Lesson Learned

Lorrae

"Lorrae!"
I'm startled out of my half sleep by her loud raspy voice.
"Hm?"
I manage to mumble after a few seconds.
"DRE DEAD!" She screams at me while crying. "Get Up!" I jump up, put on my favorite blue hoodie and matching slides and I head to the car. I don't know where we're going but I know I needed to be out of her face. She's so up and down it's scary. If Dre really is dead it's about to get so bad for me.
Fuck.
We arrive at my Aunt Nora's house. She didn't greet me with her usual greeting. All of my cousins are here. I spot a seat on the couch and sit down. What is this feeling? I'm in a trance starring at the clock. It's 2AM. The grown folk are crying and talking. The phone rings they ask to speak to Dre's mother. They exchange a few words before she quickly hangs up and says "I have to go identify the body, they don't know if it's him or not." I let out a deep sigh. I didn't even notice I was holding my breath. She rushes out the front door and we sit here and wait.
Hours would go by before we'd get another phone call. I'm in my head trying to remember the day and see if I remember anything that could've warned me about this happening. Sometimes I see things or feel things. I don't know how to explain it other than I just know things sometimes. The day was a typical day. We had a family dinner at her house. She hosts all the dinners because she cooks all the food. Most of the family is here laughing, talking, and playing dominoes. I'm outside watching everybody and I see Dre running playing tag. I smile. He's a cute chubby little boy that loves his mama. He runs up to me and says "I love you Lorrae" and reaches for a hug. I was so in shock. We're not much of a hugging family. I say "Awww I love you too Dre" while hugging his little body.
The sound of the front door opening snapped me out of my trance. Dammit. I wanted to be in that moment a little longer. Then out of nowhere it hits me. No. I refuse to believe it. I start silently crying and praying. "Please God let him be okay please." over and over and over. I glance at the clock 4:34AM. I'm praying so hard I fall asleep. I'm awakened by the phone ringing. I'm still in my head praying "Please, please please." Dre's mother made it to the scene and she called to update us. "Is he okay?" My Aunt Nora asked looking as helpless as we all felt. "No, he's gone." It seems like we all bursted with tears simultaneously. Dre was a sweetheart. The nicest kid you'd ever want to meet. This one hurt to the core. He was very loved.
The realization sets in from earlier. I didn't want to believe it but when he hugged me and told me he loved me, he was hugging me goodbye. I should've known something was up. We don't do that. Now I wish I would've held onto him a little bit longer. Or said I love you more instead of I love you too. So what now he's just gone? Just like that? Forever? And What is this feeling? I can't shake it and it feels like it's growing. "Lorrae! Let's go." Her voice is even raspier than usual since she's been crying. I snap back to reality and get up and head to the car. She's silent the whole ride home. Once there, I get in my bed and cry myself to sleep.
My stomach wakes me up around 10AM but I don't even want to eat. I wipe my tears and go to the restroom. She's in there with the door open. I wouldn't have came in here if I knew she were in here pooping. She's also crying and for the first time I see genuine hurt on her face. I say "I miss Dre." almost coming to tears saying his name. "I don't know why, you were always so mean to him!" She hisses at me. My tears dry immediately. This bitch lies so much. Right now is not the time. Dre was damn near my first child. When Dre was born I took a gold ring off my finger and put it on his. All of us get gold when we first get here from my Aunt Jackie. She spoils us rotten. I feel like getting the honor to do that sets me far ahead in the 'Who loved Dre the most' competition she's trying to have. I was the only child until I was about 6-7. I absolutely adored Dre from the second he got here. She wouldn't know that cause she wasn't around so I let her have that and walk back in my room. Aunt Jackie taught me not to argue with fools. But on a serious note I'm feeling shit I've never felt before, why can't she just....Nvm. I'll drive myself crazy trying to figure that out. I go back to sleep without even eating. It's May so, no school. Damn this finna be a long ass summer.

One Month Later

Guess what I'm doing? Sleeping. Duh. I like sleep. I wish I could be a sleep. Someone knocks on the front door. I get up slowly because I don't know who it is and I know it's not her because she's at work. I already did all the shit she told me to do so I don't feel rushed to do anything. I look out the window and see my Uncle Geoff's blue pickup truck. I run to the front door. He's my favorite uncle. I wonder if she told him I could go eat with him and my cousins. He takes us to the best food places AND he makes the best food. I haven't ate in days. I excitedly open the door. Before me stand the black dumb and dumber. My excitement leaves as quickly as it came.
"Wassup Lorrae?"
My cousins Everett and Kane are in the doorway. These Njas are always up to no good. I wonder what they want. "Wassup." I say annoyed. I back away from the door and start walking towards my room so they can take whatever it is they came for. Everett follows me. "Them Jordan's Kita bought you ain't real." Everett says stuttering over every other word. Kane is behind him, he crouches down and sings "Moraaa" while duck walking in the direction of the back room. He looks retarded. Kita is Dre and Mora's Mom. I babysit Mora but she's not even here right now. I look back up at Everett and say "Nja What?" He smiles coyly like their plan is working. He starts reciting whatever they practiced before they got here. I see his mouth moving but I can't hear him. I'm listening to Kane open my game cases and take the discs out. So that's what they came here for. I don't even care. I haven't played since Dre died anyway. I bought those games, I can buy some more. I might just get a computer instead. Kane comes from the back room and says "Alright we'll see you later Lorrae!" while weirdly holding his stomach. Everett is grinning from ear to ear as he follows Kane outside. I go to the back room and see all of my game cases empty but the system and controllers still there. Like I said I don't even play it anymore. Every time I tried to play I'd remember the pact me, Dre, and Savy made. We jokingly promised each other that when we died we'd make sure we we're buried with our PlayStations. They could've just asked and I would've given the games to them. What the fuck is this feeling? It's starting to physically hurt. I'm holding onto my side as I speed walk back to my bedroom. I black out before I make it to my bed. I hear a loud *Thud*. Dammit what was that? Was that me? I ask to no one in particular before I drifted off into unconsciousness.