolled her eyes and took a sip on her vanilla frappe.
"What's up with you these days?" Her question made my brain went black.
I just stared onto my phone for a while thinking of an answer to that question while she just stared at me waiting for an answer.
A few minutes I looked at her with an exhausted sigh.
"Are...you two okay?" I just stared at her blankly while my phone is still open.
She understood my silence and also sighed while suddenly putting her vanilla frappe on the table causing a bang sound.
I was startled from my thoughts and looked down with shame.
"What did he do again?" She spoke in an annoyed tone.
Shit I'm screwed.
"He said he..." I paused for a moment because I felt my cheeks wet from my tears.
Iris, my friend immediately grabbed a tissue on her bag and gave it to me still annoyed.
"Go on, I'm listening" She assured me but I cleared my throat first before speaking again.
I fixed my posture and showed her my cellphone showing an 1nst4gr4m message conversation.
Iris changed her expression from annoyed to now mad, I can feel her frustrated sigh.
"I thought you and Carlos were okay? So did you two broke up now?" Iris asked once again but then that's when I realized something.
Something that I should know better than anyone.
And that something is me and him were never "together" it was all with no label.
How could I be such a fool crying over a guy who doesn't even know my worth?
Who can't even pursue me?
Who can't even make small efforts just to be with me?
"About that...me and him were never a thing" I spoke in the most saddest tone as I watched a now worried Iris looking at me.
She sighed while I stopped crying to think for a while, after a few minutes I finally have the courage to speak.
"When I first met him I thought he was the one because he kept giving me these reassuring words"
"He kept telling me and also promising a lot of things that convinced me that he would stay" My voice cracked while speaking because more tears are forming on my brown eyes.
"But then he changed, he suddenly stopped talking to me and then came back one day telling me that its over but actually" I paused for a moment and let my tears to fall from my eyes and heaved out a heavy sigh as Iris is now comforting me by patting my back.
She looked at me and assured me to continue so I gathered enough energy to speak.
"He can't end something he didn't even started"
"All he did was just give me words said those and said that but there was no actions"
Iris is now hugging me and caressing my hair to calm me down as I cried and tried to control my sobs.
"There was no label I was too blind to even realize that and his lies"
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He didn't even pursued me. Actually I think he never thought of pursuing me. It feels like a thousand blades is pierced through my heart over and over.
I sometimes wonder,
Am I too hard to love?
Am I not enough to be pursued?
What's wrong with me?
I always lose all of my worth for a guy who didn't even value my presence.
I have never been pursued.
Its always "almost" but it never happened.
